God is So Gangsta!

"God is so gangsta, that is what I love about him"; quote from Jameka, Big Brother 8.
So, I watch a lot of TV with Todd being out of town. That quote got my attention last night. Where did it come from? What does it mean? Why did she choose to compare God to a gangsta? Etc.

Jameka's life is one that many of us do not recognize and one that I cannot really address. But, I will make some assumptions based on her use of the word and the background information we have been given. In her world, gangsters are in charge, rule the roost, and decide the fates. God does resemble that to some degree.

I don't think I am offended, more intrigued that she used the phrase as the highest compliment to God. She was taking something she knows and comparing what she understands about God to her life. In some ways, it is pretty cool. And an interesting catch phrase, "God is so gangsta!" But, God's motivations, thank goodness, are not the same, and nor are his workings.

Gangsters, in my limited understanding, operate for themselves and though they have boundaries or unique rules, their perimeters leak into the illegal, destructive, and and the 'survivor' mentality. The urban dicitionary explains mulitple descriptions of gansta: Notions of community sovereignty and self-determination are the core founding principles that uphold the "gangsta" philosophy. Of course,notions of sovereignty, self-determination, and autonomy are closely tied to the principle of a self-sustaining economy, which in a capitalist context such as the U.S., requires all gangstas to find a way to provide for themselves and for the gangsta unit. The most common resource that is utilized is of course commerce in contraband: illegal drugs, prostitution, and firearms.

However, gangs can provide community, a sense of purpose, and belongin to those who are searching and to those who are left out of the reaches of our Churches. Christianity can provide the same type of commuinity. You only have to look as far as Daybreak Ministry to see that. But, many times, our thoughts do not lead to action in creating community in places that so desperately need it.

God is gangsta in the sense that He is the all in all...He is the ulitmate decision maker, the one true God- the maker of all. But, He, in his ulitmate wisdom, has allowed us to be part of the decisions of our own lives. God in all his power says in Isaiah 46, "Remember this, fix it in mind, take it to heart, you rebels. Remember the former things, those of long ago; I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me. I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come. I say: My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please. From the east I summon a bird of prey; from a far-off land, a man to fulfill my purpose. What I have said, that will I bring about; what I have planned, that will I do(vs. 8-11).

That is what we, as Christians, must hold onto, the Sovereignity of God. God is sovereign, God is in control, God is our purpose, God directs our paths (when we let him in), God is all over the map if we would just allow His will to truly reign in our lives.

Finally, there is another issue with the 'gangsta' mentality. The Urban Dictionary goes on to explain: There is a conflict between those who consider themselves "true to the game" or "true" and those who are "big pimpin" or the "pimps". Each has its own interpretation of the gangsta principles - one that holds the values and foundational principles as absolute and controlling, and those who take a moral relativist approach and seek a favorable outcome on behalf of "gangstas" with little regard for the gangsta process. The not so invisible hand of market forces that exploit the gangsta in a quest to pimp the Americanconsumer is an aberration to those who are true, but a natural consequence and in some ways a vehicle for gangstas to "pimp" the system.

I personally find this conflict very interesting. It is the age old issue of the posers v. the real thing. Christianity has the same issue and Jesus Himself warns against the conflict in Mark 7, 6Jesus replied, "Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites; as it is written: " 'These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. 7They worship me in vain; their teachings are but rules taught by men.'] 8You have let go of the commands of God and are holding on to the traditions of men." 9And he said to them: "You have a fine way of setting aside the commands of God in order to observe your own traditions

So, what does all this mean? What is my point? Not sure. Just found it an interesting thing to think upon.

It definitely encourages me to be true to what my calling is in Christ- separate from the traditions of man, and it reminds me of the power of my God- and there is no other like Him- anywhere, at all.

And it remindes me of the story of Elijah and Mount Carmel. If you don't remember it, take a moment and read it:http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Kings%2018:16-39&version=31

And think about all that you see around you on a daily basis that reminds you that "The Lord is God and there is no other like Him!"

Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise Him, all creatures here below. Praise Him above, ye heav'nly host. Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost. (Doxology- Baptist Hymnal)

Blogging No No

Blogging No No
I am fixing to do a 'no-no' in blogdom. Even though I am not real sure who makes all these rules that we must all abide by...I just get informed by my husband and others of the etiquette that goes along with blogging. Well, blehsppptsssz! to that!
The Frontline Retreat is coming up and it is all about the Basics. My brother wrote a blog the other day and I am pasting it here....He had some wisdom to share(even though he is much younger and I am much smarter) and I wanted to pass it along. I couldn't have said it better myself.

What God can teach using spilled soup Current mood: contemplative
Ok, I know, weird title, but hang with me. As most of you know, I don't go into work on a normal day until 12:30, and since I could walk to work if I wanted, I usually wake up around 9:45, lay in bed and watch tv till about 11 or 11:30 then I have lunch. At 12, I usually begin getting ready for work. So, last Thursday, I decided to eat some Campbell's chicken-noodle soup for lunch. I'm still dressed for bed, mind you. I pulled the soup out of the microwave, then go to my futon couch to sit down to enjoy my soup. As I sit, my soup spills on my lap and stomach, burning me. I of course went on my typical angry tirade, which turned from being pissed about the soup to my angry expression of my feelings about my current lot in life. How I feel like I'm going nowhere, and I'm not even getting there fast. Well, from that point on, it was as if God decided to prove me wrong about my life. As a lot of you know, I've been talking to a man named Michael Madden out in California who runs a mentor-apprentice program for broadcasters, and I'm wanting to get into the program. Well, I called and left him a voicemail that evening, and he returned my call. We couldn't put me with the original mentor he had in mind for me here in Austin. He said he could look in other outlets, and I agreed. Friday afternoon, he leaves me a message telling me he's found someone who works at the local adult-contemporary station, , and the mentor also knows and is very good friends with Ryan Schue, the program director at KJCE, and she said that if I do well in the program, and if a spot opens up at KJCE, she'll totally go to bat for me with Ryan. Of course, I'm stoked! God knows how to prove me wrong, and I couldn't be happier about it. Yes, God has His own timing on things, but it was as if He was waiting for me to get to my last straw...or noodle. Recently, I've been re-reading a book I first read 4 years ago. I keep buying new copies of it intending on reading it again, and always end up giving it away before I can. It's an amazing book, and I would reccomend it to anyone. The book is Joshua by Fr. Joseph Girzone. for those who don't know, Jesus and Joshua are the same name, Jeshuah (pronounced yeh-SHU-uh) in Hebrew. The concept is what if, between His first coming and His 2nd coming, Jesus visited us again. It's anamazing book that simplified my faith when I first read it. It broke my faith back down to the fundementals, much like that football coach after the huge, spirit-crushing loss. He told his players they were getting back to the fundementals and held up a football saying, "Boys, this is a football." It was as if God was showing me "Ok, Grant, back to the fundementals. This is faith. This is what a relationship with Me is supposed to be." Many of my pretentions and trappings of religiosity faded and melted and burned away, and I grew deeper and gained a zest and zeal for faith that I had lost over the years. Now that I'm reading this book again, it's having a different affect on me. It's giving me a mature peace about faith and deepening my relationship with God.
Same book, same story, but there are details that I missed the first time around that I'm picking up on this time around, and I love it when God does that. There is also a movie based on the novel from Epiphany Films. It changes some of the details of the book, but it's from a Christian point of view, so it keeps the spirit of the original story. At one point, a character in the film who lost her husband to an auto accident, tells Joshua that her life is a mess, picks up a glass vase, and slams it to the ground, thus shattering the piece into a million pieces. "That's my life! And it can't be fixed!" she sobs. When Joshua leaves town, the woman is also leaving town for a new job. She's talking with a priest who tells her before Joshua left, he made something for her. It was a glass figurine of an angel made of those same broken pieces. The priest, Father Pat, says "Amazing! He took a million pieces of broken glass and made something incredible!" Maggie, the woman, adds quietly, "Something whole."
That really got me. I had felt on Thursday, after the soup, that my life was in a million pieces and didn't look like it would be fixed. God's taking my life in a million pieces and is making something whole. I hope this blog inspires some one, at least one person. Just thought I'd share my thoughts, and what God's been doing lately. It really is amazing!

Are you a White Rabbit?

"I'm late, I'm late for a very important date" And the white rabbit scurries around looking at his watch frantically.

I feel like this many days...and yet my 'dates' are not very important. It is just the everyday schedules that I manage in my life. Now, I say 'manage' but most often it is just trying to get where I am supposed to be with all my little people dressed for what we are supposed to be doing.

Todd is out of town this week and next. Our family has been blessed by relationships and I have been given gifts this week. Sunday- some friends of ours took my children for about 8 hours! Personally, I thought they were crazy- but each to his own. My kids had a wonderful time and I got to take a nap, a long bath , and spend time with Todd before taking him to the airport. Wednesday night a couple of girls in my small group came over after the kids were in bed and brought dinner. I got to have grown up conversation and a grown-up meal. Then yesterday, our same crazy friends picked up my kids in the afternoon, took them to a water park and brought them home for bedtime.

Finally, as you can tell because I have been blogging more consistently, my brain has been resting. I know it sounds goofy- but many days I feel like my brain is full- it cannot take any more noise or sounds. On those days, it is difficult for my to find rest in my Savior and yet, I know, intellectually, that time spent with Him would make it all so much better.

Resting in God is sometimes a hard thing to find. It takes the form of being still and waiting. One of my friends sent me this below.

This focuses on verse Psalm 25:5 guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long and then this from John Phillips Exploring the Psalms "On Thee do I wait all the day." An important principle of guidance is that God is never in a hurry. Often He will make us wait and wait before finally making the path clear. That is where most of us break down; we are impatient so we act without God's guidance and then complain when things go wrong. Often when facing an important decision we will find that everything is cloudy at first. Guidance will come only as we wait. It is Satan who says: "Hurry! Act now! It's now or never! If you miss this you'll miss God's will." Satan guides by impulse; God guides us as we wait. We can liken guidance to a glass filled with cloudy water. If we wait, the sediment will sink to the bottom and the water will become clear. God cannot lead us if we are rushed and hurried, dashing here, there, everywhere - always responding to pressure. David was wanting, willing and waiting to be led. "Lord protect me! Pilot me!"

But resting in God also takes other forms. God's rest and peace comes from within ourselves. It is all about tapping into the resources He provides.
Matthew 11:28-29 explains this: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

It doesn't say he will slow your life down, or remove the burdens placed upon you but it does promise rest for our souls- a refuge. And yet many of us see our time with God as one more obligation, one more thing to do. That is the challenge in our busy lives. Our challenge is to see God as a refuge, a place of peace, a 'filling station'.

I don't have answers on how to make that happen for you- that is your challenge- and I highly doubt it is a 7 step program. Seek God first and all these things will be added unto you....

When I was a child: conclusion

I really do have a point to this blog. And it is this- our relationship with God is the main attraction. Church, community, mission trips, events, etc. are all the icing on the cake- the spokes of the main hub- intimacy with God.

Being in the ministry- you have the opportunity to visit many different churches. Todd and I have seen a lot of different types of worship, presentation, and ways of doing community. And yet for every one way of doing things we have seen- there are ten more different out there. We have gone to where we are called- and sometimes we have struggled with the formats of the church. At one, we enjoyed community- but struggled with some of the theology, at another we loved the worship but didn't have community, another church created passion for mission and uniqueness but we didn't have consistency and in one we found amazing relationships but found worship in other ways.

I share all this to encourage you to listen to God...and where He is calling you. Your church, your small group, your worship cannot be the all in all for you. God is the only one in our lives that has promised to be unchanged. Hebrews 13:8 says, "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever". Our sin as a Church (Big C) is to rely on humans and not God. The 'drive thru' mentality of Christianity as Todd likes to say. As ministers, lay people, and attendees we all look to other people for our joy, fulfillment, etc. and yet God is truly the only way to satisfy that thirst. Psalm 42 speaks to this so beautifully: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=23&chapter=42&version=31

Our hope is in the Living God. And that is why I share my journey. I couldn't remain in the safety of my youth group forever. What a waste that would have been! And my youth group didn't stay the same. There have been multiple changes in leadership over the years. My experience was not my brother's experience, and so on. Treasure the gifts God has given you in your growth times with your church or community as the catalyst- but do not hold on and remain to the point that God cannot move you forward. Listen to HIS voice...and not your emotions.

Our life in Christ is so much MORE than the local church and community. And yet, I know that that is the vehicle He desires to use to grow us, but we cannot replace our time with him with our time at Church on Sunday.

You may not agree with all of this...I am just sharing my own observations- and also speaking to myself. I loved it when my children were babies and though there are some days that are really hard- I wouldn't wish them to return to that precious time. It is a wonderful memory- a precious memory...and it was for a time- not forever.

McLean and Frontline are changing- community campuses are being created. The stage, the music, the staff are all shifting and moving in the direction the leaders feel God is leading. It is exciting...and at the same time hard. Once again- we are reminded of what Lon says: the church moves forward on its knees. Pray for your church, seek God for yourself- separate from organized church, and listen for His voice.

I close with this passage:
Philippians 3:13-15
13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
15All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you.

When I was a child pt. 2

1 Corinthians 13:11
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.

I cannot continue to write this blog without recognizing the fact that my life has been rather idyllic. Working with teenagers, young adults, and troubled youth have only emphasized how lucky and blessed I have been in my own life. I share my issues and yet I know for many of you they are not that big of deal in comparison with what you all have gone through. But, I pray that some feeling, some emotion, some aspect of the journey will touch your life and encourage you on your own journey.

I talked to the older girl at college and she gave me some direction on how to make my relationship with God my own. She encouraged me to seek out places where I could be still and see God at work around me...get back in touch with His spirit. I went to the baseball fields at Baylor and parked my car and wrote, I learned to write praise songs within my quiet times (I would have sung them but my voice is not one I enjoy listening to- it sounds much better in my head), I started journaling in a more profilic way, and I stopped trying to attend church.

Oops...is that what she said? Yes. You see, for me, because church had been such a strong part of my life- going to different churches and taking them apart only hindered my walk. Ultimately, I let this go on too long and not being part of a community damaged my intimacy with him...but for a while it was necessary. I needed to find out who JULIE was in Christ.

My last two years at Baylor were a lot of fun...really a great time. But, in the quiet moments, when I was by myself, and when I was in my religion classes, I knew I was neglecting my friend Jesus. When I was growing up the Holy Spirit was described to me as the Jiminy Cricket of Christianity. That was never more true for my life while I was wandering away. I couldn't stray very far without coming face to face with my own sins. I found myself apologizing repeatedly and trying to avoid people who knew me before. I would imagine condemnation on their faces and chalk it up to all Christians being judgmental- blaming them as opposed to facing my own issues.

Sin can be very subtle. The first dabbling- you barely see how it affects you...and then you keep going, and going until it is no longer your issue but everyone else around you. They are judging, they are holier than thou, they are also hypocrites, they should reach out, they, they, they.... What is that old adage- when you are pointing one finger toward someone else- you have four others pointing right back at yourself...and of course the Bible has something to say about this as well:

Matthew 7:3-5
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye

But, God was desiring a relationship with Julie...and I needed to come back to Him. I needed to put away childish things and grow up spiritually.

When I was a Child

When I was a child...

I was 12 years old and excited to be part of our church's youth group. My parents had taught seventh graders for what seemed like forever and I grew up going to retreats, lock-ins, and wednesday night planning meetings. But, finally it was MY turn! I embraced everything our youth group had to offer and when this new thing called Disciple Now was introduced- I signed up quickly with my best friend Carie and we got a few of our friends to go as well. My seventh grade Sunday School teacher was going to host the house and we were going to stay in the bedroom of a college girl who used to babysit me. Wow! I couldn't wait.
That weekend- in the midst of the laughter, looking at highschool yearbooks and dreaming- as well as playing with our host's paralyzed dog (we loved that he had a little wheelchair!)- my life was changed. I was introduced to quiet times and intimacy with my Heavenly Father, I was taught how to pray, and how to take notes of sermons. I treasured my 'spiral' for many years, getting new ones as the old wore out. I could always tell when I missed my time in the morning with God and I loved making codes for my prayers(since many of them had to do with who I liked at the time) so that I wouldn't be embarassed if someone ever found it like the Diary of Anne Frank.
My time spent in the Youth Group of our church was my training ground. I learned how to put Ephesians 6 and the armor of God into my life. I wasn't perfect by any means- and could tell of the many times I fell short of the mark in bringing God glory- but I still learned so much.
My spiritual life was very safe, organized and structured. It was wrapped up in Sunday morning worship with our choir singing, the various events I attended and invited people, going to lunch after church with my Christian friends, mission trips, youth camp, and reveling in surrounding myself with those who were just like me.
College rolled around. I attended Baylor and within the first month- my whole world was shaking. There was no structure, or organizational church (that I wanted to be a part of), nothing looked like I used to know, I was exposed to different beliefs and was introduced to predestination for the first time as well as christians who 'shacked up', and drank. I used to skip meals on Sundays because I didn't want to go down in my normal clothes and see all the rest dressed up in Sunday clothes. I went sporadically to various churches but no one knew me, or knew my family. I was lost.
I contacted an older girl and talked to her about my feelings of being lost and she talked to me about reconnecting with my God and making Him mine- not my parents or my youth group's. I had to find a way to get to know him- without all the trappings of what I once knew.
It wasn't easy by any means- I have never been known for my disciplined lifestyle so picking my way through was difficult, and foreign.
I Corinthians 13:11
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.....
To be continued.....

Amazing Grace

There are so many variations of the hymn Amazing Grace. The lyrics were penned in late 18th century by a sailor, John Newton. He was converted after a storm while on a slaving ship and his later life was spent as a strong Christian and abolitionist.
I was listening to a song yesterday on the radio about a prodigal and the phrase 'amazing grace how sweet the sound' was part of the lyrics. That phrase specifically, is one that it used repeatedly in Christian songs or even songs about hope in general. I started thinking about it- it being that grace had a sound. What a strange concept!
Grace for each one of us is unique and specific to our life situation even though the basic concept of it coming from God- and we receive it even when we don't deserve it is the same throughout.
I started thinking about how Grace sounded in my own life. I hear it in the silence of the night when my children sleep. I hear it in their spontaneous laughter. I hear grace in worship when I am reminded of truths regarding God's prescence in my life. I hear it in the sounds of nature. Grace is a sweet sound. It is a sound like no other because it has nothing to do with our own actions.

If you have ever wandered away from the Heavenly Father- and you return- Grace is like rushing wind or a heavy thunderstorm. If you have ever been hurting beyond what you though you could handle- Grace can take many forms- sweet silence, the timely ringing of the phone from a friend, a hug, or even the sounds of the birds in the air. Maybe Grace sounds like the door opening- and seeing someone you love walk through the door when you never thought they would. Or like in the Bible, the sound of grace comes in the running of sandaled feet down a dirt road to a loving father.

Think about it in your own life. What DOES grace sound like for you? How has God manifested Himself in your own life?

Romans 5:16-21 (New Living Translation)
16 And the result of God's gracious gift is very different from the result of that one man's sin. For Adam's sin led to condemnation, but we have the free gift of being accepted by God, even though we are guilty of many sins. 17 The sin of this one man, Adam, caused death to rule over us, but all who receive God's wonderful, gracious gift of righteousness will live in triumph over sin and death through this one man, Jesus Christ. 18 Yes, Adam's one sin brought condemnation upon everyone, but Christ's one act of righteousness makes all people right in God's sight and gives them life. 19 Because one person disobeyed God, many people became sinners. But because one other person obeyed God, many people will be made right in God's sight. 20 God's law was given so that all people could see how sinful they were. But as people sinned more and more, God's wonderful kindness became more abundant. 21 So just as sin ruled over all people and brought them to death, now God's wonderful kindness rules instead, giving us right standing with God and resulting in eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

And for all of us as Christians- Grace sounds like the suffering of our Savior- the amazing sacrifice of Himself to the Will of His Father. The nails being hammered, the cry to His father in Heaven, the last breath, and the sound of an empty tomb. Amazing. Amazing Grace- given to us by a loving God in spite of ourselves.

"Amazing Grace"
Amazing grace, how sweet the soundThat sav'd a wretch like me!I once was lost, but now am found,Was blind, but now I see.
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,And grace my fears reliev'd;How precious did that grace appear,The hour I first believ'd!
Thro' many dangers, toils and snares,I have already come;'Tis grace has brought me safe thus far,And grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promis'd good to me,His word my hope secures;He will my shield and portion be,As long as life endures.
Yes, when this flesh and heart shall fail,And mortal life shall cease;I shall possess, within the veil,A life of joy and peace.
The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,The sun forbear to shine;But God, who call'd me here below,Will be forever mine.
John New­ton, Ol­ney Hymns (Lon­don: W. Ol­i­ver, 1779)