married to the ministry

Thoughts on Motherhood

2009-09-18T11:01:00.000-07:00

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven…
{God} has made everything beautiful in its time
Ecclesiastes 3:1, 11a

Sonogram pictures, alien movements in your stomach, explosion of cellulite in places you can't see, waddling, pain, wonder and awe. Sleepless nights, spit-up stains, teething for a year, a smile, a baby giggle. And so it begins.

The endless and amazing journey of motherhood. Motherhood demands finding joy in the mundane. There are days you don’t want to answer to the name “momma” and days when you just wish they would say ‘momma’ and not ‘moooom’.

It is a battle to find yourself; creating a new role that grows, changes and evolves through different stages of life. So much is required. So much is taken.

God is the sustainer of the Universe and the sustainer of Mothers. HE is who you depend on when the cheerios are flying, when the fever doesn’t subside, on your first run to the Emergency Room, as you sit outside your child’s room while he is in ‘time out’ and as you see your child walk out the front door and onto the school bus.

Jesus loved to speak in parables. Parables were stories, short- some of them only a sentence or two , that were extremely long on powerful and life giving truth. Mothers tend to talk to one another in parables. Advice floats around any playground, waiting room, and biblestudy class. Sometimes the advice is blatant, but most often, it is told through a story, a recounting of past experience or a commiserating moment. Sometimes you appreciate the advice, latch onto it, and at other times you just tune out.

Tuning out- another gift acquired by becoming a mother.

These moments are basic reminders of this truth: to savor every moment you have with your child, realizing that there is a time for everything and God has made everything beautiful in its time. To remember: put everything in the eternal perspective, taking each day one at a time- while preparing little hearts for eternity.

Motherhood is not for the faint of heart. It is an intense balancing act made up of many dichotomies. You meet the needs of yourself, your husband, your children while serving and loving God. You clean the house and go on a date with your husband. You hug your child and you discipline your child (or you discipline your child and then hug your child). You become a gourmet cook as a newlywed- to make peanut butter sandwiches as a mother. You look through magazines and admire the designer clothes just to get up the next morning and throw on the sweats. You are filled with warm fuzzies looking at your children sleeping and want to pinch their heads off as soon as they wake up.

Motherhood- pulling, pushing, gnashing, tearing, and... loving- more than you ever thought yourself capable. Is it any wonder Mothers are exhausted and amazing? Props to the moms out there!

xoxo- Julie

Life with Raney Grace- First Grader

2009-09-04T13:12:00.000-07:00

Life with Raney is never boring...as she starts First Grade- I am celebrating her with a few things that have come out of her mouth over the past couple of weeks...

Raney: "I am so sad Patrick is not in my class, but at least I can look at his picture in the yearbook! "
Parker: "Raney, you will see him at Recess!"
Raney: "Mom, I will see him at recess! "

Raney singing, "God...you are so powerful....gooder than me!"

Raney: "When I am a grown-up, Mom, will you let me have kids?"

Raney: "Mom, will you still think I am cute when I am big?"

Me: "Raney- I told you, do NOT talk to strangers!"
Raney: "Mom, how is he a stranger if he told me who he was?"
Me: "He is a stranger if I do not know him and if you haven't asked me if you can meet him"
Quiet for a little while...
Raney: "Mom, why does God make strangers?"

Me: "Raney do you want to play Lacrosse like Parker?"
Raney: "I don't know...maybe..."
Me: "Let's try it, if you don't like it you can go back to soccer in the Spring."
Raney: "Can I wear my soccer SHOES (cleats) when I play Lacrosse?"
Me: "Sure!"
Raney: "Okay, then I would LOVE to play Lacrosse."

I am getting braces later this month. Raney was with me when I met with the orthodontist. She was very suprised that 'Grown-ups' get braces. So she asked the orthodontist, "Do animals get braces?" I thought, how ridiculous, and quickly tried to get her to be quiet (I had been trying frequently). The orthodontist then replied, "Actually, yes, I even put an appliance in a lion a few years back!" Who knew?!?!?

Raney: "Can God hold up the world with his pinkie?"
Katherine: "Raney- God has the whole world in His hands..."

Our car breaks out into song.

Light at the End of the Tunnel?

2009-09-02T02:46:00.000-07:00

This is the first year that all three of my kids will be in school the whole day! Am I happy? Am I sad? I am not sure what to feel, except I am looking forward to school starting. It is time.

People keep telling me, and I have found myself repeating: "I can see the light at the end of the tunnel". And yet...I wonder?

I am really starting another type of tunnel- and one day I will see the light at the end of that one...and then start again. Because, I think, as a parent- it is never easy. And it never ends. Whether your children are all under the age of 5, or starting school, or starting to drive and date, or heading off to college, or getting married, or starting families of their own, or...ever. You are always a parent.

Those first few years were not easy...but they brought their own joys. Some things that helped me along the way was laughter, time with God and time with other mothers.

When we lived in Texas- MOPS was my saving grace. I started when Parker was 7 months old. It was not always easy getting there and I couldn't do the crafts to save my life- but the fellowship and the looking beyond myself was a huge gift.

I joined not knowing anyone and came away with many friendships. I loved actually eating a meal without a child on my lap, I loved getting dressed for a purpose, I loved hearing tips on how to be a more Godly woman, a better mother, and a creative genius. I am not sure I achieved any of those- but it gave me hope and inspiration to hear other women share their own journeys.

As my children grew older, I went to another MOPS group and was a 'table leader'. I loved it! You see, since I had THREE children I became the veteran to those new mothers. Who knew?

I knew I didn't have it together. I knew that on the way I had spilled my egg dish on that sharp turn as I was trying to feed my youngest with my arm over the seat, while yelling at my oldest to be quiet, and trying to get my middle to keep her shoes on. But those very experiences enabled me to encourage.

And when we moved to Virginia, I joined a 'Wednesdays for Women' group at our Church. For two years, the women there encouraged me. I was consistently late, and many times Raney was just wearing a jacket and diaper since she was severely carsick and had thrown up on the way, but God blessed my time with those women and with Him. One of the women even brought me a LARGE coffee can for the car with a lid for those throw-up experiences...what a priceless gift!

Most recently, I have loved being part of a small group- going through the book of John (and other topics) while living in the messiness of life.

There are times I have taken a break from community. Whenever I find myself having a 'pity party' and I complain to my mother- she pushes me to find a Bible study, get in with a group of women, saying, "Julie, don't you remember how you loved it?" And I have done the same with her. She is with a group of women she has known for years and years, but sharing Bible Study together is something they hadn't done since their kids were young. I am excited about joining Community Bible Study.

And I wonder, what's next? Where is God going to take me now?

All I know is that I am seeking, waiting expectantly for God, celebrating where I have been, and where I am going.

I encourage you to get connected to some type of fellowship or community. It really doesn't matter what stage in life you are in- there is a group of women waiting just for you.

Happy Birthday Todd!

2009-08-26T04:00:00.000-07:00

I don't think people really believe when I tell them that Todd used to wear 'acid wash' jeans. I referred to them in my blogs about Todd and I (http://blogs.frontlinedc.com/2008/05/todd-and-i-part-3-julie-phillips.html). Thought I would share proof in this picture.

My husband turns 40 today. He is such a young 40...in so many ways. It seems surreal to think that my husband is 40. That means I am close to that same age!?!? We used to look at people who turned 40 as 'over the hill'. What were we thinking? There is so much life still to live...

I look back on our time together and I feel so fortunate to have been part of Todd's last 15 years. God has been so gracious. Ten years ago on August 26th- Parker was a few days over 1 month old and Todd was turning 30. Fourteen years ago on August 26th- Todd asked me to marry him. He said it was what he wanted for his birthday. Wow- time has flown...

I wanted to celebrate Todd- and go back a few years. This week has been one of remembrance: from Todd's Frontline Sermon, to his Surprise Birthday Party, through finding old pictures and figuring out how to work my scanner. I found the poem I wrote for Todd in August of 1995- close to when he asked my father for my hand in marriage:

In my love's arms, I find my heart.
When they wrap around me I know all is right and I am safe.
There is strength cloaked with the promise of gentleness.
When he uses them to teach, his sincerity is imprinted on my mind through the use of his hands.
He makes points regarding God's love and when the time comes for those same arms and hands to be wrapped around me~ He makes the same point about God's love.
It's fullness and peacefullness are felt through my love's touch.

There is nothing like it~ for in my love's arms. I find my heart.

Okay, so I will never compete with the likes of John Donne or Emily Dickinson- but they were, and are, my words for my husband. I am so, so blessed.

I pray that Todd will wake up each morning asking himself, "What can I do for you today, God?" That is a man a woman celebrates.

And that the next forty years of his life are even more amazing...I will try to stay up with him!

Crisis of Belief

2009-05-05T08:35:00.000-07:00

I have been reading a book called The Persecutor by Sergei Kourdakov. (Other versions were published under Forgive me, Natasha). During the late 1960s and early 1970s he worked for the Russian police in terrorizing Christians- beatings, stalkings, and even the deaths of Christians were done under his leadership. However, through witnessing the faith of those he hurt, he came to know Jesus. Ultimately, he escaped to America and traveled speaking about his faith until he was shot under mysterious circumstances in 1973. He was 21 years old. It is a book that has caused me to look at my own faith and wonder how my faith would stand in the face of persecution.

I wanted to know more about Sergei and those mentioned in his book, so I went to the internet. I found a Christian woman who had also read the book when she was young and as she got older, she decided to do a documentary on the book. Supposedly, it was a fascinating journey for her as she started out just trying to trace Sergei's life but ultimately ended up investigating the claims made in the book. It brought her to a crisis of faith as she realized that much of the book was fiction. The documentary, first based on Sergei, ends up being a witness to the heartbreaking journey of this young women as she comes to terms with truth and her own faith in Christ. The documentary is called, Forgive me, Sergei, and I have been trying to track down a way to view the documentary.

My whole point of this blog, however, is to remind us that our faith will always have those moments of crisis. Many times they come when we have been heartbreakingly disappointed. We come to realize that those we looked up to in our faith- are just sinful humans like we are. We see leaders fall into sin and their dramatic fall has an echoing impact throughout other lives. We have to pick up pieces of children or adults who have been hurt by those in Christian leadership or their Christian parents. We are forced to defend church, our faith, and Jesus. And in the quiet, hopefully, we turn to the Bible...and to our own faith, trying to find answers.

God's word says in Romans 3: What if some were unfaithful? Does their faithlessness nullify the faithfulness of God? By no means! Let God be true though every man be false...

You see, God's truth, His faithfulness, His love, His justice- are never dependent on humans. Instead- they stand alone. He is the Alpha...and the Omega.

However, many of us, allow our attention and focus to be moved from God to a human- whether parent, friend, mentor, leader or pastor. And we are disappointed. And we, ourselves, disappoint others. Because we are sinful. And we need a Savior. To rescue us. To redeem us.

What we need to understand is that all crises are opportunities for us to grow in our own faith. We mature a little each time we are faced with a crisis. If we continue to press on, we grow. We return to the basics and the truth found in scripture. We re-aquaint ourselves with a strong, yet compassionate Savior. We spend time in the book of John- following Jesus' footsteps and we let all falseness fall away. We seek comfort in Psalms and thumb through worn out devotionals.

Personally, through my Christian journey, I have realized there are patterns in my walk. Just like in the Bible- (one of my teachers called it the Jewish Sin Cycle)- the Israelites come to know God in His pursuit of them, there is a honeymoon time, they are tested, some of the time- they are found wanting, they fall, and then God restores them. Do you see that in your own life?

I go back to Experiencing God and the seven realities, truths, steps of faith:
1. God is always at work around us
2. God pursues us- His children
3. God invites us to join Him in HIS work
4. God speaks to us through the Bible, the Holy Spirit, other people and circumstances
5. We go through a Crisis of Belief
6. We make major adjustments to our understanding of God based on HIS truth
7. We come to know God more, we mature a little more

Where are you? Are you in a crisis of belief? Are you joining God where you see Him working? Are you in the process of making major adjustments to your life? When you look at your well of faith- is it deepening or evaporating in the midst of crisis? Do you run or turn to God? Or do you do a little of both?

Whatever action or circumstance you find yourself in right now- there is always hope. You stop. You be still. You listen. You confess. You re-engage with the Savior, you return to His truth, and you allow God to reaffirm your place with Him, allowing God to move in to every part of your life and re-establish Himself as Ruler- on the the throne.

I hear Todd all over this blog. One of his favorite verses to use when he talks of struggling to find faith is the father in Mark 9: 24 Immediately the boy's father cried out and said, "I do believe; help my unbelief.

That is what we need to do in times of testing or crises. We look up to heaven and we cry out, "I believe you can do anything God! Help me with any doubt remaining to truly follow you! Wherever you lead!"

Unconditional Love

2009-04-20T08:48:00.000-07:00

Memories stand the test of time. There are memories that move in our minds like slide shows and others that are moving pictures. Sometimes the memories come in response to emotions, others to words that we read, and some others are just flashes.

One memory of mine has stayed with me over the years. I was in highschool and upset about something. Isn't it funny- I don't remember the reason- I just remember what happened after. I was closed off and numb, hurting. My parents saw this...and what I remember is my dad coming to me in the kitchen of our house and asking for me to hug him. His arms were open to me- but I was closed to him.

I shook my head to say 'no' with tears streaming down my face. So my dad moved towards me and wrapped his arms around me. My arms were crossed inside of his hug- but his arms were open and surrounding me. My tears continued to fall. I was so NOT wanting to respond. There was a part of me that resented his love and yet I felt comforted.

This memory comes periodically in my life when I think about unconditional love. My dad's love and comfort was not dependent on my response to him- but only because he wanted to love me. To love me...

I know I was hurting my dad by not responding to his love- I wanted to hold onto my pain and I wasn't sure how to make it end.

I look back at that experience now and wonder- if I had opened my arms to his love wouldn't I have felt even more loved? even more comforted? But, there are many days we fight the very love that holds us.

Such a beautiful picture of our Saviour's love for us. It is just there for our asking. There is a song out now called "By Your Side" that has the words, "Please don't fight the hands that are holding you"- and I totally relate to that concept!

There are just some days we fight the love that God has for us. There are a myriad of reasons- but the truth we need to hold onto and work towards is that God's love is truly unconditional and will be there- even when we turn away from it. But, our life would be so much more abundant if we don't fight it- if we allow God to love us, to mold us, to move us toward being more like Him. If we allow God to comfort us, maybe our pain wouldn't last so long. Wow- God is so amazing!

Dear Mom and Dad

2009-02-18T11:11:00.001-08:00

Dear Mom and Dad,

Today I took Parker and Katherine to the Orthodontist. I walked in there full of dreams of beautiful teeth for my children and walked out realizing I would not be getting a new car for a while- since beautiful teeth cost a car payment- especially with multiple kids. So, I thought I would write a letter and tell you both 'thank you'. Thank you for taking me to the orthodontist for many years and sacrificing. As my children continue to grow- I am realizing that sacrifice is what you guys did for so many years. You sacrificed for me...because you loved me. You made things look so easy...and yet I know now- that parenting is NOT easy.

Raney talks ALL the time! I think to myself, "no other kid can talk this much!" And then you tell me that I did. Wow! And I never felt like you were tuning me out- I always felt that you wanted to listen to anything I wanted to say- you must have had parenting superpowers to listen and listen and listen.

We have been going out to eat ever so often in actual restaurants- I started to realize my kids thought eating out was driving up to a window. We wanted to teach them how to behave in a restaurant- manners and all that jazz. And then the bill came?!!? Did you really take us to lunch EVERY Sunday? Again- sacrifice.

It kinda freaks me out when my kids ask hard questions- how did you know the answers? How did you make feel so safe? How did you hug me all the time? With three kids- I can get rather 'touched out'. Your arms were always open to me. Thank you.

And that whole getting us dressed every Sunday and going to church by 8:30am! Wow- hard work! It might make you feel better that we fight on the way to church too- I think a lot of families do. Satan is alive and well in the cars of many on the way to church.

I am already starting to freak out about our kids driving...and dating...and being responsible for their own homework and tests. How did you do it all? I really admire you guys and I am so grateful for your example in my life.

It is not all hard- the joys outweigh the sacrifice...so I get it..but it can be really hard. Playing games, laughing, wrestling, working through issues, praying together, talking about God- a family. It still surprises me that I am old enough to be at this stage in life. Where did time go?

Parker threw a ball yesterday and broke a window in our neighbor's house. He came in and told us immediately- and was so proud of himself- even knowing he was going to be paying for it. We were proud of him even though frustrated. I learned by you guys that 'there is always something'- you don't just coast through life.

Katherine is a little nurturer. Raney got hurt the other night and I wasn't there. Todd was kinda freaking out- so Katherine became the little mommy helping Raney get the band-aids. So cute! I love watching her grow up.

The other day driving with Raney we saw a clearing that used to be covered in trees. Her amazement was overwhelming. She innocently asked, "Wow- Mom, did the beavers do that?" Her imagination shines through and even though my ears get tired- I want her to stay little.

Just a little glimpse into what has been going on in our lives. Thank you for everything...and I do mean EVERYTHING!

I love you,

Julie

Just Jesus

2008-11-21T06:20:00.000-08:00

My job was to bring 24 small water bottles to Raney’s class for a party. I was afraid that if I bought them too far in advance- they would mysteriously disappear in the hands of the many and various children that come through my doors on any given day. My children love to provide water to the masses for some reason. So, I waited until the day of the party went to the store closest to my house and lo and behold- the shelves were bare!

There was water with raspberry, lemon and other flavors; there was water with electrolytes, added vitamins, and fluoride. There was boxed water with light sugar added for flavor and all other such nonsense. However, I could not find JUST WATER.

All of the sudden- a quote came to mind from earlier in the week. I had read it within my precepts class and the lesson God was teaching me reverberated in my head. This is the quote:
Who will honor God by treasuring His every word- especially over the words of human beings? O Beloved, woe to you if you have time for the writings of humans and not the writings of God. Kay Arthur (Isaiah Precepts- Lesson 4)

Maybe you don’t get distracted throughout your week by the creations of humans- whether it is music, written words or video- but I do. I was struck by the failure to find JUST WATER…and JUST JESUS not always being enough for me struck me. Sometimes I do my Bible study SO THAT I can read other stuff without guilt. Wow! So convicted…. The Bible is my speed bump to the rest of the road? How backwards is that?

Throughout the Bible we find references to thirst, hunger, and water in regards to the satisfaction found in Jesus/God/our relationship with Him. A profound example is when Jesus talks to the Woman at the Well (John 4). He doesn’t offer her anything except the Living Water-, which is Himself. It was enough for her…is it enough for me?

On the last and most important day of the festival, Jesus stood up and shouted, "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink! John 7:37

Matthew Henry says this about John 7:37- “If any man desires to be truly and for ever happy, let him apply to Christ, and be ruled by him. This thirst means strong desires after spiritual blessings, which nothing else can satisfy.”

People who make the water products today add all these extra things to make the water more palatable- ‘easier to go down’ so to speak. I think many of us Christians and Churches today do the same thing. We worry that teachings of Jesus and God are not enough- we have to make them exciting- adding elements that may or may not enhance people’s understanding of Jesus.

I would challenge us to think about this over the next few days or weeks. Is Jesus enough? Why or why not?

Dwell on God’s word, sit and be still listening for Just Jesus- blocking all other ‘enhancers’ so that you are able to hear God’s voice without all the other distractions. There is peace to be found when we realize that all our satisfaction can truly be found in JUST JESUS, we only have to reach for Him.

Not a Sermon, just a itty bitty Thought

2008-11-17T13:24:00.000-08:00

Parker has his first EVER basketball practice today. We are making our rounds through the sports- we have tried soccer, baseball and lacrosse. So far, soccer and lacrosse are the winners, but he is really excited about playing basketball.

We went last night to buy basketball shoes. Parker was immediately drawn to the most expensive. I told him he could try all of them on- but just because it was expensive didn't mean it was the best. I could tell he didn't believe me.

He cracked me up. He would put on the shoes and do this little 'run, jump stop, run' routine. After the 6th shoe, I asked him what he was doing. He informed me that he was waiting to see which one squeaked like real basketball players.

So funny! He wanted the most expensive shoes, and he wanted them to squeak like 'real' basketball players and yet, Parker had never even been to a basketball practice!

I told him that the 'squeaking' would come with a real basketball floor, and also after he had actually learned some drills. He then reluctantly admitted that the shoes on sale were the most comfortable. Life lessons.

Isn't that often what we do in our Christian walk, journey, experience? So often, we look to those with more experience walking closely with the Lord and we try to imitate them. But, without actually 'practicing' the activities that draw us closer to being a more mature Christian. We talk the talk- but fail to walk the walk.

We must remain, and abide in Christ fully. He is the only one truly worthy of imitation even though there are people in our lives that we can emulate to bring us closer to God. However, if we are only focused on the outward trappings rather than the inner man or woman, we are missing the mark.

Colossians 1:9-17
For this reason, since the day we heard about this, we have not stopped praying for you and asking that you may be filled with the full knowledge of God's will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you might live in a manner worthy of the Lord and be fully pleasing to him as you bear fruit in every good work and grow in the full knowledge of God. You are being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might, so that you might patiently endure everything with joy and might thank the Father, who has enabled us to share in the saints’ inheritance in the light. He has rescued us from the power of darkness and has brought us into the kingdom of the Son whom he loves. In him we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things in heaven and on earth were created, things visible and invisible, whether they are kings, lords, rulers, or powers. All things have been created through him and for him. He himself existed before all things, and by him all things hold together.

If you are desiring your life to 'squeak' like a mature Christian- focus on those things that help you grow- prayer, Bible study, a preoccupation with things that please Christ. Just a little reminder to myself and to you.

Blessings,
Julie

God's Word

2008-11-03T08:14:00.000-08:00

I woke up today and really nothing had changed from yesterday. And I will wake up tomorrow and though it is election day- for the most part- my world will go on as normal. And the day after, barring a miserable recount, I will wake up the same way as the day before.

Voting is essential and an expression of a right bought and paid for by many noble men who had a vision for democracy and freedom. Todd and I have recently watched the John Adams miniseries and it is an outstanding look at the heart-wrenching, soul- searching issues that our founding fathers went through in creating our United States. I don’t think I had ever realized the extent though, the written letters have always amazed me, as well as the formal documents created during this time. It was not an easy choice to remove themselves from their country- the issues were not always black and white.

But I woke up this morning being reminded of something even more profound:

For, "All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field; the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of the Lord stands forever." And this is the word that was preached to you. (1 Peter 1:24-25).

No matter the outcome of the election, we as Christians need to be reminded that God’s word is what stands FOREVER. No matter who is on the proverbial throne- we have King that we follow no matter who is ‘leading’. We have statutes, principles, and laws that stand the test of time. We have a higher calling:

His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.
For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Peter 1:3-8.

So, whether your candidate wins tomorrow or not, you still belong to the King of Kings. Let go of all bitterness, malice and contempt. Do not stop fighting for what you believe in, but let’s all realize that someone much higher than any earthly person is in charge. And though we don’t always understand God’s ways- they are HIS ways and His word is filled with responsibilities for us as Christians to pursue. His Holy Spirit will enable us to live a life filled with faith, goodness, self-control, perseverance, godliness, brotherly kindness and love. These are requirements of us, as Christians- and they DO NOT CHANGE. Just as God’s word doesn’t change.

Blessings.

Jesus Comes Near

2008-10-26T05:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder if I am ‘too familiar’ with my Savior. A book that has impacted me regarding the person of Christ is called God Came Near by Max Lucado. I loved it when I read it during college and it was the very first book I ever gave to Todd.

Why? You wonder. It is not a theological exegesis on the Savior of the World- but does exactly what the title suggests. It brings God, in the person of Christ, near to me.

One of my favorite chapters is Twenty-five questions for Mary. I loved reading it then writing my own questions out to the side. Maybe, like Jessica Thompson does regarding her questions for God, I will just ask God to ‘add them to my list’ in my prayer time.

You see Mary was a mother like me. A mother with fears, frustrations, love and joy- just like me. But, unlike me, she was the mother to a perfect God- in the form of a baby that she watched grow. She nurtured him, and took care of him; she watched in the doorway as Jesus worked with Joseph in the carpentry shop, if Jesus was sick, she probably stayed up with Him. And that is another question for Mary- does a perfect God get sick?

Now, I would love to sit at Mary’s feet and learn from her. What would she do with the internet and her son Jesus? Would she run out and protect Him from bullies? Did Jesus clean His room? Help around the house? Have chores? Would she let Him watch PG-13 movies? And would He even want to?

How did she feel to see her son teaching in the temple? Proud? Or sad, knowing that He was really not hers that He belonged to the world and was stepping into His role- as Teacher, Master, Redeemer, and Savior.

All of these thoughts echo in my head as Frontline begins a three-week series on 'Who is Jesus?' (www.frontlinedc.com)

Over the years my understanding of who He is has been shaped by many things- most recently by studying the book of John, verse by verse. At times I felt that Jesus was austere, removed, but at others I sensed his passion in the fervent expressions of the words He spoke. He was a man burdened, a man of sorrows and a man of love. God came near to me again as we studied John 17. In this chapter you hear Jesus’ heart for His disciples, and those coming after.

Who is Jesus to me? At times He is my closest friend, at others He is my teacher and one who convicts me, but at all times HE IS MY SAVIOR.

All the way my Savior leads me, What have I to ask beside? Can I doubt His tender mercy, Who through life has been my Guide? Heav’nly peace, divinest comfort, Here by faith in Him to dwell! For I know, whate’er befall me, Jesus doeth all things well; For I know, whate’er befall me, Jesus doeth all things well.

All the way my Savior leads me, Cheers each winding path I tread, Gives me grace for every trial, Feeds me with the living Bread. Though my weary steps may falter And my soul athirst may be, Gushing from the Rock before me, Lo! A spring of joy I see; Gushing from the Rock before me, Lo! A spring of joy I see.

All the way my Savior leads me, Oh, the fullness of His love! Perfect rest to me is promised In my Father’s house above. When my spirit, clothed immortal, Wings its flight to realms of day This my song through endless ages: Jesus led me all the way; This my song through endless ages: Jesus led me all the way. (Fanny J. Crosby 1875)

Prevent and Prepare

2008-08-10T09:27:00.000-07:00

Todd got a ticket on the way home from taking Parker to camp last Sunday. It wasn’t for speeding or doing anything blatantly wrong- it was for expired license plate tags. I wrote a blog about this same thing happening to me (http://juliegphillips.blogspot.com/2008/03/journey-with-julie.html) in March. Obviously there are some preventative steps Todd and I can take to keep this from happening to us.

When we lived in San Antonio we had the blessing of purchasing our first NEW home. We went through the whole finishing the building, the inspection process, etc. I was 6 months pregnant with Parker. It was so much fun! We had lived there about one year when we were woken up one night to continuous beeping. It was not fun to wake up to this annoying sound. It was the smoke alarms. They were going off but not from smoke. The batteries were going out. If there had been a hidden camera- we could have won money! We were going through our house waiting by each of the smoke alarms trying to figure out which one was beeping! But they were taking turns…

“It is this one!”

“No, this one…”

“It is coming from over there”

“Quick, before Parker wakes up!”

Complete chaos! Needless to say, we didn’t figure it out. Todd ended up just taking the batteries out of all of them and we prayed there wasn’t a fire for the rest of the night. We didn’t have a plethora of nine-volt batteries in the house to replace them and would have to make a run to the store.

Now before all of you kindly people out in blog-o-sphere offer all of your ideas…we know and have learned that it is best to change the batteries with Daylight Savings time. See…preventative measures to keep the alarms from going off in the middle of the night.

God desires us to enact preventative measures in our life as well. The Bible is filled with verses to inspire, encourage, and challenge us to be Holy, pursue a life of righteousness and share the hope that lies within. However, many of us just remove the batteries and go back to sleep. We don’t get to the bottom of our sin, we don’t seek out the root of our issue and we keep going along half-heartedly following Jesus. Here are some verses that I hope will encourage you to dig deeper into your own walk- seeking to clean out the hidden closets of unrighteousness in your life- why? Because God commands us to “Be Holy”. Isn't that reason enough? And like Jude 3- we must all FIGHT for our faith- but for many of us the fight begins in the preventative and the preparation of our armor (Eph 6).

Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep a clear head, and set your hope completely on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. As obedient children, do not be shaped by the desires that you once had in your ignorance. Instead, just as the one who called you is holy, be holy in every aspect of your life. For it is written, "You must be holy, because I am holy. 1 Peter 1:13-16

Keep reminding them of these things. Warn them before God against quarreling about words; it is of no value, and only ruins those who listen. Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth. Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more...Nevertheless, God's solid foundation stands firm, sealed with this inscription: "The Lord knows those who are his,"and, "Everyone who confesses the name of the Lord must turn away from wickedness." If a man cleanses himself from the latter, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work. Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will. Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction. But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry. 2 Timothy 2 14-15,19, 21-26; 4:2, 5

A little talk with Jesus

2008-07-16T07:16:00.000-07:00

While in Texas my children listened to many CDs driving around. My mother has a kids’ cd that has many old hymns on it. Raney just loved it! She would sing and sing. One of the songs is “Just a little Talk with Jesus”. The refrain says, “A little talk with Jesus makes it right” but Raney would sing…. “A little talk with Jesus makes ME right”.

I laughed because so many times that is true! There is self-satisfaction in reading God’s words or praying and saying to ourselves… “See…I am RIGHT!” But we have to be careful in how we allow those thoughts to manifest themselves.

Just a little difference in words but it can be profound. Now, talking to Jesus does make us feel better, but it doesn’t always make us ‘right’ as in correct!

However, I think many of us make assumptions of what God is saying…and then we generously share those thoughts with others.

We get the idea of prayer, and reading the Bible out of whack. Rather than going to Jesus to align our thoughts with His…we try to make His words JUSTIFY our actions, thoughts, and ‘holier than thou’ attitudes. I am not saying this always happens but that it CAN happen…and very subtlety.

Matthew 7:1-5 says, "Stop judging, so that you won't be judged. For with the judgment you use, you will be judged. And with the measure you use, you will be measured. "Why do you see the speck in your brother's eye but fail to notice the beam in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when the beam is in your own eye? You hypocrite! First remove the beam from your own eye, and then you will see clearly enough to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

Humility. A character trait sorely missing in many of us at times. We must check ourselves often and allow God to work out the motives in our heart. Do we want to be ‘right’ so that we can be more like Jesus? Or are we wanting to be ‘right’ so that we tell others they are wrong and in doing so- puff up ourselves?

It is a dangerous line to walk and one I wanted to bring to light.

Not a new thought by any means. We all struggle with this. Our goal is to be Holy like God. When I find myself feeling some self righteous thoughts- I try to take a step back and just allow my life to speak for me- allowing God’s words and my time with Him to be my focus, rather than pushing my own agenda.

Jeremiah 17:9-109 "The human heart is most deceitful and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is? 10 But I know! I, the LORD, search all hearts and examine secret motives. I give all people their due rewards, according to what their actions deserve."

Heritage of Faith

2008-07-13T07:49:00.000-07:00

Heritage...women in the Bible...female relationships...Women of Faith...

I read a book a while back called The Red Tent. It is about the relationships of women in the old Testament- particularly Leah, Rachel and kin. I don't know that I would recommend the book- but one thing stood out to me and that was the importance of female relationships. Let's be honest- relationships among women can be really difficult. There is the unspoken competition, the PMS 'you are getting on my last nerve' reactions, the ups and down of weight, the comparisons, etc, etc. However, there is also strength. We, as women, have the ability to walk along side one another in a way that men can never have.

And in our families...we women can be the bearers of faith- passing down faith and our relationship with God to the next generation.

When I was home this past month, I went through some things that mother had kept for me. I came across an email that my grandmother had sent me. She never went to college, her life was not easy by any means, her love wasn't always felt by all... but she was a woman of faith and I saw it, experienced, received it and counted on it. It is one of the reasons I miss her. This email was in response to an email I had sent out in regards to Todd not getting a job- it was in the time of our 18month desert experience where we didn't have any income. Two weeks later we were interviewing for a job at Frontline. Isn't it funny how God works?

March 29, 2004

Hi Todd and Julie,

I wanted to say thank you for keeping us informed on what is going on in your life. There is no need for me to tell you that we all have things that don't work out the way we want, but that God is in control and all is well. I thank God for your faith and leaning on God to direct your lives. Enough said, except I thank God for both of you and your dedication in following him.

I don't know if you use the Upper Room or not, being an old Methodist I cannot get a way from it. If you do use it you have probably seen today's devotion, but just in case I felt it fit my life as well as yours. I would like to share a part of it. The title is "Out of the Fire", scripture is 1 Peter 4:12-19. It talks of a forest fire and how after the fire things come to light. New plants spring up and it is God's way of bringing new life. The last paragraph says, "Like those forest fires, the fiery trials we endure are forces that can produce spiritual growth in our lives. God uses these experiences to refine us. To be sure, we are changed forever by the fires, but the purifying of our hearts and minds also allows seeds of spiritual maturity to take root and grow."

I think this applies to everyone, but I wanted to share it with you today. Please know we love you and you are in our prayers. Give the kids a big hug!!

Love, Grana

My response:

Grana, Thanks so much for sharing. Todd and I really appreciated your words...it brought tears to my eyes to realize what a gift I have in having a grandmother that actually pursues her faith on a DAILY basis- your wisdom (and don't send me an email saying Grana isn't wise) is wonderful. I love being at least a 3rd generation woman of God.

* The pictures above are from Raney's 1st birthday and dedication. We dedicated her at home among friends and family and had Todd's mom, my mom, my grana and myself pray over Raney. I wanted her to be surrounded by strong women of faith. All of our faith, over the years, had been tested and yet was still strong.*

Phillips Family- Life on the Road

2008-06-28T09:32:00.001-07:00

Hello all,

Many of you know the kids and I are in Texas visiting family while Todd is on a Mountain Climb in Russia. Todd is with a group of Frontliners raising money and awareness for water in Liberia. Their goal is to provide water for the entire nation over the next 5-7 years. The group is working with Living Water International to organize water wells, pumps, etc. so that clean water will be provided for the people of Liberia. I thought I would share Todd's blog regarding the team's progress in Russia.

http://www.thelastwell.com/blog-content.html

As far as the kids and I...
We are doing extremely well though we have been surprised at the whirlwind pace we are moving! We have been to Houston, a visit to a Lakehouse-( lots of fun, sunburn and sore muscles). We have plans to go to San Antonio, and East Texas this next week. Though we had scheduled a time to visit the Hurt Family at their new home in Victoria-we had a minor emergency room visit that took precedence. Katherine had a fall from her bed which caused a concussion...but we hear the Hurts are taking Victoria by storm!

Many blessings to you all,
Julie

Impact?

2008-06-17T05:41:00.000-07:00

The vision of McLean Bible Church is to make an impact on secular Washington with the message of Jesus Christ.

Vision Statement of McLean Bible Church. This town is all about impact. This week, in the death of Tim Russert- we saw how impact has ripple effects. I am a Russert Fan. I am also a Chris Matthews fan, an Anderson Cooper Fan and a Brit Hume Fan. I am NOT a Bill O’Reilly fan, a Glenn Beck fan or a Keith Olberman fan. I am sad that Tim Russert will not be there to guide me in processing the political climate of our nation.

But, what I noticed most this last weekend was the impact that he had on so many people- and not just politically. Russert was known to be a wonderful father, son, and husband as well as- boss. Though he was a well-known public figure- he also seemed to know the details of people’s lives. I am sure he wasn’t perfect- but I still was consistently struck by the bipartisan love he drew- something difficult in this town. The remembrances were personal, touching, and authentic. That says a lot for a man whose influence extends into the highest echelons of power. Details. That is where impact is made.

And I was left with a question. Impact? What is my impact? AND…is the impact am I making tied to the gospel of Christ? Once again I go back to Todd’s words to me so many years ago: “Julie, you are either drawing people to Jesus or drawing them away.”

By this time the crowd, unwieldy and stepping on each other's toes, numbered into the thousands. But Jesus' primary concern was his disciples. He said to them, "Watch yourselves carefully so you don't get contaminated with Pharisee yeast, Pharisee phoniness. You can't keep your true self hidden forever; before long you'll be exposed. You can't hide behind a religious mask forever; sooner or later the mask will slip and your true face will be known. You can't whisper one thing in private and preach the opposite in public; the day's coming when those whispers will be repeated all over town. Luke 12:1-3 (The Message)

Does my inside life and my outside life match? Do people know the passion of my heart? Is Jesus a part of my conversation? I cannot just ‘preach’- I have to LIVE out a life that draws people to God. Not only do I need to love God- but also I need to truly LOVE the people God created…all people- even the drive through worker that gets my order wrong. To make Jesus known…hmmmmm.

And I ask you the same questions:
What is your impact?
Is the impact you are making tied to the gospel of Christ?
Are you, and your life, drawing people to Jesus?
Does the inside of your life and the outside of your life match?
What is the passion of your heart?
Is Jesus a part of your conversation?
Are you LIVING a life that pleases God and draws people to you so that you can direct them to God?

Ode to Campbell

2008-06-09T08:46:00.000-07:00

My niece is growing up and I cannot wait to see her this summer. One my favorite things that she has done over the past couple of years is say, "I hold you" when she wants to be picked up.

Todd, myself, and my parents are never immune when she runs to you with her arms wide open, squeezing her little fists open and close and reaching for you, "I hold you, Aunt Joolie".

I love to pick her up and just hold her as she cuddles into me. It is a feeling too precious for words and makes me feel like I have conquered the world.

So very cute...but she is growing up and probably no longer says that anymore so I wanted to document it through this short little tidbit as I look forward to seeing her soon.

I was thinking about it this morning and was struck with a thought- Campbell reaching out to me and saying, "I hold you" reminds me of Jesus- reaching out to us with his arms wide open in the midst of trials, joys, and the normal hours of our day.

Jesus reaches out, his arms ready and says, "I hold you".

Not only does He desire for us to respond to Him, but He is telling us a truth- He already holds us! All we have to do is rest in his arms.

Isaiah 49
13 Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth; burst into song, O mountains! For the LORD comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones. 14 But Zion said, "The LORD has forsaken me, the Lord has forgotten me." 15 "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! 16 See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands

Romans 8
38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Psalm 62
5 Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. 6 He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

Matthew 11
28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Twisters and Kids

2008-06-06T07:15:00.000-07:00

Interesting. That is a word that Parker used quite frequently on Wednesday afternoon. Around 2:45 a major thunder storm blew in with tremendous winds, lightning, and thunder. I took a large golf umbrella outside to wait for the bus so I could walk my kids home in the rain. But...the bus didn't come. I went back inside and found out, between the power going out, that the schools were keeping the children at the school due to the various tornadoes that had been spotted throughout the area.

When the kids finally came home and I met them at the bus, there were some tears, whoops of 'coolness', and lots of talking about their experience at school. Their tornado drill was for real today. Now unlike my friend Carie and her kids in Alabama- who are quite used to tornado drills, sirens, and late buses- this was a new experience and somewhat frightening episode for my children.

Katherine wanted hugs, Parker wanted to talk about what an interesting day at school it was, and Raney wanted to talk about 'twisters'. And talk, and talk, and talk. Three children with three different responses.

At one point, Katherine came up to me and whispered, "Why does Jesus make tornadoes?"

Parker jumped all over dad when Todd came home and did a play by play of his afternoon and all the cool things that happened.

And Raney continued to talk about tornadoes.

On the way to the baseball game later that night- Raney was STILL talking about twisters. She had a running commentary going at ALL times. Katherine had her hands over her ears while Raney commented on the leaves, branches and other debris over the roads. These are some of her thoughts/compulsive talking:

"Twisters, I was in a twister when I was three at a museum" (I can't remember this but whatever!).

"I wonder if people died in that house?"
Katherine responded, "No, Raney- there are no windows broken".

And finally- my favorite:
"Twisters are good because they pick you up and put you down in a garden like on Wizard of OZ, right mom?"

Trying to make sense of life's occurrences. Recently Frontline did a Q and A service and addressed the question of why God allows natural disasters. Thought I would share. Enjoy.

Undivided Heart- Holy Abandon

2008-05-30T07:42:00.000-07:00

Deuteronomy 32:1-4
Listen, O heavens, and I will speak; hear, O earth, the words of my mouth. Let my teaching fall like rain and my words descend like dew, like showers on new grass, like abundant rain on tender plants. I will proclaim the name of the LORD. Oh, praise the greatness of our God! He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he.

I just know in heaven I will be tremendously musical. It can be so frustrating to be so talented in my dreams, in my shower, or in my car and yet when others are around me- I am sure I hurt their ears.

How wonderful that God hears my praise- purely.

Undivided Heart:
Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. Psalm 86:11

In my search to try to live with an undivided heart- I have found this idea to be true as well. You must live life with a HOLY abandon. It is a realization of what true freedom in Christ actually is without taking advantage of His grace.

Living life with Holy Abandon in response to God- for who He IS- the great I AM and not for what He has done in my life. Not living life in avoidance of sin (see John McGowans blog: http://thegatheringonline.blogspot.com/)- but embracing Christ and Christ crucified.

Worship- Holding onto the hand of God in the midst of great trial, suffering and even joy. Finding comfort in the greatness of God. It is like walking outside in rain and having one little ray of sunshine just for you- that is what worshipping God with Holy Abandon can be like.

These are just short snippets of thoughts- I haven't quite finished thinking on this.
Any of YOUR thoughts are always welcomed.

Follow Me

2008-05-15T08:34:00.000-07:00

They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his disciples, "Sit here while I pray." He took Peter, James and John along with him, and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death," he said to them. "Stay here and keep watch." Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him. "Abba, Father," he said, "everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will." Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. "Simon," he said to Peter, "are you asleep? Could you not keep watch for one hour? Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." Once more he went away and prayed the same thing. When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. They did not know what to say to him. Returning the third time, he said to them, "Are you still sleeping and resting? Enough! The hour has come. Look, the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Rise! Let us go! Here comes my betrayer!"
Mark 14:32-42 (other references Matthew 26:36-46; Luke 22:39-46)

This is a passage or story that I have heard many times. Most of the time I listen from the point of the disciples. However, recently, I looked at it from Jesus’ point of view and found comfort.

"Abba, Father," he said, "everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will."

How many times have I thought this? And even as I pray it- do I really mean “not my will but yours?”

We see Jesus praying this THREE times. Even though he knew the end of the story, even though he knew God’s plan, even though he knew Heaven more than any one of us could- He still prayed for a ‘plan b’. If there were any other way to accomplish eternal life for us beside what was to come- then that is what Jesus wanted. But there wasn’t, so He went willingly to death, choosing us, suffering for us so that we might live forever with Him, when we receive Him into our hearts.

I find comfort in the truth that Jesus was the only guiltless man, sinless soul and yet He still prayed about following God’s will.

Todd and I were having a discussion recently about life in general and he was challenging me by repeating words to me that I had said (I just hate that!). He said, “Julie, I thought you love being ‘in God’s pocket’”.

And I really, really do. I have learned over the years that not being where God wants me is not fun- to say the least. However, sometimes I struggle to accept and pursue God’s will for me because I see the road ahead fraught with pain, unknowns, and struggle. So, I pray. And I have to admit that many times it takes me a while to say, “not my will, but yours Lord” because I spend the first few days, months, years trying to convince God that my will is probably best. Isn’t that a lark? And yet I know deep down within my soul that God’s will is best for me, even with all the struggles that come. He has promised to be with me.

In the Luke passage it says that an angel came down and strengthened Jesus and ministered to him in the midst of his sorrow. Wow!

Jesus said, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death".

Sorrow, prayer, the need to be strengthened and even frustration is acceptable. But at the end of the day, we need to put all of that ‘stuff’ away and follow God. Down the road knowing that even as hard as God’s will is in our lives- He goes before us, He is within us, and He will be there at the end. And we cry out, Abba Father- Daddy be with me, please hold my hand!

It may be a little blasphemous to use John Denver lyrics to show God’s love- but I kept hearing this chorus in my head and thought it appropriate to express what God desires:

Follow me where I go what I do and who I know
Make it part of you to be a part of me
Follow me up and down all the way and all around
Take my hand and say you'll follow me
You see I'd like to share my life with you
And show you things I've seen
Places that I'm going to places where I've been
To have you there beside me and never be alone
And all the time that you're with me
We will be at home
Follow me where I go what I do and who I know
Make it part of you to be a part of me
Follow me up and down all the way
Take my hand and I will (be with) you

Phunny Phillips' Kids Thoughts

2008-05-05T05:05:00.000-07:00

I told Raney it was time to get out of the shower- she tells me she can’t get out yet because her knees are not clean- so I go to check on her. I look at her knees, which she displays very prettily- and then I say to her, “That isn’t dirt Raney- those are bruises! You can’t wash them off.” She giggles, turns off the water and steps out.

My kids were talking about the shots they might have to have before school next year. They seem to worry and talk about this often. At least, Raney does. Katherine was earnestly trying to explain to Raney about one of the shots. She kept saying, “Raney- you have done it before, it’s that computer test”.

I was listening and trying to help Katherine along, “Computer test? What kind of shot are you talking about?”

She crinkled up her face like she was trying to find the right words, “Hmmm not computer test, the TV test?” “You know, the blow a bubble on your arm…”

At this point the light bulb went off in my brain, “Oohhh a TB test!”

“Yes!” Katherine agreed loudly.

Very interesting- she knew that TB sounded like TV and TV was a type of electronic thing like a computer…funny thing about our brains…

Parker, Katherine and Raney were having a discussion about milkweed. Raney has loved walking around our neighborhood, and anywhere else she is, blowing the puffballs. Raney was pointing out the ‘dandelions’ on the side of the road. Katherine firmly informed her that they were NOT dandelions they were called something else. Parker quickly jumped in and argued that they WERE dandelions and that Katherine was WRONG. They went back and forth for a while. I thought about intervening- but the idea of trying to get into the mix was rather daunting.

Parker then went on to share the strangest little theory- especially for my information savvy 8 year old.

He said that those were called ‘dead dandelions’ and that when you blew the seeds, they flew off and planted themselves. The next day- you would find more ‘dead dandelions’ wherever the seeds had been landed. He said, “I know this is true because we do it everyday at school”.
WHATEVER! The lengths they will go to be heard….

Let the little Children Come...

2008-03-30T09:21:00.000-07:00

I saw a headline today. It said, “Afghans Sell Daughters to Repay Loans”. Is someone kidding? Unfortunately not.

When you read the article you realize it is not for lack of love that these fathers are selling their daughters…but for the lack of a choice- at least in their own minds. And in some places in this world- women, and children are commodities. Just pieces of silver.

I look at my own precious daughters and I see Todd love them, play with them, giggle and wrestle with them. My heart breaks for those who don’t have a father like that. I think of my own father who used to hold me in front of a mirror and say, “Didn’t God do good?” He hugged me when I didn’t want to be hugged and chased away the monsters from my room.

In so many lives- fathers are the monsters in the room. What do we do with that? How do we reconcile God’s love with the reality of so many broken lives?

The only thing I can hold on to and express to my friends who have past broken bodies and hearts is that in God YOU have value- not as a commodity but as a REASON for sacrifice. Jesus is our HOPE. But for those you have experienced this type of betrayal- hope can be elusive because it has never been experienced.

As little children we are all taught John 3:16: "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” And at first glance- it seems rather basic but do we really understand- that God so loved YOU that he gave his only son?

Young women everywhere need to understand that they are daughters of the King of Kings. That is not something to be taken lightly. His Fatherhood is something God takes very seriously.

John 1:12-13
Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.

I love those verses- because God understood the culture he was speaking into and realized that children were at the whims of sinful men. He wanted us to all understand that HE CLAIMS US! Not because of anything we do but because he loves us. God has a plan for each one of us even in the midst of extreme suffering. He desires the truth laid out in the Bible to surround and comfort you. When I used to be scared in the middle of the night- I used to repeat memory verses I had learned. I encourage my children to do the same. Or sing praise songs- you see, even as loving parents, Todd and I cannot chase away all my children’s fears.

People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Mark 9:13-14

We just talked about this passage in our small group the other night. The phrase that our leader brought to our attention was that Jesus was indignant! He felt offense that His disciples were trying to keep the children away from Him. He placed value on the children and raised them up in the eyes of those around him. I can just picture a few children who had no understanding of love or value at home- clinging to Jesus’ robes. I see him putting his hands gently on their backs, bowing his head over them. He was a refuge. There are just so many verses in the Bible about God being our refuge. I encourage you to do a word study of them if you struggle with shadows in the night.
Remember. You are precious children. Daughters and Sons of a King.

2008-03-12T12:58:00.000-07:00

mi jtyih ih ti ihi ihiu tti
jj hj hjn
m mb nmn mnmg nn n mng mgmgnnhmggmn

*so sorry to everyone....my daughter Raney decided she wanted to be a writer without me knowing!*

Journey with Julie

2008-03-06T07:46:00.000-08:00

Thursday morning...much like other mornings. Getting kids ready for school, breakfast, coffee, checking in with Todd before he leaves and then getting Raney ready for her preschool. She and I started off...and then the flashing lights behind me caught my attention.

"Oh no...here we go again" I thought to myself.

You see, I am driving around with expired license plate tags....Yes, I can hear the gasps all around. I could share the multiple reasons why- but then you would be as bored as the police officer who stopped me. This is my 3rd time stopped for this same reason. So...I decide to take matters into my own hands rather than waiting on Todd to do it. Obviously that is just not working out for me.

I drop Raney off at her school, call my best friend in Alabama to vent my frustrations and pump myself up to go hang out at the DMV. I take my number just like everyone else, watch the myriad of people go up to the counters, and I wait patiently for A10 to be served. I spend my time trying to guess which window will I get to go to.

And then...my number is called! I go up to the window, give him all the required information and find out....I am not Todd Phillips- just the wife....who is not on the title for the car that is driven by the wife- at all times. So....I cannot renew the license plate registration. I chuckle to myself...walk out dialing my best friend in Alabama again to talk about how frustrating it is to try and get things done but unable to because nothing is in our name...except for the birth of our precious, painful at the time, children.

I get off the phone to treat myself to coffee....whooo hoooo! Dunkin Donuts here I come. I walk up and see a paper sign "Cash only Today". Criminy! No cash in this purse- just plastic. I cannot believe it- thwarted again!

So I call my friend (hopefully for the last time today) and she jokingly says, "What, they didn't allow you to buy coffee?" And I tell her what the sign said- she burst into laughter and I just had to join in. I mean, what else can you do?

And of course, all the while my radio is playing a song "There is a God" by 33 Miles. I think to myself Romans 8:31 "What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?"

And I laugh because the joy of the Lord is my strength- even in the monotony of meaningless trials...and I smile because through the meaningless trials, I am reminded of God's promises and his gift of life to me.

Raney, Sin and Parker

2008-02-22T01:00:00.000-08:00

*Note* Some of the stories, from my previous blogs might be repeated as I update and write new blogs for Frontline Roundtable, which is a blog for our church (http://blogs.frontlinedc.com/)

My two daughters play together like angels and fight like the devil. One day after one of their fights I asked Raney why were they fighting? She informed me that she and Katherine did not like one another that day.

I asked what she thought God would say to that. She eagerly responded, "I don't know- what would He say- tell me!"

I told her that God gave them to one another and He doesn't like it when we are not kind to each other. God wants them to be friends and to be sweet with one another and that it hurts his Heart when we hurt one another.

To which Raney angrily replied, "Ahhgg, Stop telling God stuff! Don't tell Him what I am doing!"

I hated to inform her that God was already quite aware of what was going on in our house....

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:29-32

Sometimes we feel the same way. We hope that God doesn’t really ‘see’ what we are doing. And yet, most of us know that God sees our hearts and knows the thoughts we are thinking though we do not speak or act on them. He knows us. That realization is comforting and rather frightening at the same time.

My son Parker is learning to confess his sins, he is relying much on the fact that God knows everything about him. He thinks that he shouldn’t have to tell God since he cannot remember all of the sin and God is all knowing anyway. Parker is also trying to work a deal with me that once a week should about cover it, that way he can store up the sins before confessing them. However, we all need to come face to face with our sins, calling them by name so we understand the depravity of our sinful nature and how it grieves God when we choose to sin.

"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives." 1 John 1:8-10

Yes, God knows when we sin. But, He desires us to know as well. As I told Parker, maybe the more he confessed his sins to God and asked for forgiveness, the more he (Parker) would understand what actions grieve God. The same is true for us as well.

We all need to realize the things in our lives that come between us and God, we need to confess, and then we need to repent- turning back to God and His desires for us…. because we love God too much to keep doing what we were doing.

"Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God." 2 Corinthians 7:1

Friday Night Lights

2008-02-18T14:06:00.000-08:00

This is a purely selfish blog...one of my favorite shows may go off the air and just when I became a faithful viewer!

If you have any feelings regarding Friday Night Lights...go to this website: http://www.savefridaynightlights.tv/

I have to say, I am encouraged. When I signed the petition- I was seven hundred and something but now they are up to 8,000!

blessings,

julie

Gender Gaps

2008-02-12T07:26:00.000-08:00

My young son was walking up the stairs talking to one of his friends. I could hear their conversation clearly and though I wasn’t eavesdropping, I don’t think Parker would have appreciated knowing that I was listening.

“How do you get to have more phone calls to her cell phone?” asked Parker’s friend Matthew.

“If I am nice to her and do what she says I can earn more phone calls, “ Parker replied.

Are you kidding me? Parker is trying to EARN the ability to make phone calls to a girl?

I didn’t confront him at that time but the thought of my eight-year-old son being manipulated really frustrated me.Parker is discovering girls. And he is enjoying the discovery very much. As parents, it is hard to stand by and not do anything to stop the journey. I am realizing that the many hang-ups we receive are little girls calling. Star 69 and caller ID are such wonderful inventions.

Parker still likes to use the standard elementary party line that ‘he doesn’t like girls’ but Todd and I watch him get wrapped around the axle regarding a few of the girls in his class, not knowing what to do with all the feelings he has especially because the girls are interfering with his other boy relationships. The girls are dividing the boys and inserting themselves into their business. Todd would definitely say that I still do this and it is not regulated to just 3rd grade girls!

I have to tell you that I have been surprised by how aggressive the young girls can be. I have heard the same thing from my other Christian friends with sons in high school. Boys don’t have to work very hard to get what they want…the girls are making themselves available- manipulating situations, parents, rules, and the boys themselves to be in control. They are offering themselves- wholeheartedly- and our young men find it very hard to always be the one to say ‘no’.

In my opinion these characteristics are prime examples of what is going wrong with leadership in the church and home. Boys are failing to become the leaders that they were intended to be because women who do not allow them to lead surround them.

Uh, oh…I can already hear many of you freaking out.

Women do not have to push overs, allowing men to walk all over them- but we do need to learn to step back sometimes. I would use the term ‘stand down’ allowing for the men in our lives to ‘stand up’.

While doing a Beth Moore bible study years ago, I came across a scripture that has stayed with me. Acts 13:49-50:
"The word of the Lord spread through the whole region. But the Jews incited the God-fearing women of high standing and the leading men of the city. They stirred up persecution against Paul and Barnabas, and expelled them from their region."

You see, when the Jews wanted to get Paul and Barnabas out of town- they not only went to the male leaders- but also to the women. Women have influence and can be the cause of stirring up things that are not of God. So can men…but….

After talking to Todd about this whole issue, I understand I don’t have all the answers. I desire to raise my daughters to be strong, independent women after God’s own heart. I want them to wait until the phone rings, I want them to demand respect, courtesy and Godly leadership from the men they meet, and I think that is easier to accomplish in this day and age than for Todd and I to raise our son to be the leader God desires him to be. We fear that if he never has to put forth effort- then where will his passion come from?

I don’t want to have the gender relationships regress to women becoming property of no value- but I desire there to be more balance in our culture. And if our culture refuses to change, then our churches still need to.

I completely understand that many of the young girls are just looking for some type of affirmation because many of them come from homes without male influence, leadership or even presence.

So, where do we stop the cycle? How? Why? Why do women make up most of the volunteer base in most churches? Why do so many women attend church by themselves or with just their children? Why is there a vacuum of Godly Christian male leadership?Any ideas?

God's Touchdowns

2008-02-09T22:00:00.000-08:00

I got out of the shower and heard my children fighting in the distance. But, rather than facing being the arbitrator in one more ridiculous argument, I turned on the blow dryer to drown out their sounds. My thoughts were repetitive: "Why me?" "Why can't they just get along for more than thirty minute increments?" "I just want them to be quiet!" and the always-effective silent scream in my head, "AGGHHH!"

Suffering. You might think that I don't know what true suffering actually is...and you might even be right. However, we all experience different types of sufferings in various seasons of life. For a stay at home mother- I can tell you- these kinds of days are truly days of suffering. They are the kind of days that give feet to the song, "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to".

Recently, in my studies of the Gospel of John as well as Nancy Guthrie’s One Year Book of Hope, I have come to the understanding that it is okay to sit down and weep, to cry out, to have a pity party...as long it is for a short time. Jesus is present even in those seemingly senseless times of pain.

He is Savior, Lord, and Messiah. But, He is also Friend, Father, the Good Shepherd and the Great High Priest.

I was watching one of my very favorite TV shows, Friday Night Lights. One of the star players had his hopes dashed regarding his future college plans. His wonderful mother came in and offered one of those phrases that seem rather trite but are stuffed full of truth. She said, "I know Whitmore wasn't your dream, but when a door closes, God opens a window. He don't ever fumble the ball-He always gets a touchdown- that is God's plan". And I thought, "Wow... that is so true."

Sorrow. Grief. Suffering. The ending of dreams, the realization that fantasy doesn't match reality, and the experience of weeping by yourself when no one is around- But God's plan and His sovereignty reigns.

Jesus, even knowing what was going to happen with Lazarus still understood loss and comforted the people in their sorrow and yet pointed them to the truth found in Him.

John 11
33When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. 34"Where have you laid him?" he asked. "Come and see, Lord," they replied. 35Jesus wept. 40Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?" 41So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, "Father, I thank you that you have heard me. 42I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me."

God's touchdown. It may not come about in a play you recognize, understand or even appreciate at the time...but He still comes. He comes to wrap His arms around you, sharing in your sorrow and guiding you to His truth.

During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered
Hebrews 5:7-8

Jesus gave us an example...we can learn obedience in the midst of suffering. Following and hearing God with reverent submission.

My favorite truth of sorrow or suffering is the gift of the Holy Spirit. Guthrie says, "The Holy Spirit is God loving you up close, drawing near to you, living inside you...He brings conviction of sin, but he also brings comfort in distress" (One Year Book of Hope, pg. 25). And when you cannot pray due to numbness, frustration, grief, or heartache- the Holy Spirit is there to intercede for you:
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. Romans 8:26-27.

Sometimes you might even be expressing "trust more out of a desire to trust than a confession of the reality of {your} souls" (One Year Book of Hope, pg. 29).

Thoughts?

2008-01-24T09:34:00.000-08:00

There is a saying in life ‘that too much of anything is never a good thing’. I would tend to agree with that quote in all things except in regards to Jesus.

Jesus himself says in John 10:10, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.”

Todd always loves to point out in his sermons that having life more abundant in Christ doesn’t always mean just the good things. Living more abundant in Christ, possessing more of Jesus, allowing God to seep into all parts, and letting the Holy Spirit indwell every aspect of your life is not always easy…and the result is not always smooth.

We visited with some friends of ours recently and they told us their family’s theme of the year was going to be ‘wisdom’. Todd and I thought that was pretty cool. I left them thinking about what our family’s them might be. Todd and I haven’t talked about this directly, but at the end of this past year what was becoming clear to he and I was the idea of ‘more of Jesus’. That is what we put in our Christmas card not just as a trite sentiment but because that is truly what we wished for those we cared about. We wanted 2008 to be a year that they saw more of Jesus in their own life…no matter what that looked like.

I reviewed my blog on satisfaction (http://juliegphillips.blogspot.com/2007/11/satisfaction.html) and realized that God was working, even then, on making this concept clear in my life. And as with most truths that God reveals to me, I have to process them for a while before I can truly claim them for my own life. Why? Well, because my Christian experience has taught me that nothing from God is cheap. We see that especially in the cost that Jesus paid for our lives. There is a cost in truly following God and one should always be willing to pay the price before stepping out in faith.

I don’t mean to sound negative because the rewards are great. God’s peace and God’s joy is worth anything…truly! And…we know, that we know, that we know- that God will always catch us. But…there might be a time of falling. And a time of struggle.

Todd, Parker and I were watching the 3rd Indiana Jones movie and at the end he has to step out into the abyss in faith…and as you know- there appears a walkway, seemingly in the midst of thin air. But there is a short time of falling before the walkway appears.

More of Jesus…more faith, more willingness to face trials, more opportunity to fall, and more opportunity for your faith to mature and be strengthened in the understanding of ultimate dependence on God.

John 15 and 16 are so very powerful. Jesus begins chapter 15 with the example of the vine and the branches and how important it is to stay tied to the vine, Jesus and His word, to gain sustenance. He goes on in chapter 16 to express why…because the disciples were going to face many trials after Jesus’ death- including grief and sorrow. There is a lot of truth and promises revealed in both of these chapters but one of the most powerful statements occurs in the very last verse of Chapter 16:

33"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

And that is what we hold onto…that is what gives us hope- the knowledge that Jesus has overcome the world and all that is in it. The victory is already won…so we can safely pursue more of Jesus, even knowing we might have a time of free fall, because in HIM we find peace…and ultimately victory.

But…apart from Him we can do nothing (John 15:5 I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.”)

Are you ready to have more of Jesus…More trials, more learning, more conviction, more sorrow, more fruit, more peace, more joy, and more victory?

All I can tell you is that for me…it is a daily struggle…and right now I am holding on to the verse in John 16:33 to take heart! He has overcome….

My submission

2008-01-21T12:35:00.000-08:00

I have been quiet over the past few weeks for many reasons. The cold air seems to bring my spirits down, my grandmother's passing still resonates in my soul, and just getting back into the swing of things after the holidays leaves my brain rather numb.

However, after listening to Todd's sermon from Sunday night, I felt the need to speak. Todd did a wonderful job addressing a difficult passage in Colossians. I listened live online and enjoyed, agreed with, and laughed with him as he spoke. But...I felt he gave me way too much credit regarding submission to my husband. You can listen to it as well at www.frontlinedc.org.

Todd was correct in his description of how we work together in our marriage- that we both do not see submission as direct obedience but as the voluntary surrendering of my will at those difficult times when we have not agreed. One of the reasons I fell in love with Todd was that he was unafraid of my strong personality or my strong opinions. He relished discussions and I never ever felt I had to deny who I was to be around him. His will, his security and his relationship with Christ was strong enough to allow me to be who I was. To say that I was always Godly or biblical in my expression would be incorrect, but Todd has most always allowed me leeway and allowed God to be my teacher except in some direct situations where he pointed out false thinking or ungodly action. Most of the time this has been in regards to gossip or speaking badly about someone.

I wanted to speak out about submission because in those instances where I submitted to Todd's leadership- it was not always easy for me. There were times where I held resentment in my heart and though I didn't express superiority to Todd- I felt it in my heart. I confess this to you all so that you know that you are not alone if you struggle with submission. However, I do not regard my response as one that God honors.

I too, see those times as growth for Todd, but I wanted you all to understand they were also times of growth for me. Those times were used to shape me to understand and trust the sovereignity of God. Those times were used to bring me face to face with my own issues of pride. Those times were used to break me, and mold me. I learned that in being 'one' with my husband- that also includes suffering with Him. I was taught how to uplift him, and how to esteem Todd up through learning how to pray through my resentment, allowing the Spirit of God to shatter my superior feelings and reminding me that I am also a person with much sin that has to be forgiven.

Realizing that God knew the innermost parts of my heart was humbling. Understanding that any issues we might have been having as couple might have been because of my own actions was eye opening.

I still see the strengths I bring to our marriage partnership. But, as most of all us know, many of our strengths have an underside to them- a weakness, if not kept in check with the truth of God.

God has an amazing purpose for marriage- and for leadership and submission. And it requires both the husband AND wife to belong to Jesus first. To be seeking Him in all things- to remaining tied to the vine of Christ on a daily basis and to voluntarily surrender your will to that of God. There might be times when you as a wife, have to submit to your husband, and it might be a challenge. But, I pray that you all are able to do it with more grace and obedience to God that I was able to do at times.

Blessings,

Julie

Be thou Near to Me

2008-01-05T08:43:00.000-08:00

http://www.dizzler.com/music/Jim_Brickman/Be_Thou_Near_To_Me

BE THOU NEAR TO ME

O, Lord I come with heart here open

For in my hour of darkness, I may be

Seeking the joy unspoken

O Lord, be thou near to me

And the holy voices sing hallelu

Ever will thy reign be

As I wander through this life,

O Lord, Be thou near to me

Though in this burden of my making,

Yet in the shadows still a light I see

Maker, whose love is not forsaken,

O Lord, be thou near to me

And the holy voices sing hallelu

Ever will thy reign be

As I wander through this life,

O Lord, Be thou near to me

I gave my mother a Greatest Hymns CD from Selah for Christmas. This song is on it. I can't express the feelings of peace I felt as I listened to it while driving around in Texas. Though there seemed to dark clouds- as I listened to this song and the truths expressed- there was a break in the clouds and I heard the voice of God...

There is a reality to our lives...and we all come face to face with it at various times. Our life will have pain...and suffering...and joy...and peace.

Grief is like being dropped off a cliff. It is like you are walking along and then all of the sudden you are down, down, down...and all the faces peering over the edge seem so very far away. It can surprise you and overcome the sunniest day.

And yet...there is peace. Peace because God reigns- His reign is forever and He is near.

Psalm 146:1-2;10
Praise the LORD. Praise the LORD, O my soul. I will praise the LORD all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live. The LORD reigns forever, your God, O Zion, for all generations. Praise the LORD.

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you...James 4:8a

And as you realize the truths of God- you step away from your darkness, from your wandering and from your grief...and you understand that the gift we have been given is for today. That though God is forever and the beginning and the end- we are to live today for Him. That is all I can do. I can get up today and get out of bed and live for God. I can draw near to him and allow Him to draw near to me. I can open myself up to His guidance today. Tomorrow is not here yet and worries or fears or anticipation will do no good.

We listen to some children's songs by Steve Green. They are scriptures set to music. One of the songs is Proverbs 18:24 "A man of too many friends comes to ruin,But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." And in the song it jokingly says, "A friend who stinks?" and then goes on to correct that with the right words.

One day recently, Raney was going around and repeating herself (which she does quite often) and she was repeating this song, dancing around and singing to herself, "There is a friend, There is a friend, a friend that sticks, a friend that stinks? No! A friend that sticks...closer than a brother!"

Again and again I heard her sing. What a gift! We have a friend in Jesus and He sticks to us like glue...

So again...while I sit with eyes closed and hands open on my lap...from the song I sing in my heart

O, Lord I come with heart here open
For in my hour of darkness, I may be
Seeking the joy unspoken
O Lord, be thou near to me

So if you are in the darkness, or wandering around in the wildnerness- sit and and allow God to be near to you...

Shh....

2007-12-20T23:32:00.000-08:00

Shh....Can you hear it?
Christmas is coming...
Take a moment and Remember?

The sounds of Christmas- what do they sound like to you?

I hear the verse in Psalms about being still and knowing He is God...He will be exalted.

Shh....Can you hear it?

There's a reason for hope...a promise for peace.

Close your eyes...slow down...and open them again.

Stand up and praise the LORD your God, who is from everlasting to everlasting. "Blessed be your glorious name, and may it be exalted above all blessing and praise. You alone are the LORD. You made the heavens, even the highest heavens, and all their starry host, the earth and all that is on it, the seas and all that is in them. You give life to everything, and the multitudes of heaven worship you. Nehemiah 9:5-6

Our family has been in Texas spending time with my family after the death of my grandmother. One of the things we had the opportunity to do was to go to a small town outside of Austin and visit "Bethlehem". A whole city block was remade into a mini walled city- complete with animals, characters, shops and other buildings. My children met a shepherd who was trying to find a child, they almost got run over by Roman soldiers as they dragged people to jail because they couldn't pay their taxes, they saw how ropes were made, and visited a carpenter making shepherd staffs. We saw an Inn and Parker asked the innkeeper if there was any more room, but sadly there was none. He invited us in to see for ourselves and we saw the little rooms upstairs that would hold 10-11 people. And in the bustle of the crowd, and the noise of the characters and those of us visiting...there was a reverence.

Can you hear it? The sound of twinkling stars, silent nights, and animals? As we came out of the top of the Inn and headed down some stars- we saw a bright star shining.

And around the corner- there was the re-enactment of the Mary, Joseph and Baby Jesus. They were back in a cave...and all was quiet.

So profound.

Matthew 1:22-23
All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet:"The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel"- which means, "God with us."

"God with us". He is with us, all around us, moving in us, working through us; with us! Wow!

Raney Grace is still trying to work through the death of our Grana. Last night she came to my mother and asked, "So, Grana is in Heaven with God, right?" My mother replied, "yes, that's right Raney." Then Raney went on to her conclusion, which seemed to make things right inside her brain...."So....that means Jesus is babysitting all of us still left here on earth."

Praise God for being with us in Heaven and on Earth, Thank you God for your precious son Jesus- whose birth and death changed our options forever...and thank you for 'babysitting' us.

May Jesus, his birth and all that it means, resonate in our lives this Season and throughout the year.

Shhh...can you hear it? Can you hear Him?

My Grana

2007-12-07T10:21:00.000-08:00

My Grana. August 11,1933- December 6, 2007.

My grandmother was only 39 when I was born...I was her first grandchild. Her presence in my life was such a constant throughout my years. I am very close to my mother and consider her one of my best friends...Grana was an extension of that relationship and I loved it every time the three of us were together. One of my favorite examples of this relationship between the three of us was when I was in college and my boyfriend and I broke up. My mother and grandmother got in the car and traveled to my apartment in Waco, Texas. They spent time with me so I wouldn't have to be alone and we went shopping...and laughed. They came just for the day...just for me.

Some of my memories:

Going to her house and sleeping in the same bed with her all my young life until she remarried. She had satin pillow cases and the softest pillows. I remember counting to 100 for the first lying in her bed and I remember being rather put out after she married Herb and I didn't get to sleep with her any longer.

I remember spending the night with her on Friday nights and we would have pizza and ice cream...and then we would get up on Saturday and clean her house since Saturday mornings were for cleaning.

I remember her staying with us when my parents were out of town. My brother Greg took her dentures so we could see her without her teeth. She chased him around trying to get her teeth- laughing the whole time.

I remember her going out dancing...and me being so proud I had this 'happening' Grandmother.

Heading to church each Sunday and knowing that one of would get to sit next to Grana was so very special. I can still hear her voice singing...and picture sharing the hymnal with her.

Later on- I spent the weekend with her after I was married and visited her church in Taylor with her. It was so much fun to share time with her friends, going to her Sunday School class. The ladies and the men would split up after large group...the Sunday I happened to be visiting- the subject in the Marriage and Family Series was Sex. Grana and I got such a kick out me going to my grandmother's class to talk about Sex...it was rather interesting!

Grana was always available to me. She was willing to talk about anything...and always shared her wisdom with me. But...she was also willing to learn from me as well. I just loved her.

I am so lucky to have spent time with her. I am so blessed to have shared spiritual things with her. I am so inspired by her continual faith and perseverance in the midst of the many trials she went through.

Her first husband dropped dead of a heart attack when my mother was a Senior in High school, her father died and then her twin sister died a painful death of cancer all before she was 40.

Her life was not easy...and it was not perfect...but she looked to the cross of Christ and her Savior Jesus to carry her through and to provide meaning to her life.

In these last few months she spent time looking back...and her only regret was that she didn't share Jesus enough- even though there are many who will tell you that they know Jesus more because of her words, her love, and her example.

Grana's light is not gone even though she is no longer with us. Her light has just spread out through the lives she touched shining brighter and sharing the light given to her through Jesus.

A verse from Proverbs 3 was part of one of my recent daily devotions. I ended up reading the whole chapter and could hear Grana saying those words to me. I recommend reading it when you have a chance.

And Grana...way up in Heaven- I am so glad you are with your Father in Heaven, having a party with all of those you loved and who loved you.

I will miss you. xoxo Julie

Sleep Tight

2007-12-05T10:55:00.000-08:00

The 'going to bed' process at our house can take a while. Most of the time, I am just trying to 'get er done' because I am tired and have been with my children for a while. I like to read them books for many reasons two of which are that I love books and it also cuts down on their talking time. We tend to have to limit Parker's questions to two...otherwise, we would be there all night.

Todd uses the time to spend moments with our children that they love. They get to have 'conversations' with dad.

The other night...I just had to mute the TV so I could listen. I heard Todd go into Raney's room and I heard him ask her, "What do you want to talk about?"

She answered, "Jesus!"

I could hear the smile in Todd's voice as he told her that he loves to talk about Jesus. Their conversation consisted of what Jesus did on the cross and why, and how God can save her from her scary dreams and other such stuff.

Then Todd went into Katherine's room. Katherine wanted to talk about Grana (my grandmother who is slowly leaving this world) and heaven. Katherine wanted to know about heaven and how Grana knew she was going and what would it be like. Grana has been longing to join her family in Heaven...even as those of us left here still grieve her absence of mind if not her body. Her prescence is already missed. And Katherine is trying to figure it all out.

Parker was last. Now, Parker likes to have long drawn out conversations. Sometimes it is because he wants bedtime to not come but other times it is just because he is so very curious. Parker wanted to hear about mountain climbing and different mountains that Todd knows about.

And then...I heard this song on the radio. Joseph's lullaby by Mercy Me. A video of the song is below:

It is such a sweet song...and as I listened to the words and sentiment expressed, I pictured my children's sweet faces...and I thought about Joseph and Mary watching the baby Jesus sleeping.

And I thought about God watching over all his children as we sleep.

And I as I sit here crying...I picture our Father in Heaven watching over my grandmother sleeping...and slipping to join Him in Heaven.

Sleep tight Grana.

Satisfaction

2007-11-19T07:38:00.000-08:00

When you hear the word 'satisfy' or 'satisfaction' do you think of the Rolling Stones? I immediately start hearing the song in my head and seeing Mick Jagger's distorted image in my head...and yet the song is about NOT finding satisfaction...on many levels.

In my small group, we were discussing the feeding of the 5000. And my leader pointed out something that has resonated with me over the weeks and caused me to see words in worship songs and scriptures in a new light.

It says in Matthew 14 verse 20, "and they all ate and were satisfied. They picked up what was left over of the broken pieces, twelve full baskets."

They all ate and were satisfied...

The word satisfied indicates- they had no more need. They were not just full, which can be uncomfortable, they were satisfied or content.

A definition of satisfy is- to fulfill the desires, expectations, needs, or demands of (a person, the mind, etc.); give full contentment to: to put an end to (a desire, want, need, etc.) by sufficient or ample provision

That is what Christ brings to us. HE brings satisfaction- resting in His grace and His truth can meet all our needs. Jesus' desire is to satisfy our needs...and most of us don't let Him because we are too busy trying to stuff other things into our lives.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
Matthew 5:6

Are you satisfied in your relationship with Christ? Are you allowing Him to satisfy you? Or are you trying to fill your life with things that leave you feeling empty and wanting more. I truly believe, even though I don't always find it easy to do, that finding our joy, our contentment, our satisfaction can only be found in Christ. Thirsting after him, pursuing righteousness, seeking His face each morning is the only way to be satisfied. He came that we might have life...and life MORE abundant!

Psalm 63:1-8
1 O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.

2 I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.

3 Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.

4 I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.

5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

6 On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.

7 Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.

8 My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me

Are you taking advantage of the gift that God earnestly desires you to have? Satisfaction, contentment, ultimate fulfillment. As we move towards Thanksgiving and usually eating to discomfort...think on satisfaction and your relationship with Christ. What are some ways you you find more satisfaction spiritually? Even if it is just looking at the world through different lenses.

Isaiah 58:11
The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.

Waiting

2007-11-09T05:37:00.000-08:00

I read something today that struck me as rather profound. It was a different way of looking at something very common.

"Biblically, waiting on the Lord is never passive; it is always active."
Experiencing God Day by Day Devotional

Waiting.

Waiting on the Lord to renew our strength.

Waiting on the Lord to reveal His will.

Waiting on the Lord to intervene.

Waiting on the Lord to come again.

All of waiting requires the action of faith- believing that God will do what He says He will do. It requires the action of being patient. Which is kind of an oxymoron but any of us who have tried to be patient understand how much action it takes! Waiting requires us to trust- actively in the Word and promises of God.

Waiting on the Lord. It also asks us pursue God wholeheartedly- running towards Him with everything we are- even when running towards Him requires us to just be still.

I am not very good at waiting. In fact, I am rather bad at the whole deal. When I was younger- I would stay up all night on Christmas Eve just because of the anticipation of Christmas morning. Not because of Santa or the gifts- but because of the magic of Christmas morning. I stayed up because I couldn't sleep...I just couldn't relax enough to settle in and sleep. Therefore, on Christmas morning I crashed around 10am usually. I would be completely exhausted, irritable, and unpleasant to be around so my mother would send me to my room.

That is what happens when we don't utilize the waiting periods for God. We become anxious, irritable, exhausted, and overwhelmed with fear, thoughts, and anticipation that accompanies the waiting game.

But...that is not God's plan. God desires us to take advantage of the waiting period for preparation. Removing all distractions, obstacles, and anything else that gets in the way of us being able to see Him clearly when He decides to act.

Psalm 37:3-8; 34a
3Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:

6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.

8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil.

34 Wait for the LORD
and keep his way.

This is a PS- I post on Myspace as well and this is from a reader and I thought I would share...
Thank you! I once had a teacher share with me that the original word for "wait" in the Isaiah 40:31 verse means something like "to cleave" to the Lord... to actively "hope in" and embrace Him, cleave to His very being and essence... a very active "embracing" kind of waiting... thank you for sharing this today... once again... you are right on time. God's blessings! Posted by Jenny

Consequences

2007-11-06T04:54:00.000-08:00

People that say that they have no regrets in life are lying. We all have regrets...it is just since we can't do anything to change the past- we must comfort ourselves in anyway possible. It is a very human reaction to a very human problem. Many regrets are caused by sin and the choices we make or fail to make.

Consequences. Cause and effect. These are the difficult concepts to teach children. Some children get them with just being told about them...others have to experience the joy, the pain, and all the emotions in between.

Jesus came so that we might be saved from a life of death, a life with no purpose, a life with no hope and a life without unconditional love. Jesus came to bring life- abundant life. He takes away the sting of death...but many times the consequences of our sins will still sting.

There are sins and choices that cause wounds...and they heal. And we are forgiven. We move on and then the scab is ripped off and there is more pain and a deeper sting. And we must come to the cross of Jesus again. Broken, at the feet of Jesus.

This past Sunday and Monday I watched my husband willingly allow himself up to having a wound ripped open up again. Many of you were there and if you weren't you can listen to his sermon on www.frontlinedc.org.

Though he and I had talked about him sharing his past pain- the reality has hit harder in some ways. It wasn't a done deal that Todd was going to share his own experience. Todd doesn't share things of his past to glorify or make light of the choices he made. It can be a hard balance to strike- Todd doesn't ever want people to make bad decisions thinking, "Todd turned out alright." Todd doesn't' want others to go through the pain that much of his past caused.

God had taken much of the pain of this particular choice away many years ago after Todd surrendered his life to Jesus. But...we hadn't realized that with maturity in Christ- there is a deeper understanding of what he did. And having our own children has made it more real. His parents and my parents heard for the first time while listening to the sermon and Todd had to talk to his mother. He hurt that he hurt her.

We are not alone in our choices or sin- it can affect so many others.

Todd doesn't question the forgiveness, or the grace that God has given him. But, there is always the earthly reality of the choices we make that we have to face. Consequences. Painful, heart wrenching consequences.

My husband came home last night after Arlington completely exhausted and emotionally spent. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him. And I realized I wasn't the only one hugging him- Jesus was right there with us comforting Todd, carrying his burden with him.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matt. 11:28

For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.
So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 2 Corinthians 5:14-17

Cantankerous Bath

2007-10-25T07:08:00.000-07:00

If my life was a school house rock video (does that date me?), it would be kinda funny right now. It would have some little catchy ditty being sung in the background with a little girl diving into a bath of bubbles- bathing suit on- and as the bubbles floated into the air, they would pop and the word 'cantankerous' would pop out of each bubble. And the girl would be playing in the bath with all the cantankerous bubbles, getting more and more cantankerous because she refuses to get out of the bath.

Do you get the picture? I am cantankerous this week. I could blame it on the weather, on my schedule, on my kids, on pretty much anything- but that wouldn't be completely true. Because it is coming from inside. And I am choosing to revel in my cantankerous nature. I could let it go, but I don't want to. Nothing fits here like a good sticking out the tongue at life.

I am homesick for Texas- it happens every year as the leaves start to change. Something that is so beautiful to many- heralds the advent of snow- ehhh! and cold weather- ayahhh! and layers of clothes- bleh! I was just home for a wedding this past weekend and I was sad to leave.

My grandmother is fading. She is, and has always been, such a presence in my life. My mother called me this week and she is moving my grandmother from the nursing home to her house. I long to be there and sit by my grandmother- and laugh with she and my mother. There is something precious about generations of women.

My son. Oh, how I love him. But, his attitude STINKS! He is finding church and anything of God to be something he doesn't want to do. He is rude to those around him, and Todd and I struggle to get through to him. He really doesn't get how close he is to being completely sequestered so he can realize what is truly important- and it is NOT Halloween, Guitar Hero, watching questionable shows, or playing with his friends.

I sleep and dream of beaches, the ocean sounds, and peace. I wake up to chaos, and complaining kids, and making sure backpacks are filled. Todd asks me, "Why are you frustrated?" and I answer, "I am not frustrated, just grumpy."

I take on stress that isn't my own- asking Todd, "How do you deal with such and such? How come this doesn't frustrate you? Am I crazy? And he says to pray. PRAY! Can you believe he can be so insensitive???

And yet....I hear the truth in his words. Because I know all these external frustrations are just external. And God's peace starts within. I hate it when I come to a place in my life and have to re-adjust....AGAIN. So, I start trying to go back through my week and hear God in the midst.

Flying home and sitting next to a man from Nigeria and talking about how every small drop in the bucket is worth it for Africa. Because, if you have lots of drops- ultimately- at some point the bucket will overflow.

Seeing my son cheer on one of his baseball teammates that usually drives him nuts. While the rest of his team wrestled on the bench, Parker was at the fence encouraging Brady.

Having Raney refuse a special treat unless I bought one for Katherine and Parker.

Having Sweetie the cat curl up beside me and purr.

Going to brunch with a special woman and hearing her own struggles with her son- who is someone we totally admire. It keeps things in perspective and allows me to hope.

Having Katherine's teacher tell us there are no worries, no concerns, that Katherine is doing exceptional at school and is a pleasure teach.

Thinking about my Grandmother laughing with my mother over America's Funniest Home videos. The memory and thought of her laughter carries me.

Arriving home and driving straight to Frontline from the airport and getting there just in time to hear Todd talk about our relationship and how 'profound' our marriage is. Warm fuzzies all around.

Hearing Steven Curtis Chapman's song about wanting to "make much of you Jesus" and thinking how true, how inspiring, and such a good reminder.

And like I am trying to teach Parker- I am needing to realize myself. The only things that last are what we do for God- and everything we do, should be for HIS glory. Focusing only on the eternal and not getting lost in what is temporary. Getting out of the cantankerous bath- and going on about my day, being of good cheer, rather than diving in and playing with cantankerous bubbles.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Some Simpsons to Admire

2007-10-18T05:16:00.000-07:00

My son's friends love The Simpson's. However, Parker is not allowed to watch them. This causes frustration, repeated questions, and some whining. But, I refuse to allow my son watch people who are so dysfunctional with the children being smarter than the parents and Bart pretty much getting to do exactly what he wants. Something that is funny to grown-ups, teaches disrespect and false ideas to children. So, unlike many in America, we do not admire the Simpson's on TV.

Many years ago when Jessica Simpson and her family first started on TV. I loved watching the foibles and hilarious things that happened in the family. I loved hearing how she first started her career and her connections to Texas. However, over time, I recognized the Spiritual immaturity of her family and though I hate to make any judgements- I question many of the decisions they have made over the years- holding Joe Simpson- the father- most responsible. Not only was he a former minister- but he was also the spiritual head of the home- and therefore is held to a higher account. So, I find it hard to admire these Simpsons.

And...don't even get me started on the OJ thing.

But, in the midst of these high flying family of Simpsons, there is a family in Texas that is named Simpson. Mark, Stacie and their young daughter Bai. They are a family I deeply admire and feel for right now. About 2 years ago the young wife, Stacie, was diagnosed with brain cancer. Many miraculous things occurred and after surgery- it seemed that they got most of the tumor. In the midst of this young family dealing with cancer, Mark's father unexpectedly died.

And then Stacie's brain cancer came back, AND she found out that her mother had cancer- and it was spreading. So, Mark and Stacie started chemotherapy for Stacie- and anyone who has been through chemo or had a loved one go through it- knows how difficult it can be. Stacie's mother kept seeing doctors and yet God had different plans for her.

Yesterday she passed away.

So many things to endure in such a short time.

This Simpson family has continued to have strong faith in the midst of so many trials. Mark is continuing to seek and grow spiritually, trying to provide financially and hold it together emotionally. Bai, their young daughter, has been faced with so much loss at a young age- and yet, she is loved. That in itself is such a gift. And Stacie. Wanting to fight the cancer, wanting to be with her family, having to be strong for her dying mother, and function through the chemotherapy ravaging her body. From one mother to another- she is someone I admire.

Throughout their struggles, we receive updates and emails from Mark. He is constantly turning to the truth in the Bible to deal with each day. He encourages others, he seeks to broaden his understanding of Scripture and his Godly role in his family. He is a rock in the midst of a huge storm. We know he will not be moved or tossed about in spite of all he faces. I cry out for them and ask God why? How can this young family withstand all of this? And yet, Mark sends out scriptures with his emails reminding all of us that God has gone before him, to be strong and courageous, to remember never to forsake God because God has not forsaken you even though you find it hard to understand Gods' timing. He is encouraging us in the midst of his own suffering!

This is from one of Mark's emails:
I was thinking recently about God's sufficient grace especially as it pertains to situations like Stacie's and her mom. I was listening to a friend's sermon about this and wanted to share it with you. Sufficient Grace is the specifically timed infusion of strength by God into a believer during a crisis. It is what allows us to keep going when our own strength has gone. God has given it to Stacie and I several times since Jan 06. He has also given. If you have not had a crisis that shakes you down to core of your faith, you will. When this happens, if you are a believer, God himself will give you the strength you need to make it through. Sometimes it comes at the 11th hour and 59th minute. When it is delayed it is not late. God is never late. His timing is always perfect.
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified...for the Lord your God goes with you, he will never leave you nor forsake you. - Dueteronomy 31:6

That is not to say they don't have their bad days, their days of crying, their days of shouting out to God....but they are weathering their storms. They are truly understanding what it means to hold on only to God.

They are inspirations, they are spiritual giants, they deserve the publicity that America so cheaply pours out. But, most of all they deserve the prayers of their Christian brothers and sisters even as the Heavens are applauding them on a daily basis.

Please pray for them. Pray for healing for Stacie. Pray for them to be financially taken care of. Pray for their young daughter Bai. Pray for Mark to have the strength to be the backbone of his family. Pray for Stacie's dad who has watched his wife die and continues to watch his daughter suffer. And pray for their family as they walk through the coming days in the grieving, yet celebration, of Stacie's mother's death.

This is why we are a family of Christians. To uphold our brothers and sisters and pray for them.

Grieving God

2007-10-16T09:49:00.000-07:00

Todd always finds it a little frightening the way my brain works. I think it is just because he is a man. But, I do understand that I work out a lot of things within so by the time I blurt out something it seems rather...ummmm...'out of the blue'. In this blog...I am going to try and lead you through my train of thought you won't misunderstand the conclusions or results of the blog. Maybe some aspect of the journey will minister to you.

I have been listening to the song "East to West" by Casting Crowns and losing myself in the melody and words. The lyrics can be found here: http://www.elyrics.net/read/c/casting-crowns-lyrics/east-to-west-lyrics.html. The other day while listening, I found myself thinking, "these are super heroes of worship- what kinds of sins can they be singing about?" "Why would they be afraid of God leaving them in their sin?"

I quickly realized the faulty aspect of this thinking- Galatians 6:3-4
If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else. We are never to compare ourselves to others- but only to Christ who desires us to follow his ways (Philippians 2:5-6: Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped,) - so who cares why Casting Crowns wrote the song!

But, I couldn't quite leave that train of thought....it continued in my brain and I started thinking about some things I had heard recently from other believers- classifying their sins in relation to other's sins- when God makes NO distinction. All sin is abhorrent to Him.

And that thought led to the idea that for many of us as believers- we have left old lifestyles and and outward lives of sin- but we all still struggle with sin. The Bible is very clear on this point- Romans 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. None of us are perfect...we all need God's forgiveness on a daily basis.

And then while reading a book, I came across this quote by St. Augustine: What you are must always displease you, if you would attain to that which you are not.

This put my thoughts into perspective for me and brought clarity. We need to relearn, or learn for the first time, to be dissatisfied with the sin in our lives- no matter what it looks like!

Conclusion Alert:
I believe that many of us, as followers of Christ, have forgotten to perceive the seriousness of ALL sin. We do not understand the gravity of gossiping, of lies, of ungodly thoughts, of many sins that have no outward manifestations. And all of this is the sin of pride. Do you need to reread that again?

I think the main sin we, as faithful Christians, struggle with is Pride. We struggle to grasp that all sin grieves our Lord, all the while patting ourselves on the back that we are 'not like so and so".

We wave away the 'little' sins and unconsciously compare ourselves to others. We need to remember that our Savior died for all our sins and all sin separates us from God- no matter how we look on the outside. 1 John 5:17 says, "All unrighteousness is sin". That is pretty clear!

So what does that mean for us?

I believe for me it means that I need to realize the gravity of my sinful nature and how it grieves the Holy Spirit. I believe I shouldn't wallow in depression, or false guilt- but confess all my sins, asking God to reveal the inner workings of my heart and mind and lay it out before my Father in Heaven and allow Him to make me clean. As far as the east from the west- that is how far my sins go when I confess and ask for forgiveness.

But all of us, even the Christian giants, need to get a grip on the cancer of sin. In this fallen world, we need to stay away from classifying sin and thinking we look pretty good in comparison to those around us. Thomas Carlyle: "The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none."

And then we need to respond to the sin in our lives make changes. Renewing our mind, catching our words before they fall out of our mouths, asking God to continually make known to us the sin that resides in our hearts.

There is none like God- except for God! All of us fall short! But, God is there for us to encourage us, to cleanse us, to make us walk in ways that please Him. He doesn't want our false humility or for us to not accept His grace-so sacrificially given- but God does desire us to live lives of change- making it our goal to please him in ALL respects.

I close with this passage from Isaiah 40:5-28 to remind you of the grandeur of God:

And the glory of the LORD will be revealed, and all mankind together will see it. For the mouth of the LORD has spoken." A voice says, "Cry out." And I said, "What shall I cry?" "All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field. The grass withers and the flowers fall, because the breath of the LORD blows on them. Surely the people are grass. The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever."
You who bring good tidings to Zion, go up on a high mountain. You who bring good tidings to Jerusalem, lift up your voice with a shout, lift it up, do not be afraid; say to the towns of Judah, "Here is your God!" See, the Sovereign LORD comes with power, and his arm rules for him. See, his reward is with him, and his recompense accompanies him. He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand, or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens? Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket, or weighed the mountains on the scales and the hills in a balance? Who has understood the mind of the LORD, or instructed him as his counselor? Whom did the LORD consult to enlighten him, and who taught him the right way? Who was it that taught him knowledge or showed him the path of understanding?
Surely the nations are like a drop in a bucket; they are regarded as dust on the scales; he weighs the islands as though they were fine dust. Lebanon is not sufficient for altar fires, nor its animals enough for burnt offerings. Before him all the nations are as nothing; they are regarded by him as worthless and less than nothing.
To whom, then, will you compare God? What image will you compare him to?
As for an idol, a craftsman casts it, and a goldsmith overlays it with gold and fashions silver chains for it. A man too poor to present such an offering selects wood that will not rot. He looks for a skilled craftsman to set up an idol that will not topple.
Do you not know? Have you not heard? Has it not been told you from the beginning? Have you not understood since the earth was founded?
He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth, and its people are like grasshoppers. He stretches out the heavens like a canopy, and spreads them out like a tent to live in. He brings princes to naught and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing. No sooner are they planted, no sooner are they sown, no sooner do they take root in the ground, than he blows on them and they wither, and a whirlwind sweeps them away like chaff.
"To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal?" says the Holy One.
Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing. Why do you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel, "My way is hidden from the LORD; my cause is disregarded by my God"?
Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.

Envelopes, Jeans, and Wineskins

2007-10-10T09:18:00.001-07:00

I am a member of www.paperbackswap.com and I mail and receive books from all over the country. Todd got tired of my high book costs and found this website for me. For the price of mailing a book media mail- I receive a book! Pretty cool.

So, one day I was mailing a book, and rather than using the paper packaging I can print myself, I decided to use an envelope. I opened the envelope and starting trying to stuff my book inside. It didn't fit easily, so I decided to wedge it in...trying to squeak it past the sides, going side to side- you know the drill. I was determined to fit that book inside the envelope- when low and behold- the sides ripped! Wasted try, wasted envelope.

Tina Fabulous. Do any of you remember her from The Bachelor? I can still see her before one of her dates trying to squeeze inside a pair of jeans by lying down on the bed and putting them on. I thought, how ridiculous! How uncomfortable! But, she seemed to be just fine with the whole squeezing into a pair of jeans and it seemed to be a normal occurrence in her jean-wearing life. For me, I thank the person who invented tencel fabric and stretch jeans- I know, not very fashionable- but I like to be able to breath when I wear jeans. Don't even get me started on skinny jeans- the whole name just causes me to gag.

As I was trying to stuff my book inside the envelope- a sermon Todd had just given came to mind. When he talked about trying to stuff our new life of Christianity inside the old sinful life. It doesn't fit, it doesn't make sense...and yet many times we still try to make them cohabitate- trying to live in both worlds. This creates dissatisfaction, discomfort, and a feeling of not belonging in either one.

Jesus told them this story: "No person takes cloth off a new coat to cover a hole on an old coat. Why? Because he ruins the new coat, and the cloth from the new coat will not be the same as the old cloth. People never pour new wine into old wine bags. Why? Because the new wine will break the bags, and the wine will spill out and the wine bags will be ruined. People always put new wine into new wine bags. No person that drinks old wine wants new wine. Why? Because he says, 'The old wine is fine.'" Luke 5:36-39 ERV

There are a couple of points I want to bring out from this passage. The main one being- that our life in Christ is a NEW work- Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. Old things have disappeared, and - look! - all things have become new (2 Cor. 5:17).

In a devotional by Phil Ware: "Jesus' point is clear. Don't try to limit God's new life in Christ. Don't try to contain it with your old religious categories. Don't try to dilute it with your old religious practices. Jesus brings something new. Celebrate it. Enjoy its blessings. Be challenged by its demands and rejoice in its promises. But don't ever try to simply attach it to what you had before. The call of Christ is new, fresh, and all encompassing. Begin each day with fresh eyes and new ears with the expectation that the Lord will do something you have never seen or expected. You won't feel safe. It won't be predictable. But, it will be marvelous!"

Many times, we try to 'patch' God into our old understanding of who He is, we try to patch God's truth onto our idea of what religious means, and we try to patch Him onto our sinful life. But, God desires to do something new with us. Not patch up our life- but a new creation. How wonderful when we allow God the freedom to do with us what He desires!

I think another point to recognize from this passage is found in verse 39; "No one who has been drinking old wine wants new wine, for he says, 'The old is excellent!" God understands our struggles. He knows that it is hard for us to let go of the known to embrace the unknown. But, he also knows the freedom, the peace, and the life that awaits those who throw out the old wine skins and pour the new wine into new wine skins.

Philippians 2:13- For it is God who is producing in you both the desire and the ability to do what pleases him.

Again from Phil Ware: "The old life and its temptations lure us and invite us back. So often we succumb. The old religious way of thinking, one based on works righteousness and earning our own salvation, often seeps back into our Christian way of thinking, robbing us of its vitality. The lure of the familiar is powerful. It is also a deadly thief, robbing our new life in Christ of its grace, joy, and victory. Don't go back and mix some other form of religion you know with the radical call of Jesus!"

God desires us to please Him, not straddle the fence, not live lukewarm lives or He will spew us out.

Pray that God will help you to live fully sold out, committed to pleasing Him in all things- turning away from the old, and allowing Him to do something NEW in your life.

Undivided Heart- Brokenness

2007-10-07T11:31:00.000-07:00

*Thank you all for your emails, comments, sharing of stories, prayers and encouragement regarding Parker. He is actually doing much better right now and we are heading to another doctor later this week for more tests, etc. He is really doing well- and hasn't been in pain since Wednesday.*

Brokenness. There are many ideas that come to my head regarding this issue...a lamb whose legs get broken when it wanders away from the shepherd so that it can relearn to hear the shepherd's voice. A wild horse that must be broken before it can be ridden, and mosaics- made up of many broken tiles into a beautiful picture.

Many of us are broken as well. Sometimes life has caused the cracks, and other times we have felt the Saviors hand molding us and breaking us.

This is a poem I have always loved- I don't know the author but I have carried it around with me over the years and it comes to mind periodically when I am experiencing certain things. It is a conversation based on scripture and the promises of God....

God chooses to break me.
But I am strong and I resist His breaking of me.

He breaks me in different degrees but all are separation. He breaks my shell of self and circumstances to reach into my character. He fills it with Him. The more He breaks and fills the gaps with the mortar of Him, the less you see of me.

To break; to interrupt as to break communication. Interrupt the old self that sends signals and impulses to old ways.

Link to His spirit

To break; to disconnect as to unplug from an energy source. Pull the chord from my strength.

Plug into Him.

To break; to breach as in a contract. He broke my contract with sin. I am longer bound to live by the law.

For I am free under Grace.

Oh, I am so unwilling to be willing. It's painful, Lord, foreign and fearful.

I know my beloved. But I have gone before you. Do not fear.

It will show my brittleness, fragility, frailty, how easily I crumble.

Yes, my beloved. For when you are all of these things, then My strength can show instead.

You said you will tear me to pieces!

My loved one, I promised to heal you. I must break you into shattered pieces to prove your nothingness and My completeness.

But Lord, I can't sweep me back together.

Exactly.

Lord, if you break me I'll leak. That seems useless.

Trust Me.

It hurts there where you touched me and now I am crippled.

Listen for My voice of love, little one. You must return to me for healing.

I am an empty pot.

You must be hollow so I can fill you with Myself and the fullness of My love.

But Father, the kneading, the pounding with a little time to rise in the oven. And once I seem whole, you tear me apart again.

I must bring you through all of this, beloved child. You must be torn asunder that I might serve you to those that hunger and thirst for Me.

Do you see it? Do you feel the love, the plans He has, can you understand? As I was writing all I could think about was Jesus' words in the upper room as he spoke to His disciples during the last supper-Luke 22:19 And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, "This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me."

You see, Jesus understood. He understands. He went through pain, suffering, humiliation, and even death- so that He could serve us....and save us.

Brokenness. So necessary to being undivided. Once again Jesus is revealed in dichotomy. It is through breaking us that he binds us together with something stronger, everlasting and more useful. It is through the breaking- that we cling to the vine of Christ. It is through the breaking that we are able to discern the Savior's voice- and find true joy.

John 3:27-30
To this John (the Baptist) replied, "A man can receive only what is given him from heaven. You yourselves can testify that I said, 'I am not the Christ but am sent ahead of him.' The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom's voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete. He must become greater; I must become less.

We must all decrease- decrease the old self, decrease the pride, decrease the sin, decrease the dependence on self, decrease; so that God, the creator of all, the alpha and omega, the One that is higher than the Heavens can increase...so His light can fill us up, showing through our cracks, and sealing us with the Holy Spirit. We are sealed- made better- when God is increased in our lives.

Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name Psalm 86:11

Lon Solomon's book Brokenness is wonderful to understand brokenness and God's purpose through it. Ken Gire, a writer who has great analogies and easy to read writing, has two books that I recommend as well: The Work of His Hands : The Agony and Ecstasy of Being Conformed to the Image of Christ(based on the Sculpture the Pieta by Michelangelo) and The Weathering Grace of God: The Beauty God Brings from Life's Upheavals

Undivided Heart- Suffering

2007-10-06T08:19:00.000-07:00

Psalm 86:11
Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.

My son ran past me with tears running down his face. The door slammed behind him. I paid the doctor bill, grabbed Raney's hand and followed Parker out to the car. He was sitting in the back seat kicking the seat in front of him and crying. I put Raney in her booster chair, and went around to my seat. As soon as I got in the car, Parker started screaming out his frustrations. I stopped him, and then he just started crying really hard.

The doctor had just told Parker that he didn't need to run anymore. We are having trouble with some joint issues and pain in Parker's legs, hips, and feet. We haven't discovered why, or how and we are trying to chase down the issue by visiting various doctors. Last November, Parker ended up in the emergency room because both his knees were swollen, he couldn't walk, and he was running fever. It quickly went away with the right medication- but we still haven't found the cause and have gotten mixed diagnoses. We have ruled out any life threatening issues (praise God!)- it just about finding the source of the pain at this point.

Since then, Parker has had various pain, stiffness but never the swollen joints or fever. In the last few weeks, the pain has progressed to every other day and one day he had trouble walking without crying because of pain in his feet.

You have to understand Parker. He is full of life, energy, and competition. He wants to do what his friends are doing, he wants to play baseball, run, and be a rough and tumble boy. At school, they are doing a mileage contest. For every five miles they run, they receive a plastic foot to put on a chain. You would think these little feet were diamonds the way the want to get them. Parker spends his recess running laps. He has two feet already. But....his pain has been increasing and he has gone to the nurse at school and had trouble when he got home.

Parker couldn't wait to play baseball this season. The first practice- he got to be catcher! What fun! That position comes with accessories...and Parker loved it! But...when he got home- his knees were hurting very badly and he had trouble sleeping.

So, my son was crying in the car on the way home from the doctor. I calmed him down. As he was crying, this is what he was saying, "Why is this happening to me? I have to be able to run, this isn't fair! What about Katherine and Raney- they don't like to run as much as me." And finally, "Doesn't God see that I am hurting?"

Wow! How many times have we all felt that at one time or another. Doesn't God see we are hurting?

I talked to Parker. I told him that God does see that he is hurting- but we don't always understand how and why God works the way he does- but we do know that God has a plan. I shared with him about Paul:

2 Corinthians 12:7-10
To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I shared with Parker that we didn't exactly know the source of Paul's weakness...and that though he had asked God to remove it- God had a reason for the suffering. I told Parker that we needed to rejoice that it wasn't a life or death issue. And I told him, that God was there for him in the midst of his pain. That Parker needed to find some way to be content within the circumstances he was experiencing- waiting on God.

I have to admit, this didn't go very far to assure my eight year old son. It was too deep, too hard, too distant for him to comprehend. He doesn't care that if he damages his joints now, he might not walk as an old man- he wants to run, play baseball and get those darn plastic feet! But, as a parent, I have to take every opportunity to teach the truth...repeatedly. A second opinion the next day allows him to run unless there is pain- but Parker has a hard time regulating that...so we will see.

His experience, and mine as his parent, reminds me that to be undivided with God- we must find a way through the pain, suffering, hurt, and distress that happens in life- to stay close to our Heavenly Father. Cry out, be honest with God- but seek him through it all. God has the lid of the puzzle box- seeing the whole picture- we can just see the various pieces as he reveals them one by one. His goal is to make us more like him- for HIS glory.

And there is hope in the midst of the suffering. Romans 5:3-5- Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Does this hope mean that everything will be okay and solved like we want? No. It means we already have the hope living inside of us- the hope of Christ is the gift of eternal life and all that a life with him entails- including the suffering. The hope is not that it goes away according to our desires- but that God will work through our suffering, using it for His glory, shaping us according to His plan- so that we are more like Him, serving Him.

I hate that my son is in pain. Any parent hates to see their child suffer. Don't you think God sees it and hurts with us as well? But, we must trust, and continue to follow the commandments of God.
James 5:10-11
Brothers, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.
1 Peter 5:10
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

Mercy Me's Song- Bring the Rain
I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain
I am yours regardless of the clouds that may loom above because you are much greater than my pain you who made a way for me suffering your destiny so tell me whats a little rain

Holy, holy, holy Holy, holy, holy
is the lord God almighty
is the lord God almighty
I'm forever singing

Mommy Fumbles

2007-10-02T08:22:00.000-07:00

In a football game...there are fumbles. It happens in the blink of any eye...with the crowd gasping- elation turns to frustration, and the ball slips out of a 'sure grip' and falls. After it hits the ground, it becomes a free for all for everyone on the field. Looking back, I am sure the football player that actually drops the ball is just sick...reliving that moment repeatedly depending on how much impact it had on the overall game.

Mommy fumbles can be the same way. But instead of the crowd gasping in frustration it is the mommy and instead of a ball dropping, many times it is sanity falling, but...the free for all remains the same no matter if it is a bunch of football players...or children. Hmmm...do I mean something with that analogy???

My fumbles have tended to happen when Todd is out of town. He used to travel so much more than he does now. One Summer, he was gone for about 8 weeks, stopping about twice in the midst. There were two overseas trips and two youth camps. I was pregnant with Katherine and Parker was almost two.

There was a rhythm to our life and most of the time things were fine. But...every once in a while all hell could break loose. Parker had gotten a sickness called hand/foot/mouth. I am sure he got it from a playland at some McDonalds where I would retreat to get some of Parker's energy out. The retreat usually lasted until I had to drag my pregnant body up through the tubes to retrieve my child...quite a sight, I am sure.

Anyway...hand/foot/mouth sickness...There were painful blisters all inside his mouth and he could not drink, eat, or exist without pain. And...he couldn't always sleep. Oral medicines burned his mouth so I had to give suppositories. Who likes those? Definitely not a 22 month old! I would tuck his feet up beside his head, holding him there with my arms and bulk and try to wrestle a suppository into a moving, bouncy target. Supposedly the suppository had some type of hard drug that was supposed to make him crash.

Ha, Ha, Ha! My mother and I had learned one rough night in DC when we had come for the Easter Egg Roll that Parker didn't always react to drugs like he was supposed to. That night, my mother and I took turns- but now I was by myself in San Antonio, and I was exhausted.

I put Parker to bed with wet tears on his face. He fell asleep! And I thought I was home free. But, alas, all good things must come to an end. Around midnight he woke up. And started running around the house. He was wired, wired, and more wired.

I let him watch shows, I played with him, I read to him, I locked him in his room, tried all sorts of thing but he was 'high' from the medicine and in pain. And I came to the end of my rope.

I remember slumping down beside his bed as he was running through the house and I just sobbed. I was tired, I was angry, and I didn't know what to do.

Parker finally ran out of gas and we fell asleep in his bed together, Katherine in my tummy in the middle.

I can't believe my son is eight now. He is so precious to me- we have experienced so much together that he will never remember. But, I do. And I know I continue to fumble in my motherhood, but God is there for both Parker and I. And God is there for you.

Deuteronomy 31:8
The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

Undivided Heart- Faith

2007-09-18T08:04:00.000-07:00

Psalm 86:11
Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.

When I was younger I received a plastic gold necklace with a magnified plastic coated mustard seed inside. It was a treasure to me because of what it stood for. In one of my Sunday School classes during high school, we were talking about faith and moving mountains and mustard seeds (Matthew 17:20, He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.") My best friend Carie brought her plastic necklace with a plastic mustard seed and we thought it very cool that we both had a necklace, symbolizing faith. It became a symbol to she and I both and we found much joy in reading and repeatedly using Hebrews 11:1, "faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see". We applied this verse to everything from homework, family situations, and even our love lives. Not sure that is what the scripture meant....but heh, we were trying.

HOPE, SURE, CERTAIN: Strong words, knowing that you know that you know, not relying on anything of our Human nature but putting everything we are into the Potter's Hands, allowing Him to shape and mold us into the functional art that HE desires.

It has always intrigued me how such a small amount of faith could move mountains. Trying to wrap my mind around the concept was better than counting sheep at night. Just a smidgen, a pinch, a teensy little bit of faith accomplishes much.

Undivided Hearts require faith. Proverbs 3:3-5 says, "Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man. Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding".

Faith requires trusting in the Lord. I think for many of us, our trust has been broken. Not by God, but by man and therefore, we struggle to trust God's promises. But to truly LIVE, live in the Lord we must "walk by faith, not by sight" (2 Cor. 5:7).

Once again, an easy concept to read, but hard to always put into practice. Some of us have more trusting natures than others- but God calls all of us to live a life of faith. The Bible is full of God's promises, reassuring us that what He says He will do, He WILL do. He asks us to step out in faith, and to live a life undivided with Him. To be undivided- living a life of faith is really a requirement.

It is the trust that you give when all earthly circumstances say different, it is knowing that God's promises stand up to whatever trial you are experiencing, and it is looking at a little mustard seed and asking God, like the disciples did, to 'increase our faith!(Luke 17:5)"

All throughout the Old Testament we see elements of trust. Faith handed down through generations- knowing that God would fulfill the vision and promise He made even though it would take generations and hundreds of years.

Genesis 15:5-6
He (God) took him outside and said, "Look up at the heavens and count the stars—if indeed you can count them." Then he said to him, "So shall your offspring be."
Abram believed the LORD, and he credited it to him as righteousness.

Romans 4:13-14, 18-25
It was not through law that Abraham and his offspring received the promise that he would be heir of the world, but through the righteousness that comes by faith. For if those who live by law are heirs, faith has no value and the promise is worthless...Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, "So shall your offspring be."Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead—since he was about a hundred years old—and that Sarah's womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. This is why "it was credited to him as righteousness." The words "it was credited to him" were written not for him alone, but also for us, to whom God will credit righteousness—for us who believe in him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead. He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification

So, God made a promise to Abraham and Abraham waited on God, faithfully. He believed God would multiply his heirs and have him be the Father of many nations even when he and Sarah were old and didn't have children, and he believed God when God asked him to sacrifice His son Isaac on an alter.

"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD" Lamentations 3:22-24.

Believing, against all earthly hope, and his faith was credited to Him as righteousness. We have that same ability. We can live a life of believing and trusting God...with faith. Or we can waver and be tossed about not making any progress in our walk with God. James 1:6-7 says, "But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord.

To be aligned with God, to trust his ways, to place our hope in God, to have faith and be undivided in Spirit with Him...the questions to ask yourself are:

Do I trust God?
Do I live my life like I believe He can do anything he wants to do?
Do I have faith even when I cannot see ahead of me?
Am I willing to wait on God?

If any answer is 'no' just ask God to "increase your faith!"

1Timothy 1:12-19a
I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service. Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.
Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.
Timothy, my son, I give you this instruction in keeping with the prophecies once made about you, so that by following them you may fight the good fight, holding on to faith and a good conscience

An Undivided Heart- Purpose

2007-09-16T10:53:00.000-07:00

I was watching a documentary on Billy and Ruth Graham recently. The theme throughout the show was "the grace God provides". Todd has been talking about Grace in his last few sermons and I love the concept of sustaining grace in the midst of crisis or trials. But, in reviewing the Grahams lives and ministry- it was the sustaining grace that God provided on a daily basis.

It kept them steadfast (Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. 1 Cor. 15:58), it kept them working for one purpose (then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Philippians 2:2), and it kept them together- even while being apart (It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me. Philippians 1:7).

Undivided Hearts. Focused on God's purpose for their lives. Undivided doesn't mean that Ruth and Billy were always in agreement- I love one of the quotes famously said by Ruth, "If both people in a marriage always agree- then one of them is not necessary!" And even though they may not have always agreed, they both remained focused on the one call God gave them. God's grace sustained them through travel, issues with their kids, distance, grief, illnesses, and any kind of trouble.

I always think how hard it must have been on Ruth and the kids with Billy gone for months and months at a time. Our military families experience this as well. Sometimes, we forget, that it was just as hard on Billy and those who are separated from the security and love a home base provides. Todd used to travel so much more than he does now. And yet, it still bothers him to be gone from our house for very long. Hotel Rooms, and strangers, and airports can be very lonely even knowing you are doing it for a greater purpose.

Purpose. That is one of the keys to living a life with an undivided heart. Purpose allows you to align yourself with the Holy God who has good works for you to do, who has plans for you, and who desires that all people come to know Him. Knowing your purpose doesn't always make it easier to live life...sometimes it makes it more difficult. There are difficult decisions to have to make so that you are aligned with what God is asking you to do, sometimes there is pain and heartache- but to not listen, to not do God's will? For God has not called us for the purpose of impurity, but in sanctification I Thessalonians 4:7. I have been very uncomfortable when I have chosen to ignore God's voice in my life. The proverbial being inside a fish with my voice echoing off the ribs, and hanging out with half-digested food comes to mind. Who grows up and wants to be Jonah? And yet, there are times we all are. We run from the purpose, the goal that God has set before us.

Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come...We live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him... 2 Corinthians 5:5,7-9

And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father...Colossians 1:10-12a

It is obvious to me that to be undivided with God- we must pursue a life of sanctification, set apart for His glory, and to please Him in all things. He is our divining rod against what all things should be measured. And then there are many of us that know God has something even more specific for us to do.

Are you listening? Are you obeying?

An Undivided Heart

2007-09-09T11:59:00.000-07:00

Sunday nights can be rather hectic for us. Especially during the school year. The kids are coming down from the weekend, and then we head to church, many times with friends, which causes more excitement. After getting dinner on our way home, and dropping off the friends, we arrive at our house.

On one or more Sunday nights this is what happens: As I exit the car, I ask my children to gather their things- the artwork and papers from church, and their dinner. More often than not, I have to get all the leftovers in the car as well as the drinks. I walk into the house after my children with my hands full. I cannot see and I trip over the shoes that are left in the middle of the floor right inside the door. A couple of times the drinks have gone flying, other times the stuff in my arms just falls to the floor. I am usually screeching at this point, VERY ready for all my kids to be in bed! A great ending to a Sunday night don't you think? There are many times when I think I would like to tell Todd...."I will preach and you take the kids home and put them to bed"!

I was meditating on the verse in Hebrews 12. Verse one says "....let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us". And I had the picture in my head of me walking into the house with my arms loaded down. These are the thoughts that came along with the picture:

I couldn't see very well with my arms full
I tripped because I wasn't able to see completely
I couldn't see obstacles in my path because my view was obstructed
If I had shared my burden then I wouldn't have had as much trouble
With my arms full, I cannot help someone else carry their burdens
I cannot hug; comfort others

There is a freedom in letting go of things...things of the earth that have no eternal value, things that hinder us from walking Godly lives. There is a freedom in shaking off the sin that so easily entangles, seeking God's help to overcome. In letting go, I can focus on the joy set before me, weighing everything against value and teachings in God's kingdom, I can praise the Holy Father fully because my hands are free to lift high in praise to Him.So much easier when it is a picture in my head. It is very hard to focus on God when we are holding onto so many other things rather than Him.

This concept of me having my arms full and holding on to ‘stuff’ kept bouncing around in my head. Because, if we are holding tight to things, people, etc. than we cannot hold on to Him, and our view is blocked- obstructed and we are more likely to trip. The lesson- to hold loosely(...or not overload your arms anyway..).

We are to hold loosely, while He, being God and all, holds on to us. He is always there just waiting for us to seek Him, You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart I will be found by you," declares the LORD (Jeremiah 29:13-14a).

He is never far from us: "He is the God who made the world. He also made everything in it. He is the Lord of heaven and earth. He doesn't live in temples built by hands. He is not served by human hands. He doesn't need anything. He himself gives life and breath to all people. He also gives them everything else they have. From one man he made all the people of the world. Now they live all over the earth. He decided exactly when they should live. And he decided exactly where they should live. God did this so that people would seek him. Then perhaps they would reach out for him and find him. They would find him even though he is not far from any of us (Acts 17:24-27).

I was thinking about the phrase 'hold loosely'. I tried to find it in the Bible and could not. I realized that we use this phrase in the Christian walk based on Abraham's experience in Genesis 22 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis%2022:1-14&version=31). We see that God asked Abraham to sacrifice his son, something Abraham valued, loved, and had waited on for many years. Abraham was faithful and went to follow through with God's commands. In the end, we see God providing another way to satisfy His desire for a sacrifice...but we need to understand that God does not choose to intervene in a crisis of faith. To assume that there is always another provision in the face of a crisis is to limit God’s sustaining grace in our lives. It limits our ability to trust completely if we trust ‘only until we are rescued’.

We are to be willing to hand over everything, allowing no other thing to come before or in the way of following the Almighty God and His commands: Hold on to instruction, do not let it go; guard it well, for it is your life Prov. 4:13. Holding loosely...

All my life I have heard this story of Abraham and Isaac. They both had to trust their Fathers completely. When my parents were teaching Sunday School, my father did a drama based on Genesis 22. My little brother was two at the time and was brought in. My dad called him up to the front and asked him to lie down. Grant, fully trusting his father who loved him greatly, went with no hesitation. He lay down and my father held a knife over him...there were many tears and fear over this dramatic picture. But...it was the trust of Grant and the pain in my father's eyes that have stayed with me. My father was hurting even though he knew he wasn't really going to do any harm to Grant.

And I have to ask.... am I willing to hold loosely to my children? To my husband? To my relatively easy life? How much am I willing to let go so that I am holding tightly to the instructions of the Bible? How much do I trust the Father in Heaven? Do I trust that He really will hold on to me?

I do know that we don't know until such a time arrives. Because it is only then that God gives you the strength, and grace, to handle what He has put before you. (Hebrews 4:16) Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

So there is no reason to worry, to anticipate, or to fear. But, we should spend our time on this earthy being open to the movements of God and His Holy Spirit. Learning to love him with an undivided heart- even when it is painful.

Psalm 86:11
Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.

My prayer based on this verse:Lord, teach me how you want me to live. Enable to follow your truth. Help me to hide your words in my heart so that when I am tested or burdened, I can recall your Living Word. Give me a heart that doesn't want anything more than to worship you and all that worship involves- my whole heart, my whole spirit, my whole life. And with great trembling, I lay all that I am at your feet.

*NOTE* I wrote this blog right before going to Frontline on Sunday night. As I heard Todd's sermon...I realized that God was working in us both with the same message in different ways. Funny how the Holy Spirit can do that.

Celebrating Raney Grace

2007-09-07T09:22:00.000-07:00

My youngest daughter is growing up. She is now four and a half and tells people that fact quite often. It is so funny to hear her talk about life 'when she was three'. As much I truly rejoice in my children growing...it has been hard to release my youngest. Her temperament is either pure joy or pure angst- and I revel in her personality, though it can be trying at times.

Raney doesn't embrace change, loud noises, or darkness very well. She is cautious, and has her own way of comforting herself- which is usually quite repetitive

Regarding change:

from her first day of school which is also a church so the rooms serve two purposes
Mom, why doesn't the music room have music?

I don't know Raney- sometimes it does and sometimes it has chairs.

Oh yeah, Things change. GranJan said things change. Do things change mom?

Yes Raney.

I will have to call GranJan and tell her things changed at my school.

Regarding loud noises:

Thunder often causes Raney to sleep in the playroom and constantly yell down, "I'm not afraid of thunder, Mom, but I can sleep in the playroom right?"

This phrase is also used for firecrackers, or loud motorcycle noises and is repeated until she falls asleep.

Also, she is afraid of the noise of various toilets flushing. So, we have to wait until she covers her ears before we flush...needless to say the automatic flushers are quite traumatic for her.

She went on a scary ride at Disney World- and we still talk about it to this day. She is working through everything all the time.

Parker and Katherine get pretty tired of the repetition in Raney's vocabulary. She also somewhat speaks her own language and sometimes Katherine acts as her interpreter to those not around all the time.

always means never i.e You never ask me to get my clothes!
never means always i.e You always let me go outside and play in the street!
mote means remote i.e. Where's the mote, mom?
maked means naked i.e. Look Mom, I'm maked!
sagna means lasagna, spaghetti and anything with red sauce
noodles applies to anything with noodles
and daddy's food means chicken and vegetables

Raney also is one of the most compassionate of my children. She feels deeply for her brother and sister...and always wants to share what she has with them. She loves praise music and sings or hums to most all songs (irritating her siblings) but Todd and I love that she remembers the words and always wants to know what they mean.

She was my surprise child...and continues to surprise me on a daily basis. Sometimes they are good surprises and other times the surprises exhaust me. It is time for me to let her grow up, to challenge her insecurities, to encourage her to reach past her fears, and to allow her to fall sometimes.

Tough Love. Such a hard dichotomy to embrace.

Discipline, Exercise, and Wisdom

2007-09-06T07:48:00.000-07:00

Job 28:28
And he said to man, 'The fear of the Lord—that is wisdom, and to shun evil is understanding.'

Psalm 111:10
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding. To him belongs eternal praise.

Proverbs 9:10
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.

Exercise....bleh! Getting healthy....double bleh! Being married to a reformed food junkie/couch potato.....triple bleh!

Yes, in my life, I have been convinced, convicted, whatever you want to call it, that it is time for me to pursue a life of health. And that means discipline...gag, cough, gag, bleh! Discipline means change, and work, and something new. And I really don't like change very much. God is so funny and has such a great sense of humor in having me married to a man of many changes!

Discipline can also be applied to our spiritual walk as well. I have an easier time with this one though I still like it to be 'free formed'. And just like exercise, there are times when you have to push through the awkward discomfort to reach a better goal, a higher goal.

Last night in our small group, our cooler than cool head chica, led us on a journey through various disciplines based on two main books "So you want to be like Christ" by Chuck Swindoll and "Celebration of Discipline" by Richard Foster, while also using her own convictions. She talked about cultivating.... Prayer, Worship, Evangelism, Serving, Silence, Solitude, Confession, Study, Journal, and Celebration.

To cultivate:
to prepare and work on; to promote or improve the growth of (a plant, crop, etc.) by labor and attention. to develop or improve by education or training; train; refine ;foster. to devote oneself to (an art, science, etc.).

Cultivating each one of these to attain true intimacy with Christ (see past blog on intimacy). I realized very quickly that my journey into wisdom was closely tied to the spiritual disciplines. I love it when God starts to put the pieces of the puzzle together!

I kind of made light of the verse regarding the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom in my previous post. I now realize how true and deep that verse actually is. "Fear of the Lord" = reverential trust, deep affection and wanting to honor by walking in the way of the Creator, holy admiration, the understanding that He is God...and we are most definitely NOT.

And that truly is the beginning. The chief proponent of our Christian walk and journey into wisdom. Wisdom is a spiritual gift and also a result of a live lived completely under the influence of the Almighty God and all his commandments.

We must know Him. Pursue Him. Exercise spiritual disciplines in our lives so that the marathon we are running is consistent, and pleasing to our Heavenly Coach. Throwing off all the sin that so easily entangles us (Hebrews 12:1-3), shaking off any obstacles in our path, running straight towards the open arms of God- the only one we should actively try to please.

Jennifer, our head chica, challenged us to write a goal for our lives. I.E. "To know God better" and write it in the front of our Bible- living each day with that goal in mind- making that mission statement, goal, or calling forefront in our Christian walk. We are to be in constant training...never laying a hold of it until we are in Heaven.

Praise be to God whose Love endures forever.

Job 28: 12-28
"But where can wisdom be found? And where is the place of understanding? "Man does not know its value, Nor is it found in the land of the living. "The deep says, `It is not in me'; And the sea says, `It is not with me.' "Pure gold cannot be given in exchange for it, Nor can silver be weighed as its price. "It cannot be valued in the gold of Ophir, In precious onyx, or sapphire. "Gold or glass cannot equal it, Nor can it be exchanged for articles of fine gold. "Coral and crystal are not to be mentioned; And the acquisition of wisdom is above that of pearls. "The topaz of Ethiopia cannot equal it, Nor can it be valued in pure gold.
"Where then does wisdom come from? And where is the place of understanding? "Thus it is hidden from the eyes of all living And concealed from the birds of the sky. "Abaddon and Death say, `With our ears we have heard a report of it.' "God understands its way, And He knows its place. "For He looks to the ends of the earth And sees everything under the heavens. "When He imparted weight to the wind And meted out the waters by measure, When He set a limit for the rain And a course for the thunderbolt, Then He saw it and declared it; He established it and also searched it out. "And to man He said, `Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom; And to depart from evil is understanding.'

Boiling Frogs and Godly Wisdom

2007-09-05T07:17:00.000-07:00

James 3:13-18
13Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. 14But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. 15Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. 16For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. 17But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness

Wisdom. An often misunderstood word, character trait, and gift of the Holy Spirit. As often as it is misunderstood, it is even more often abused by its use in various ways or descriptions.

A couple of women in my small group have recently asked for wisdom in their prayer requests. That made me think about what exactly wisdom is and why should we want it in our lives. Then I went to Texas to see my family and my mother had been seeing the James passage fleshed out in her own life- God was using it...and she passed it on to me.

Matthew Henry has this to say about wisdom, "True wisdom may be known by the meekness of the spirit and temper. Those who live in malice, envy, and contention, live in confusion; and are liable to be provoked and hurried to any evil work. Such wisdom comes not down from above, but springs up from earthly principles, acts on earthly motives, and is intent on serving earthly purposes. ...It has no disguise or deceit...but it is sincere, and open, and steady, and uniform, and consistent with itself."

I find it interesting to see that true wisdom of God has fruits and a path- found on a journey. Wisdom is listed as one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit and I know the more we seek Godly wisdom for God's purposes- he is faithful to give it (If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! Matt.7:11).

James gives us a summary of worldly wisdom v. Godly wisdom. Their end results are very different and a great tuning fork of wisdom in our own lives. Worldly wisdom is motivated by a heart of envy and selfishness, spurred on by the world, the flesh and ultimately the devil himself. It may be subversive and not overt...seeping into our lives through pride, puffed up knowledge or perceived righteousness. A great concept of this I heard most of my life in regards to sin- and pride is definitely a sin- is how if you put a frog in water and then let it boil- the frog dies because he adjusts to the hot water rather than jumping out- and ulitmately dies. Sin does the same thing to us- if we adjust our lives to the world- the result is death. In much the same way, worldly wisdom, if left unchecked, results in a life of confusion and ungodly acts, pleasing self and not God.

In contrast, Godly wisdom comes from a pure and humble heart and is grown in a righteous life that results in peace. It is quick to hear and slow to speak, not hypocritical- consistent with the teachings of God in Scripture. And peace as a result is a very rare and much desired commodity in this day and age.

People seem to always use the verse that that the 'fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom' and yet there are countless other verses regarding wisdom in the Bible. Most of them are connected to understanding. I love that- it is not just a talking wise head (like the wizard in oz) but one that listens and understands as part of the wisdom. I love this passage in Proverbs 8. It defines what the fear of the Lord is and also talks about what can co-habitate with wisdom.

Proverbs 8:12-13
I, wisdom, dwell together with prudence; I possess knowledge and discretion.13 To fear the LORD is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech.

Wisdom can, and often does accompany those with years and experience but it is not exclusive the trait of the 'aged'. I recommend reading Job 32 and 33. It is a recounting of Elihu, son of one of Job's friends. He ended up challenging the conclusions reached by Job as well as the the friends- his voice was one of wisdom in spite of his youth. Job 32:6-9 says, "So Elihu the son of Barachel the Buzite spoke out and said, "I am young in years and you are old; Therefore I was shy and afraid to tell you what I think. 7 "I thought age should speak, And increased years should teach wisdom. 8 "But it is a spirit in man, And the breath of the Almighty gives them understanding. 9 "The abundant {in years} may not be wise, Nor may elders understand justice.

Many times in the past, but not enough in the recent days, I have prayed for wisdom for a given situation. I used the word in regards to telling my children what to do the other day and had to find a definition to satisfy them. I used one Todd uses often- which is basically- knowing what is the right thing to do and then doing it. But, wisdom, true wisdom, doesn't seem to be a one stop shop- but multi-layer and multi-dimensional and ultimately life giving. Jesus came to confound the wise...his ways are foolishness to the world- we must fight worldly wisdom and not allow it to come into our lives under the guise of reason, intellect, or false teachings.

I close with this passage in Proverbs 4 and could have used the entire chapter:
4 he taught me and said, "Lay hold of my words with all your heart; keep my commands and you will live. 5 Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or swerve from them.6 Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you.7 Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.8 Esteem her, and she will exalt you;embrace her, and she will honor you.

STICKERS!

2007-08-24T05:29:00.000-07:00

Stickers and chocolate. Prized commodities at my house among my daughters. I was never someone who loved stickers but Katherine and Raney cannot get enough of them. We get them from the doctor, they get to pick them out, they are party favors from birthday parties, and their Mamaw also sends them stickers periodically in the mail. Chocolate is also pretty popular...and that obsession I totally get. One of these days they will move from stickers and chocolate to shoes and chocolate.

Anyway...yesterday we went to the doctor for a 'well-check' for Raney and of course we received stickers at the end. Katherine likes to save all of hers, and put them in her sticker notebook. Raney has a different way of handling. She likes to 'mark' people with stickers, but there is a progression. First, she puts it on herself and then later on she moves it to someone she loves, and then if it still has sticky left, she will put it in her notebook. I have realized that if you leave a sticker on your hand for more than a couple of hours- it hurts to peel it off. Yesterday when daddy got home, Raney was ready to pull her sticker from her shirt and put it on him.

She excitedly told him about the doctor, proudly showed him her sticker, and asked him if he wanted it. He, being the good daddy he is, was very responsive to wearing a princess sticker on his shirt. So, Raney grabbed the sticker and pulled.......and it ripped!

In my head I am hearing Molly from the Annie movie, "Oh my goodness, Oh my goodness!" while watching Raney fall apart because the prize she wanted to share with her daddy was ruined! It was very tragic.

But, Todd, reached out to her and said, "Raney, it is okay, I can make it better, watch this!". He reached out and got the two halves of her sticker and gently put them together on his shirt. Raney was watching very closely while her daddy took the pieces of her gift, and made it like new on his shirt. Afterwards, she climbed up on his lap and hugged him.

Times like these reach out and touch a mother's heart. I saw multiple spiritual elements but I also just enjoyed the moment- loving my husband as he loved our daughter.

Walks like a Duck...

2007-08-21T08:34:00.000-07:00

We are studying the Gospel of John in my small group and this week we looked at John the Baptist. His job was to prepare the way for the Lord.

Beth Moore in her "Beloved Disciple Study" says this about preparation:
Preparation reminds me of a wonderful verse in Joshua, "Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things among you: (3:5). God can perform a miracle in any one of us at anytime, but amazing things happen when He prepares us for His mighty work. Included in that mighty work will most assuredly be what we need most- whether a fresh work, a repair from a tear, or a full-scale restoration.

Our job as Christians is also to prepare the way for the Lord...on a daily basis. Our lives, our actions, our words should be 'making the path straight', a highway to the Heavenly Father. John said this to the priests who came to question him, "Produce fruit in keeping with repentance!"(Luke 3:8, Matthew 3:8).

What a strong statement! The Bible is filled with warnings, encouragements, and statements to make sure our faith and our lives match. John 15 talks about the vine and branches and fruit, and James also challenges us to not live by faith alone. The whole concept of walks like a duck, sounds like a duck, looks like a duck...so is a duck takes on a new meaning!

Walk like a Christ Follower:
My fruit is better than fine gold; what I yield surpasses choice silver. I walk in the way of righteousness, along the paths of justice. (Proverbs 8:19-20)
Sound like a Person Following Christ:
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29; But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. 4Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving Ephesians 5:3-4
Looks like a Christ Follower:
God's power has given us everything we need to lead a godly life. All of that has come to us because we know the One who chose us. He chose us because of his own glory and goodness. He has also given us his very great and valuable promises. He did it so you could share in his nature. He also did it so you could escape from the evil in the world. That evil is caused by sinful longings. So you should try very hard to add goodness to your faith. To goodness, add knowledge. To knowledge, add the ability to control yourselves. To the ability to control yourselves, add the strength to keep going. To the strength to keep going, add godliness. To godliness, add kindness to believers. And to kindness to believers, add love. You should possess more and more of those good points. They will make you useful and fruitful as you get to know our Lord Jesus Christ better 2 Peter 1:3-8

Then you will be a new creation in Christ- Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. 2 Corinthians 5:17-21.

Do you see? We are to be Christ's ambassadors- preparing the way for His presence in people's lives.

So...are you producing fruit in keeping with repentance?

Intimacy

2007-08-19T06:51:00.000-07:00

Intimacy is an art. Intimacy is art. Art can be intimacy. When I think of intimacy, and I am not talking sexually, I think of a tapestry. All the individual threads woven together, not knowing when one ends or begins, creating a beautiful picture for the world to see. It takes skill, it takes pricking one's finger, it takes time...so much time. And yet the result- is amazing!

I was reading an article in People magazine and I was struck by a quote from Elizabeth Edwards (John Edwards' wife), who is writing a memoir of her journey with cancer as well her life in the public eye. "No marriage is perfect. John and I have argued, we have disagreed about the children and about jobs, about why he insists on going for a run at dinnertime. From time to time we have been disappointed in one another, because that is the nature of real intimacy" (pg. 74, August 20, 2007).

I loved that! Real and true intimacy cannot come without troubles, or pains on the way. Intimacy arises out of need and love for another person. Closeness, familiarity, bonded, deep understanding, relationship and a warm friendship are all synonyms for intimacy. One of the sentences used in the dictionary to describe intimacy stood out to me: "the absence of fences created a mysterious intimacy in which no one knew privacy".

Yesterday, while running errands, I heard a song that I hadn't heard in a long while. Michael W. Smith was singing it this time. I don't know the title (maybe Breathe?) but the words are: 'This is the air I breathe. Your Holy Presence Living in me. This is my daily bread. Your very Word Spoken to me. And I'm desperate for you. And I'm lost without you.'

My kids wanted to know what 'desperate' meant. I explained- when you have a great need, a yearning, an intense desire and then I explained that the song was talking about being desperate for Jesus.

Intimacy with our Saviour- arising out of our desperate need and love for a presence in our lives that is SO much greater than ourselves! I always hear the analogy about letting God into our houses, even our closets. I laugh because I am a clutter queen, and if you open the drawer to find a dish cloth, you just might find markers, stamps, or money! Many times when people are over my house- I see them starting to open the drawer, or cabinet and I am dive rolling over furniture to stop them so they don't see my mess inside. And yet...intimacy is such a strong aspect of our Christian lives together and disappointment happens. Even when I disappoint my Father in Heaven- I know He still loves me.

Psalm 142:5-7
I cry to you, O LORD; I say, "You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living."
Listen to my cry, for I am in desperate need; rescue me from those who pursue me, for they are too strong for me. Set me free from my prison, that I may praise your name. Then the righteous will gather about me because of your goodness to me.

Are you feeling intimacy with the Heavenly Father? Are you desperate for Him? What prison is keeping you from pursuing Him freely? prison of guilt? prison of addiction? prison of apathy? prison of sin? prison of your past? Isn't it amazing how different all our prisons can look and yet they all keep us from praising the father in Heaven and they keep us from true intimacy with Him and many times with those around us.

Praying for you. Julie

Shadows

2007-08-16T20:25:00.000-07:00

There is a familiar praise song echoing through my mind right written by Matt Redman:

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know You are near
And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIAdgLR1ZGw&mode=related&search (video of song)

The other night at small group we were talking about shadows...they come in many forms- in our heads, whispers of Satan; in the forms of sickness or death; trials and struggles; and the fear of the unknown.

Our leader mentioned about when she was a little girl and what shadows were to her. I was immediately taken back to being a small child, not being able to sleep and my imagination taking over the shadows of the night. I was immobilized with fear.

Maybe if I didn't move the burglar wouldn't know I was awake
Maybe if I slowly moved my one foot that was out of the covers- underneath the sheet, the monster that was under my bed couldn't get me
Maybe if I ran really fast to my father while the person was on the opposite side of the house, I would be safe
And then...I would start thinking of all the things I could say to the shadow to make it go away.

Sometimes I dreamed about witnessing and bringing them to church as our guest. Other times I would try quoting scripture to myself until the panic subsided. As a child, the main verses I knew were John 3:16 and Psalm 23. This song reminds me of Psalm 23. It is a reminder to me that even in the shadows of life- I can still praise my Father in Heaven, who is with me, in whatever I am going through.

Shadows. Imagery of darkness. C.S. Lewis and Shadowlands. Fellowship of the Rings and the Dark Shadow...

But, we have a God of Light! James 1:17 says, "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."

His truth shines like light in the midst of the darkness. His scripture chases away the shifting shadows, and His presence guides us into righteousness.

A favorite book of mine at Christmas is The Littlest Angel. I love the last few pages where God the father, takes the Littlest Angel's lowly gift- and makes it the light of Bethlehem. Obviously completely fictional- but so powerful to me. The illustrations show a large light shining down on this crouching, kneeling, fearful angel and a voice comes from the Heavens and speaks comfort.

That is what His light does- it speaks comfort. It speaks truth. It speaks love. It speaks strength.

Don't let the shadows in your life immobilize you. Go to the Word and arm yourself with treasures in Heaven that His light can shine through and allow God to chase away your shadows.

Katherine and Butterflies

2007-08-11T09:43:00.000-07:00

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!
(2 Cor. 5:17)

Butterflies...fluttering wings, sporadic movement, lightening of spirit, somewhat solitary, and striking beauty- even with the most blandest of colors.

Sometimes I associate things with my children. Parker and Rainbows, while Katherine has always reminded me of a butterfly. But, never more so than the other night.

She and Todd were watching Angels in the Outfield and I was downstairs with Raney. I went back upstairs to get the girls ready for bed and Todd told me that he and Katherine had been talking about angels and God.

Katherine got up to take her medicine and with a fluttering hand- directed her daddy and I 'to talk about things'. I could tell something was up.

Todd told me that Katherine was ready to ask Jesus to come into her heart. wow.

Now, since Parker made that decision over two years ago, Katherine has been very curious and asking questions but always coming to the conclusion that she wasn't ready or that she wanted to wait until she was older. But, now the day had arrived.

Todd took Raney upstairs and I talked with Katherine who was all smiles and giggles. I asked her if she knew who Jesus was?
"He is God and God's son"
Do you know what He did?
"He died on the cross so I can live forever"
Do you know what sin is?
"Things like lying and not being nice to my sister"
Do you understand forgiveness?
"when the bad things I do don't matter anymore"
Did Jesus stay dead?
"Noooooo! He rose from the dead and there were angels

I am always hesitant for young children to make the decision to become a Christian. In spite of my own experience at age 6, I worry that since we live and breathe ministry and church. I want to make sure that my children feel these things deeply and not just feel pressure. Plus, I knew Katherine really loved watching Parker getting baptized and maybe baptism was on her 'cool' list. Of course, Todd was over on the other couch freaking out that I might let this opportunity pass us by...again~ typical pastor!

Katherine was pretty adamant- I decided to trust her instincts since she had previously decided she wasn't ready.

We called Parker home from a friend's house and he arrived. We asked him to tell his sister about his experience, and we had Katherine share with him as well. Then, Todd led my beautiful daughter in a prayer asking Jesus to come and live with her, to be inside her heart, and to help her live her life in a way that glorifies Him.

Precious.

Then it was time to share the news...Katherine called friends and family to let them know she "asked Jesus into her heart and is going to be baptized".

To her friend Leah Hurt (age 5) who is a Christian: "When you are ready to be baptized let me know because I am already ready!"
To her friend Tyler (age 8) who is a Christian and has been baptized: "Good for you Tyler, were you scared? How deep was the water? Like one foot, 2 feet or 5 feet?

My daughter, a beautiful butterfly, a new creation in Christ, my sister forever.

Jehovah Jireh

2007-08-07T06:35:00.000-07:00

My children went to a bibleschool/summer camp a couple of weeks ago at Algonkian Park through a Presbyterian Church. They have such a blast being outside, playing games, learning bible stories, and getting wet (the get sprayed, shot at, or poured on if they get an answer correct). I am so impressed with the snacks. They are so creative. On the day the talked about Jesus and Peter walking on water- their snack was creating a boat out of graham cracker sticks and frosting, a carrot for the mast, and gummy snacks for the disciples and Jesus.

Anyway...they also received a CD with Christian music on it for the camp week. One of the songs is sung by a child and then other children join her. The words at beginning are "Here I am before you now on my knees" and then in chorus are "You say Lay it down, Lay it all down and forget, You say it Lay it down, Lay it all down, and then you say call me to you and you will provide, a way to leave these tears behind, and and help me forget".

It is so precious. I love that my kids are learning to go to God with their burdens and listening to little kids voices sing about this is such a strong reminder for me.

Sunday we went to get Parker from his overnight camp he had been at for the week and we were listening to this CD. Lately, Todd and I have been struck with all the suffering around us. Not the random suffering of the world at large- but the close at hand suffering of couples we know going through marital difficulties, life threatening illnesses, and bad job situations or even loss of jobs. I have been burdened. My heart breaks for each one of them, I don't know all the right words, and we struggle to just be there when needed.

This song reminded me of where to go first- to the Heavenly Father. I can also honestly say that in each situation of people we know going through hard times- their faith is carrying them through. They are all responding the the various crisis with strength, faith, and hope in Christ. As much as my heart breaks for them- I am also amazed.

God is a God of provision. Here is a poem written by my best friend.

Jehovah Jirah

My Jehovah Jirah, You hold me in Your hand.
My Jehovah Jirah, In Your very palm I stand.

My Jehovah Jirah, never to far away.
My Jehovah Jirah, You guide me through all of my days.

My Jehovah Jirah, my daily bread I await.
My Jehovah Jirah, Your provision is never too late.

My Jehovah Jirah, on you I will keep my eyes.
My Jehovah Jirah, You alone are my greatest prize.

My Jehovah Jirah, through feast or famine, I will not lose sight.
My Jehovah Jirah, my joy, my life, my light.

My Jehovah Jirah, one name of many, one promise to believe.
My Jehovah Jirah, let my heart not ever be deceived.

I kept thinking about this poem last night and singing the words to the song in my head. The name Jehovah Jireh came from Abraham in Genesis 22. He had just been told to sacrifice his son, and right before he actually went through with it, God provided an alternative sacrifice, a ram. Abraham's response was, "So Abraham called that place The LORD Will Provide(Jehovah Jireh). And to this day it is said, "On the mountain of the LORD it will be provided." (vs. 14)

God is there for you, and for me. Look to Him in all things. Wait for his provision. And remember, God's provision may not look the way we think it should.

Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Psalm 73:25-26

If you are burdened right now, spend some time with the Father in Heaven, and Lay it all down before Him. Cry out to Him, Jehovah Jireh.

O LORD, the God who saves me, day and night I cry out before you. May my prayer come before you; turn your ear to my cry. For my soul is full of trouble Psalm 88:1-3

Romantic Drivel

2007-08-06T07:26:00.000-07:00

"She spied him across the heads of the people in the ballroom, her gaze was drawn like bees to honey, his eyes the color of the amber liquid. A small gasp escaped her mouth before she even knew it. He came, he was here! Her dreams and desires all in one man. And he was here."

Todd loves to watch car chases, sporting disasters, and any other adrenaline show. I give him a very hard time because- many times the 'disaster' is not as spectacular as the commentary that the guy is giving it. It always seems much more extreme if you listen and not watch.

Romantic novels are much the same way. They are set up to be extreme- and not common. I am a 'mind candy' junkie. I love to lose myself in all sorts of books: mysteries, murder, love, history, biographies, mystical, etc. I am not going to defend my obsession- I know many may have opinions- they couldn't be that different than Todd giving me a hard time. Because, guess what? What I read isn't always from a christian perspective! gasp!

I began reading at a very early age and my mother gave me a piece of advice that I apply to everything I read. "Real life is not like in books." She always wanted to make sure that I could tell fiction from real life- and wanted me to understand that my love life, my marriage, my marital sexual life, and my life in general would NEVER be like a book.

We allow our children to watch certain shows, or movies depending on their maturity. It is not an age deal- because they are all so different. It is the ability to separate fact from fiction- they need to understand that what they watch is not real. Animals cannot talk, there is no spider-man, the princess doesn't always get the prince, and people do not break out into song and dance in most highschools.

I am speaking to the single woman. I believe (and don't shoot me) it is okay to read books that cause you to dream. But, you must be able to separate fact from fiction. Losing yourself in a story is fine- but coming back into reality is a must. Dating life is not a romantic highway man abduction. If I was being held up for any reason, I don't think I would notice the beautiful eyes behind the mask, or admire the strong physique of the man robbing me.

You cannot expect to always be swept off your feet, and relationships are unlike many of those laid out in books. Sometimes they are much more work...and not so dramatic. It is unfair and unrealistic to put these expectations on the men around us. They just don't respond like the heros in books- which are written by other women.

We don't want men to put 'movie star' expectations upon us as women. No matter how I hard I try- I will never, never look like Angelie Jolie or any of the Jessicas (Biel, Alba, Simpson). And I will never look adoringly at Todd all the time...and he must get used to me sometimes staying in my pajammas all day and doing laundry.

If you struggle with wanting fantasy to be real life than take hiatus from watching, reading or putting anything in front of you that takes you away from focusing on the truth in your life. When I was trying to decide about watching Studio 60, Will Pavone commented and gave this advice- I am passing it on:

Here are two texts I try to use to evaluate what I should watch. I dont always do it but ive been thinking that maybe I should put these verses on the top of my tv.

I will walk with integrity of heart within my house; I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless. psalm 101:2-3
For your obedience is known to all, so that I rejoice over you, but I want you to be wise as to what is good and innocent as to what is evil. romans 16:19

I am not going to tell you what to read, what to watch, or what music to listen to. You need to spend time with the Heavenly Father and evaluate what the Holy Spirit is leading you to do. Seeking truth- for your life in scripture and in wise counsel.

Cat Stalker

2007-08-04T12:17:00.000-07:00

We got a cat on July 4th. Initially, we were just going to go and check out the cat to see if it was one we wanted...but of course, we came home with her. I have never had a cat before so their behavior is rather interesting to watch. She is very, very playful, cute, and loves to lay around on our laps.

She also loves to seek out her prey...and we have this little stuffed mouse filled with catnip that she loves to roll around and pounce on.

However, my youngest daughter Raney Grace also loves this little mouse toy...and any other toy that Sweetie, our cat, is wanting to play with. Raney follows the cat around constantly, snagging her toys and then hoarding them wherever she goes (guess she needs to listen to Todd's sermon about hoarding!).

A familiar refrain at my house right now is "Raney- step away from the cat and put down her toys!" I probably say it thousands upon thousands times each day.

Raney sits and watches the cat eat, moves her food around, tries to lock her in cabinets, rooms, and any other closed space. Sweetie has been pretty good sport about it all. I think it bothers me more than her. If I am trying to talk to Raney about the cat and asking her to get away...Raney can barely focus on what I am saying- her little eyes are darting back and forth as she blankly says, "yeah mom, yes, okay, un huh". So, I call her my little cat stalker.

I was watching her the other day and reminded about Satan...not that Raney IN ANY WAY reminds me of Satan- but the way she follows the cat around reminds me of the verse in the Bible: "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings"(1 Peter 5:8-9)

Of course, I could also make a case for an analogy between our cat and this verse...but Raney is what sparked my memory.

It is so important that we stay tied to the vine of Christ throughout each day. There are so many temptations out there, and like Raney, we can become so enamoured of the object of our affection, that we fail to hear the warnings, the voice of the Holy Spirit in our lives, and we end up being addicted, or caught up in sin before we even know it.

No matter how many times I tell Raney that the cat might scratch her- she still goes after what she wants. She is truly obsessed and we are working on breaking her of her 'cat stalking habit'.

What sin are you 'stalking'? Stalking or tracking or pursuing...be careful, be alert! The devil knows his prey- us- very well.

And as the rest of the verse says, "Stand firm!" share your issues with your small group, help them hold you accountable. God says he always provides a way out of every temptation...

1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."

And I have one caveat...anything you are 'stalking' to the point of taking you away from your first love Jesus Christ- can be considered a sin- even something good like the love of a person...or pet as in Raney's case.

Examine. Seek Truth. Allow for God to change you if needed.

This is the Day....

2007-08-03T09:20:00.000-07:00

My pastor growing up would start each sermon(or most anyway) with the phrase: "This is the day the Lord has made, Let us rejoice and be glad in it!"

My sunday school teacher in 11th grade was quite a character and he loved to repeat the phrase when we arrived in his class...

As children we sing the song, "This is the day, this is the day, that the Lord has made, that the Lord has made, etc"

And yet, I find, that it is easy to forget that truth on some days. We either forget that the Lord has had a hand in our day because we just forget, or we don't let him in. Or we forget to rejoice and be glad.

Each day we have on earth is such a gift. Each day has so many hours in it that we can bring God glory, that we can revel in his power, revel in his grace, and sit in His prescence.

Each day- even the days that are dark- have a reason to rejoice. I think about one of the darkest days recorded in the Bible. Luke 23: 44-46:
Around noon the sky turned dark and stayed that way until the middle of the afternoon. The sun stopped shining, and the curtain in the temple split down the middle. Jesus shouted, "Father, I put myself in your hands!" Then he died.

So much grief, so much distress, so much pain for those that were there and didn't know the whole story. But, we do. And we can see the reasons to rejoice on such a dark day- because we know who is the Victor, the one God in complete control.

The darkness showed how much the Father loved- it led to the tearing down of the veil so that we all have access to God, the Father. And we have the greatest example of Jesus- who willingly put himself in His father's hands.

So much truth for us.

Darkness in our life doesn't last forever, and many times it allows us to appreciate the light so much more. That we have access to our Heavenly father ourselves is so incredible amazing! I am so glad I do not have to rely on other humans for my contact with God. And just like Jesus, I want to put myself in my Father's hands on a daily basis.

Not easy by any means. Not easy to put myself under someone else's control, not easy to rejoice in each day, not easy to be glad- but great reminders that God's plan, His purposes, His ways our NOT ours!

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.
As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9

Thank God!

"This is the day the Lord has made, Let us rejoice and Be glad in it!" (Psalm 118:24

God is So Gangsta!

2007-07-31T19:54:00.000-07:00

"God is so gangsta, that is what I love about him"; quote from Jameka, Big Brother 8.
So, I watch a lot of TV with Todd being out of town. That quote got my attention last night. Where did it come from? What does it mean? Why did she choose to compare God to a gangsta? Etc.

Jameka's life is one that many of us do not recognize and one that I cannot really address. But, I will make some assumptions based on her use of the word and the background information we have been given. In her world, gangsters are in charge, rule the roost, and decide the fates. God does resemble that to some degree.

I don't think I am offended, more intrigued that she used the phrase as the highest compliment to God. She was taking something she knows and comparing what she understands about God to her life. In some ways, it is pretty cool. And an interesting catch phrase, "God is so gangsta!" But, God's motivations, thank goodness, are not the same, and nor are his workings.

Gangsters, in my limited understanding, operate for themselves and though they have boundaries or unique rules, their perimeters leak into the illegal, destructive, and and the 'survivor' mentality. The urban dicitionary explains mulitple descriptions of gansta: Notions of community sovereignty and self-determination are the core founding principles that uphold the "gangsta" philosophy. Of course,notions of sovereignty, self-determination, and autonomy are closely tied to the principle of a self-sustaining economy, which in a capitalist context such as the U.S., requires all gangstas to find a way to provide for themselves and for the gangsta unit. The most common resource that is utilized is of course commerce in contraband: illegal drugs, prostitution, and firearms.

However, gangs can provide community, a sense of purpose, and belongin to those who are searching and to those who are left out of the reaches of our Churches. Christianity can provide the same type of commuinity. You only have to look as far as Daybreak Ministry to see that. But, many times, our thoughts do not lead to action in creating community in places that so desperately need it.

God is gangsta in the sense that He is the all in all...He is the ulitmate decision maker, the one true God- the maker of all. But, He, in his ulitmate wisdom, has allowed us to be part of the decisions of our own lives. God in all his power says in Isaiah 46, "Remember this, fix it in mind, take it to heart, you rebels. Remember the former things, those of long ago; I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me. I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come. I say: My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please. From the east I summon a bird of prey; from a far-off land, a man to fulfill my purpose. What I have said, that will I bring about; what I have planned, that will I do(vs. 8-11).

That is what we, as Christians, must hold onto, the Sovereignity of God. God is sovereign, God is in control, God is our purpose, God directs our paths (when we let him in), God is all over the map if we would just allow His will to truly reign in our lives.

Finally, there is another issue with the 'gangsta' mentality. The Urban Dictionary goes on to explain: There is a conflict between those who consider themselves "true to the game" or "true" and those who are "big pimpin" or the "pimps". Each has its own interpretation of the gangsta principles - one that holds the values and foundational principles as absolute and controlling, and those who take a moral relativist approach and seek a favorable outcome on behalf of "gangstas" with little regard for the gangsta process. The not so invisible hand of market forces that exploit the gangsta in a quest to pimp the Americanconsumer is an aberration to those who are true, but a natural consequence and in some ways a vehicle for gangstas to "pimp" the system.

I personally find this conflict very interesting. It is the age old issue of the posers v. the real thing. Christianity has the same issue and Jesus Himself warns against the conflict in Mark 7, 6Jesus replied, "Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites; as it is written: " 'These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. 7They worship me in vain; their teachings are but rules taught by men.'] 8You have let go of the commands of God and are holding on to the traditions of men." 9And he said to them: "You have a fine way of setting aside the commands of God in order to observe your own traditions

So, what does all this mean? What is my point? Not sure. Just found it an interesting thing to think upon.

It definitely encourages me to be true to what my calling is in Christ- separate from the traditions of man, and it reminds me of the power of my God- and there is no other like Him- anywhere, at all.

And it remindes me of the story of Elijah and Mount Carmel. If you don't remember it, take a moment and read it:http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Kings%2018:16-39&version=31

And think about all that you see around you on a daily basis that reminds you that "The Lord is God and there is no other like Him!"

Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise Him, all creatures here below. Praise Him above, ye heav'nly host. Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost. (Doxology- Baptist Hymnal)

Blogging No No

2007-07-31T13:20:00.000-07:00

Blogging No No
I am fixing to do a 'no-no' in blogdom. Even though I am not real sure who makes all these rules that we must all abide by...I just get informed by my husband and others of the etiquette that goes along with blogging. Well, blehsppptsssz! to that!
The Frontline Retreat is coming up and it is all about the Basics. My brother wrote a blog the other day and I am pasting it here....He had some wisdom to share(even though he is much younger and I am much smarter) and I wanted to pass it along. I couldn't have said it better myself.

What God can teach using spilled soup Current mood: contemplative
Ok, I know, weird title, but hang with me. As most of you know, I don't go into work on a normal day until 12:30, and since I could walk to work if I wanted, I usually wake up around 9:45, lay in bed and watch tv till about 11 or 11:30 then I have lunch. At 12, I usually begin getting ready for work. So, last Thursday, I decided to eat some Campbell's chicken-noodle soup for lunch. I'm still dressed for bed, mind you. I pulled the soup out of the microwave, then go to my futon couch to sit down to enjoy my soup. As I sit, my soup spills on my lap and stomach, burning me. I of course went on my typical angry tirade, which turned from being pissed about the soup to my angry expression of my feelings about my current lot in life. How I feel like I'm going nowhere, and I'm not even getting there fast. Well, from that point on, it was as if God decided to prove me wrong about my life. As a lot of you know, I've been talking to a man named Michael Madden out in California who runs a mentor-apprentice program for broadcasters, and I'm wanting to get into the program. Well, I called and left him a voicemail that evening, and he returned my call. We couldn't put me with the original mentor he had in mind for me here in Austin. He said he could look in other outlets, and I agreed. Friday afternoon, he leaves me a message telling me he's found someone who works at the local adult-contemporary station, , and the mentor also knows and is very good friends with Ryan Schue, the program director at KJCE, and she said that if I do well in the program, and if a spot opens up at KJCE, she'll totally go to bat for me with Ryan. Of course, I'm stoked! God knows how to prove me wrong, and I couldn't be happier about it. Yes, God has His own timing on things, but it was as if He was waiting for me to get to my last straw...or noodle. Recently, I've been re-reading a book I first read 4 years ago. I keep buying new copies of it intending on reading it again, and always end up giving it away before I can. It's an amazing book, and I would reccomend it to anyone. The book is Joshua by Fr. Joseph Girzone. for those who don't know, Jesus and Joshua are the same name, Jeshuah (pronounced yeh-SHU-uh) in Hebrew. The concept is what if, between His first coming and His 2nd coming, Jesus visited us again. It's anamazing book that simplified my faith when I first read it. It broke my faith back down to the fundementals, much like that football coach after the huge, spirit-crushing loss. He told his players they were getting back to the fundementals and held up a football saying, "Boys, this is a football." It was as if God was showing me "Ok, Grant, back to the fundementals. This is faith. This is what a relationship with Me is supposed to be." Many of my pretentions and trappings of religiosity faded and melted and burned away, and I grew deeper and gained a zest and zeal for faith that I had lost over the years. Now that I'm reading this book again, it's having a different affect on me. It's giving me a mature peace about faith and deepening my relationship with God.
Same book, same story, but there are details that I missed the first time around that I'm picking up on this time around, and I love it when God does that. There is also a movie based on the novel from Epiphany Films. It changes some of the details of the book, but it's from a Christian point of view, so it keeps the spirit of the original story. At one point, a character in the film who lost her husband to an auto accident, tells Joshua that her life is a mess, picks up a glass vase, and slams it to the ground, thus shattering the piece into a million pieces. "That's my life! And it can't be fixed!" she sobs. When Joshua leaves town, the woman is also leaving town for a new job. She's talking with a priest who tells her before Joshua left, he made something for her. It was a glass figurine of an angel made of those same broken pieces. The priest, Father Pat, says "Amazing! He took a million pieces of broken glass and made something incredible!" Maggie, the woman, adds quietly, "Something whole."
That really got me. I had felt on Thursday, after the soup, that my life was in a million pieces and didn't look like it would be fixed. God's taking my life in a million pieces and is making something whole. I hope this blog inspires some one, at least one person. Just thought I'd share my thoughts, and what God's been doing lately. It really is amazing!

Are you a White Rabbit?

2007-07-27T07:06:00.001-07:00

"I'm late, I'm late for a very important date" And the white rabbit scurries around looking at his watch frantically.

I feel like this many days...and yet my 'dates' are not very important. It is just the everyday schedules that I manage in my life. Now, I say 'manage' but most often it is just trying to get where I am supposed to be with all my little people dressed for what we are supposed to be doing.

Todd is out of town this week and next. Our family has been blessed by relationships and I have been given gifts this week. Sunday- some friends of ours took my children for about 8 hours! Personally, I thought they were crazy- but each to his own. My kids had a wonderful time and I got to take a nap, a long bath , and spend time with Todd before taking him to the airport. Wednesday night a couple of girls in my small group came over after the kids were in bed and brought dinner. I got to have grown up conversation and a grown-up meal. Then yesterday, our same crazy friends picked up my kids in the afternoon, took them to a water park and brought them home for bedtime.

Finally, as you can tell because I have been blogging more consistently, my brain has been resting. I know it sounds goofy- but many days I feel like my brain is full- it cannot take any more noise or sounds. On those days, it is difficult for my to find rest in my Savior and yet, I know, intellectually, that time spent with Him would make it all so much better.

Resting in God is sometimes a hard thing to find. It takes the form of being still and waiting. One of my friends sent me this below.

This focuses on verse Psalm 25:5 guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long and then this from John Phillips Exploring the Psalms "On Thee do I wait all the day." An important principle of guidance is that God is never in a hurry. Often He will make us wait and wait before finally making the path clear. That is where most of us break down; we are impatient so we act without God's guidance and then complain when things go wrong. Often when facing an important decision we will find that everything is cloudy at first. Guidance will come only as we wait. It is Satan who says: "Hurry! Act now! It's now or never! If you miss this you'll miss God's will." Satan guides by impulse; God guides us as we wait. We can liken guidance to a glass filled with cloudy water. If we wait, the sediment will sink to the bottom and the water will become clear. God cannot lead us if we are rushed and hurried, dashing here, there, everywhere - always responding to pressure. David was wanting, willing and waiting to be led. "Lord protect me! Pilot me!"

But resting in God also takes other forms. God's rest and peace comes from within ourselves. It is all about tapping into the resources He provides.
Matthew 11:28-29 explains this: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

It doesn't say he will slow your life down, or remove the burdens placed upon you but it does promise rest for our souls- a refuge. And yet many of us see our time with God as one more obligation, one more thing to do. That is the challenge in our busy lives. Our challenge is to see God as a refuge, a place of peace, a 'filling station'.

I don't have answers on how to make that happen for you- that is your challenge- and I highly doubt it is a 7 step program. Seek God first and all these things will be added unto you....

When I was a child: conclusion

2007-07-26T06:44:00.001-07:00

I really do have a point to this blog. And it is this- our relationship with God is the main attraction. Church, community, mission trips, events, etc. are all the icing on the cake- the spokes of the main hub- intimacy with God.

Being in the ministry- you have the opportunity to visit many different churches. Todd and I have seen a lot of different types of worship, presentation, and ways of doing community. And yet for every one way of doing things we have seen- there are ten more different out there. We have gone to where we are called- and sometimes we have struggled with the formats of the church. At one, we enjoyed community- but struggled with some of the theology, at another we loved the worship but didn't have community, another church created passion for mission and uniqueness but we didn't have consistency and in one we found amazing relationships but found worship in other ways.

I share all this to encourage you to listen to God...and where He is calling you. Your church, your small group, your worship cannot be the all in all for you. God is the only one in our lives that has promised to be unchanged. Hebrews 13:8 says, "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever". Our sin as a Church (Big C) is to rely on humans and not God. The 'drive thru' mentality of Christianity as Todd likes to say. As ministers, lay people, and attendees we all look to other people for our joy, fulfillment, etc. and yet God is truly the only way to satisfy that thirst. Psalm 42 speaks to this so beautifully: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=23&chapter=42&version=31

Our hope is in the Living God. And that is why I share my journey. I couldn't remain in the safety of my youth group forever. What a waste that would have been! And my youth group didn't stay the same. There have been multiple changes in leadership over the years. My experience was not my brother's experience, and so on. Treasure the gifts God has given you in your growth times with your church or community as the catalyst- but do not hold on and remain to the point that God cannot move you forward. Listen to HIS voice...and not your emotions.

Our life in Christ is so much MORE than the local church and community. And yet, I know that that is the vehicle He desires to use to grow us, but we cannot replace our time with him with our time at Church on Sunday.

You may not agree with all of this...I am just sharing my own observations- and also speaking to myself. I loved it when my children were babies and though there are some days that are really hard- I wouldn't wish them to return to that precious time. It is a wonderful memory- a precious memory...and it was for a time- not forever.

McLean and Frontline are changing- community campuses are being created. The stage, the music, the staff are all shifting and moving in the direction the leaders feel God is leading. It is exciting...and at the same time hard. Once again- we are reminded of what Lon says: the church moves forward on its knees. Pray for your church, seek God for yourself- separate from organized church, and listen for His voice.

I close with this passage:
Philippians 3:13-15
13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
15All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you.

When I was a child pt. 2

2007-07-25T06:38:00.000-07:00

1 Corinthians 13:11
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.

I cannot continue to write this blog without recognizing the fact that my life has been rather idyllic. Working with teenagers, young adults, and troubled youth have only emphasized how lucky and blessed I have been in my own life. I share my issues and yet I know for many of you they are not that big of deal in comparison with what you all have gone through. But, I pray that some feeling, some emotion, some aspect of the journey will touch your life and encourage you on your own journey.

I talked to the older girl at college and she gave me some direction on how to make my relationship with God my own. She encouraged me to seek out places where I could be still and see God at work around me...get back in touch with His spirit. I went to the baseball fields at Baylor and parked my car and wrote, I learned to write praise songs within my quiet times (I would have sung them but my voice is not one I enjoy listening to- it sounds much better in my head), I started journaling in a more profilic way, and I stopped trying to attend church.

Oops...is that what she said? Yes. You see, for me, because church had been such a strong part of my life- going to different churches and taking them apart only hindered my walk. Ultimately, I let this go on too long and not being part of a community damaged my intimacy with him...but for a while it was necessary. I needed to find out who JULIE was in Christ.

My last two years at Baylor were a lot of fun...really a great time. But, in the quiet moments, when I was by myself, and when I was in my religion classes, I knew I was neglecting my friend Jesus. When I was growing up the Holy Spirit was described to me as the Jiminy Cricket of Christianity. That was never more true for my life while I was wandering away. I couldn't stray very far without coming face to face with my own sins. I found myself apologizing repeatedly and trying to avoid people who knew me before. I would imagine condemnation on their faces and chalk it up to all Christians being judgmental- blaming them as opposed to facing my own issues.

Sin can be very subtle. The first dabbling- you barely see how it affects you...and then you keep going, and going until it is no longer your issue but everyone else around you. They are judging, they are holier than thou, they are also hypocrites, they should reach out, they, they, they.... What is that old adage- when you are pointing one finger toward someone else- you have four others pointing right back at yourself...and of course the Bible has something to say about this as well:

Matthew 7:3-5
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye

But, God was desiring a relationship with Julie...and I needed to come back to Him. I needed to put away childish things and grow up spiritually.

When I was a Child

2007-07-24T14:38:00.000-07:00

When I was a child...

I was 12 years old and excited to be part of our church's youth group. My parents had taught seventh graders for what seemed like forever and I grew up going to retreats, lock-ins, and wednesday night planning meetings. But, finally it was MY turn! I embraced everything our youth group had to offer and when this new thing called Disciple Now was introduced- I signed up quickly with my best friend Carie and we got a few of our friends to go as well. My seventh grade Sunday School teacher was going to host the house and we were going to stay in the bedroom of a college girl who used to babysit me. Wow! I couldn't wait.
That weekend- in the midst of the laughter, looking at highschool yearbooks and dreaming- as well as playing with our host's paralyzed dog (we loved that he had a little wheelchair!)- my life was changed. I was introduced to quiet times and intimacy with my Heavenly Father, I was taught how to pray, and how to take notes of sermons. I treasured my 'spiral' for many years, getting new ones as the old wore out. I could always tell when I missed my time in the morning with God and I loved making codes for my prayers(since many of them had to do with who I liked at the time) so that I wouldn't be embarassed if someone ever found it like the Diary of Anne Frank.
My time spent in the Youth Group of our church was my training ground. I learned how to put Ephesians 6 and the armor of God into my life. I wasn't perfect by any means- and could tell of the many times I fell short of the mark in bringing God glory- but I still learned so much.
My spiritual life was very safe, organized and structured. It was wrapped up in Sunday morning worship with our choir singing, the various events I attended and invited people, going to lunch after church with my Christian friends, mission trips, youth camp, and reveling in surrounding myself with those who were just like me.
College rolled around. I attended Baylor and within the first month- my whole world was shaking. There was no structure, or organizational church (that I wanted to be a part of), nothing looked like I used to know, I was exposed to different beliefs and was introduced to predestination for the first time as well as christians who 'shacked up', and drank. I used to skip meals on Sundays because I didn't want to go down in my normal clothes and see all the rest dressed up in Sunday clothes. I went sporadically to various churches but no one knew me, or knew my family. I was lost.
I contacted an older girl and talked to her about my feelings of being lost and she talked to me about reconnecting with my God and making Him mine- not my parents or my youth group's. I had to find a way to get to know him- without all the trappings of what I once knew.
It wasn't easy by any means- I have never been known for my disciplined lifestyle so picking my way through was difficult, and foreign.
I Corinthians 13:11
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.....
To be continued.....

Amazing Grace

2007-07-23T14:45:00.000-07:00

There are so many variations of the hymn Amazing Grace. The lyrics were penned in late 18th century by a sailor, John Newton. He was converted after a storm while on a slaving ship and his later life was spent as a strong Christian and abolitionist.
I was listening to a song yesterday on the radio about a prodigal and the phrase 'amazing grace how sweet the sound' was part of the lyrics. That phrase specifically, is one that it used repeatedly in Christian songs or even songs about hope in general. I started thinking about it- it being that grace had a sound. What a strange concept!
Grace for each one of us is unique and specific to our life situation even though the basic concept of it coming from God- and we receive it even when we don't deserve it is the same throughout.
I started thinking about how Grace sounded in my own life. I hear it in the silence of the night when my children sleep. I hear it in their spontaneous laughter. I hear grace in worship when I am reminded of truths regarding God's prescence in my life. I hear it in the sounds of nature. Grace is a sweet sound. It is a sound like no other because it has nothing to do with our own actions.

If you have ever wandered away from the Heavenly Father- and you return- Grace is like rushing wind or a heavy thunderstorm. If you have ever been hurting beyond what you though you could handle- Grace can take many forms- sweet silence, the timely ringing of the phone from a friend, a hug, or even the sounds of the birds in the air. Maybe Grace sounds like the door opening- and seeing someone you love walk through the door when you never thought they would. Or like in the Bible, the sound of grace comes in the running of sandaled feet down a dirt road to a loving father.

Think about it in your own life. What DOES grace sound like for you? How has God manifested Himself in your own life?

Romans 5:16-21 (New Living Translation)
16 And the result of God's gracious gift is very different from the result of that one man's sin. For Adam's sin led to condemnation, but we have the free gift of being accepted by God, even though we are guilty of many sins. 17 The sin of this one man, Adam, caused death to rule over us, but all who receive God's wonderful, gracious gift of righteousness will live in triumph over sin and death through this one man, Jesus Christ. 18 Yes, Adam's one sin brought condemnation upon everyone, but Christ's one act of righteousness makes all people right in God's sight and gives them life. 19 Because one person disobeyed God, many people became sinners. But because one other person obeyed God, many people will be made right in God's sight. 20 God's law was given so that all people could see how sinful they were. But as people sinned more and more, God's wonderful kindness became more abundant. 21 So just as sin ruled over all people and brought them to death, now God's wonderful kindness rules instead, giving us right standing with God and resulting in eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

And for all of us as Christians- Grace sounds like the suffering of our Savior- the amazing sacrifice of Himself to the Will of His Father. The nails being hammered, the cry to His father in Heaven, the last breath, and the sound of an empty tomb. Amazing. Amazing Grace- given to us by a loving God in spite of ourselves.

"Amazing Grace"
Amazing grace, how sweet the soundThat sav'd a wretch like me!I once was lost, but now am found,Was blind, but now I see.
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,And grace my fears reliev'd;How precious did that grace appear,The hour I first believ'd!
Thro' many dangers, toils and snares,I have already come;'Tis grace has brought me safe thus far,And grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promis'd good to me,His word my hope secures;He will my shield and portion be,As long as life endures.
Yes, when this flesh and heart shall fail,And mortal life shall cease;I shall possess, within the veil,A life of joy and peace.
The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,The sun forbear to shine;But God, who call'd me here below,Will be forever mine.
John Newton, Olney Hymns (London: W. Oliver, 1779)

Michelangelo

2007-06-28T14:49:00.000-07:00

Michelangelo
I was watching a show the other night on Michelangelo. It was amazing to see how he made the David Statue. The block of marble he used was one that had been quarried years ago but was not considered of value and had been exposed to the elements for years. But, Michelangelo saw something in the imperfect stone- he saw a masterpiece. I love this quote by him, "In every block of marble I see a statue as plain as though it stood before me, shaped and perfect in attitude and action. I have only to hew away the rough walls that imprison the lovely apparition to reveal it to the other eyes as mine see it."

Last night in my small group, I was struck by this same thought from God's point of view. It is not a new thought or even very deep but something we all need to be reminded of at different times on our journey. God takes our imperfections, our rough walls, the things other people don't find value in and creates a masterpiece- not because of us- but because He is the ulitmate artist. At His hands, with His chisel- we become something astounding.

Putting ourselves in His hands can be the difficult part- releasing ourselves to the artist for Him to form us, refine us, and mold us can be hard, painful and beautiful at the same time.
But, I love that God sees things in us that no one else can see. He knows our hearts, the parts of stone that needs to be worked around, the elements of our life that have created rough walls that have to be carefully hewn. He knows how hard to chisel to create a masterpiece- even breaking off parts if necessary.

Through God's love, through Jesus' sacrifice, through the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives- we are made into something beautiful and of eternal value. Praise be to God that he loves us to keep working on us- that he sees something that only His eyes can see and yet he wants the whole world to see us as he does!
Philippians 1:6
being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
2 Cor. 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

Blessing

2007-06-24T14:50:00.000-07:00

The yearning we have from our parents, our spouses, and our church is to be blessed- unconditional love and acceptance. Many of us can receive that in an earthly fashion but most of us have to rely on the perfection of Christ and the Father God to be the avenue of blessing in our lives. When we receive the Holy Spirit- we receive the Blessing of our heavenly Father.

Ephesians 1:3-6
3 All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. 4 Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. 5 God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. 6 So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son

Galatians 3:14
He redeemed us in order that the blessing given to Abraham might come to the Gentiles through Christ Jesus, so that by faith we might receive the promise of the Spirit.

This is a profound truth. It is a truth that enables us to move forward with success in our lives when we trust the love that Christ's death symbolizes in our lives. God chose US before we were born, God sent his son to die for US before we were born, God knows US, loves US and provides a way for US to live eternally with Him- because we are HIS!

Does this release us from the hurt caused by the lack of earthly blessing in our everyday lives? Most likely no. But, it does give us an amazing alternative to rely upon in the dark hours of feeling unloved, unaccepted, and rejected. God's love is perfect. He made us and knows exactly what we need- and provided it through the sacrifce of His son so that we may have an incredible relationship with Him- as adopted children- chosen for a purpose.

There is a book called The Blessing by Gary Smalley and John Trent. I highly recommend reading it if you feel that you have had the blessing of either of your parents withheld from you.
There are five elements of the Blessing (based on blessings in the Bible):
Meaningful Touch, Spoken Words, Expressing High Value, Picturing a Special Future, Active Commitment

In so many ways- you see evidence of God's example of these five things in the Bible- many expressed through his Son, Jesus Christ.

Parker came home last week from Frontline's Kids Quest with a keychain of verses. I asked him what they were. He told me about one of his teachers that had been told various things like 'she was too short', 'she was ugly', 'she couldn't do things', etc. He said that she made these verses for them to take home, to look at, and remember God's love for them when the world was telling them that they were not good enough. So precious! Parker totally got this concept! I would love to believe that Todd and I's love is enough for him- but I know there are days he doesnt' understand our discipline and feels maligned, that there are definite days when friends cause distress and our words are not enough. BUT- he trusts the truth of the Bible- and he can go to these verses to understand his true value in Christ.
I am going to list them here for you:

You are a beloved child of God! 1 John 3:1
No one can separate you from God's love. Romans 8:39
There is a place for you with Jesus! Hebrews 13:5b, John 14:2-3
God will never condemn you when you belong to Jesus! Romans 8:1
You can come to God with freedom and confidence! Hebrews 10:19
When you ask, Jesus can save you and forgive you for all you ever do wrong. Acts 16:31, 10:43
The Lord has plans to prosper you..He has a hope and future just for you! Jeremiah 29:11
God made you, He created you to belong to Jesus, and has good things planned for you to do! Psalm 129:13-16, John 10:29-30, Romans 8:28
You are chosen by God. You are holy and loved! 1 Peter 2:9

These truths are not just for Parker- but for all of us to be reminded of!

Abba

2007-06-23T14:56:00.000-07:00

Romans 8:15
You didn't receive a spirit that makes you a slave to fear once again. Instead you received the Holy Spirit, who makes you God's child. By the Spirit's power we call God "Abba." Abba means Father.

I was, and I am lucky. I have a father that makes God approachable, loving, and always there. My earthly father is someone you can always count on. When I was little and scared in the middle of the night- he was willing to check all the doors and then come to rub my back until I settled down. When Sundays rolled around- he set the example of being excited to go to church. My father wanted to hug me when I didn't want to be hugged. He longed to be with me even when I was being a tacky teenager. He took me on my first date and set my expectations high. All my friends loved him.

Of course, my dad has his faults. But, overall, our family is so very lucky to have his wisdom, his loving nature, his spiritual leadership, and his goofiness as part of our lives.

I started realizing that not everyone was as lucky as I was when I was in the 5th grade. Many of my friends lived only with their moms and their dads were a distant prescence in their lives. Sometimes it bugged me the way they clamored for my dad's attention. But, since my parents worked with youth at our church- I had realized the value of a dad's prescences in childrens' lives.

Parker has a friend right now that is fixing to go spend 6 weeks with his father. He has started wetting his pants periodically as the date for him to leave grows closer. He is so very excited to see his father- but there is anxiety there as well.

Todd and his father. So much there over the years. Pain, Joy, Suffering, Rejection, Longing, Confusion, and Love. Todd's father was absent from the time Todd was born. Over the years- he would move in and out of Todd's life. There were times he wouldn't show up and Todd would be sitting at the window waiting. There were times that he would black out his return address to spite Todd's mother- but what it really did was hurt Todd.

After Todd became a Christian- he chased down his father on the first Father's Day of his Christian life. They talked, reconnected, and started building a relationship. After Todd graduated from college his dad sent Todd his old rolex watch to celebrate the occasion.
Over the years since then, Todd's athiest dad has been a part of our lives. He is a wanderer. Since I met him, he has lived all over the world doing various things. We never knew when we would see him or talk to him but always welcomed him. Todd and He took some cool trips together and Todd treasured the time with his Dad. This past February Todd received an email from his father basically disowning him. He blamed Christianity for the break, he claimed we didn't want him around our children, and all sorts of random statements. Todd tried to combat the arguments with frustration, other arguments to contradict his father's claim, and unconditional love and acceptance. None of that worked. Ultimately Todd's dad asked for his watch back since it represented a father son relationship that they no longer had. Todd truly felt like his legs had been kicked out from underneath him. He has offered to buy the watch from his dad so that Parker will not be hurt by the situation since Parker thinks it will one day be his. We haven't heard anything.

It was so painful to watch. No one had any answers for Todd. We had conversations that Todd did not remember. In many ways- he limped through life for about 4 weeks. It was just too big for him to deal with. In many ways, it still is.

The ONLY saving grace in this whole thing is that God is a FATHER! Not only does he provide a Savior for us through his son- He acts as a Father in our lives. I encouraged Todd to seek out scriptures to reconnect to God as a Father. Let God be the perfect Father. And yet, we all have a longing for an earthly father that loves and accepts us as the Heavenly Father does- even with the discipline that comes with being a child of God.

This blog is unfinished...we will see what happens along this journey