Cantankerous Bath

If my life was a school house rock video (does that date me?), it would be kinda funny right now. It would have some little catchy ditty being sung in the background with a little girl diving into a bath of bubbles- bathing suit on- and as the bubbles floated into the air, they would pop and the word 'cantankerous' would pop out of each bubble. And the girl would be playing in the bath with all the cantankerous bubbles, getting more and more cantankerous because she refuses to get out of the bath.

Do you get the picture? I am cantankerous this week. I could blame it on the weather, on my schedule, on my kids, on pretty much anything- but that wouldn't be completely true. Because it is coming from inside. And I am choosing to revel in my cantankerous nature. I could let it go, but I don't want to. Nothing fits here like a good sticking out the tongue at life.

I am homesick for Texas- it happens every year as the leaves start to change. Something that is so beautiful to many- heralds the advent of snow- ehhh! and cold weather- ayahhh! and layers of clothes- bleh! I was just home for a wedding this past weekend and I was sad to leave.

My grandmother is fading. She is, and has always been, such a presence in my life. My mother called me this week and she is moving my grandmother from the nursing home to her house. I long to be there and sit by my grandmother- and laugh with she and my mother. There is something precious about generations of women.

My son. Oh, how I love him. But, his attitude STINKS! He is finding church and anything of God to be something he doesn't want to do. He is rude to those around him, and Todd and I struggle to get through to him. He really doesn't get how close he is to being completely sequestered so he can realize what is truly important- and it is NOT Halloween, Guitar Hero, watching questionable shows, or playing with his friends.

I sleep and dream of beaches, the ocean sounds, and peace. I wake up to chaos, and complaining kids, and making sure backpacks are filled. Todd asks me, "Why are you frustrated?" and I answer, "I am not frustrated, just grumpy."

I take on stress that isn't my own- asking Todd, "How do you deal with such and such? How come this doesn't frustrate you? Am I crazy? And he says to pray. PRAY! Can you believe he can be so insensitive???

And yet....I hear the truth in his words. Because I know all these external frustrations are just external. And God's peace starts within. I hate it when I come to a place in my life and have to re-adjust....AGAIN. So, I start trying to go back through my week and hear God in the midst.

Flying home and sitting next to a man from Nigeria and talking about how every small drop in the bucket is worth it for Africa. Because, if you have lots of drops- ultimately- at some point the bucket will overflow.

Seeing my son cheer on one of his baseball teammates that usually drives him nuts. While the rest of his team wrestled on the bench, Parker was at the fence encouraging Brady.

Having Raney refuse a special treat unless I bought one for Katherine and Parker.

Having Sweetie the cat curl up beside me and purr.

Going to brunch with a special woman and hearing her own struggles with her son- who is someone we totally admire. It keeps things in perspective and allows me to hope.

Having Katherine's teacher tell us there are no worries, no concerns, that Katherine is doing exceptional at school and is a pleasure teach.

Thinking about my Grandmother laughing with my mother over America's Funniest Home videos. The memory and thought of her laughter carries me.

Arriving home and driving straight to Frontline from the airport and getting there just in time to hear Todd talk about our relationship and how 'profound' our marriage is. Warm fuzzies all around.

Hearing Steven Curtis Chapman's song about wanting to "make much of you Jesus" and thinking how true, how inspiring, and such a good reminder.

And like I am trying to teach Parker- I am needing to realize myself. The only things that last are what we do for God- and everything we do, should be for HIS glory. Focusing only on the eternal and not getting lost in what is temporary. Getting out of the cantankerous bath- and going on about my day, being of good cheer, rather than diving in and playing with cantankerous bubbles.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.