I got out of the shower and heard my children fighting in the distance. But, rather than facing being the arbitrator in one more ridiculous argument, I turned on the blow dryer to drown out their sounds. My thoughts were repetitive: "Why me?" "Why can't they just get along for more than thirty minute increments?" "I just want them to be quiet!" and the always-effective silent scream in my head, "AGGHHH!"
Suffering. You might think that I don't know what true suffering actually is...and you might even be right. However, we all experience different types of sufferings in various seasons of life. For a stay at home mother- I can tell you- these kinds of days are truly days of suffering. They are the kind of days that give feet to the song, "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to".
Recently, in my studies of the Gospel of John as well as Nancy Guthrie’s One Year Book of Hope, I have come to the understanding that it is okay to sit down and weep, to cry out, to have a pity party...as long it is for a short time. Jesus is present even in those seemingly senseless times of pain.
He is Savior, Lord, and Messiah. But, He is also Friend, Father, the Good Shepherd and the Great High Priest.
I was watching one of my very favorite TV shows, Friday Night Lights. One of the star players had his hopes dashed regarding his future college plans. His wonderful mother came in and offered one of those phrases that seem rather trite but are stuffed full of truth. She said, "I know Whitmore wasn't your dream, but when a door closes, God opens a window. He don't ever fumble the ball-He always gets a touchdown- that is God's plan". And I thought, "Wow... that is so true."
Sorrow. Grief. Suffering. The ending of dreams, the realization that fantasy doesn't match reality, and the experience of weeping by yourself when no one is around- But God's plan and His sovereignty reigns.
Jesus, even knowing what was going to happen with Lazarus still understood loss and comforted the people in their sorrow and yet pointed them to the truth found in Him.
John 11
33When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. 34"Where have you laid him?" he asked. "Come and see, Lord," they replied. 35Jesus wept. 40Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?" 41So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, "Father, I thank you that you have heard me. 42I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me."
God's touchdown. It may not come about in a play you recognize, understand or even appreciate at the time...but He still comes. He comes to wrap His arms around you, sharing in your sorrow and guiding you to His truth.
During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered
Hebrews 5:7-8
Jesus gave us an example...we can learn obedience in the midst of suffering. Following and hearing God with reverent submission.
My favorite truth of sorrow or suffering is the gift of the Holy Spirit. Guthrie says, "The Holy Spirit is God loving you up close, drawing near to you, living inside you...He brings conviction of sin, but he also brings comfort in distress" (One Year Book of Hope, pg. 25). And when you cannot pray due to numbness, frustration, grief, or heartache- the Holy Spirit is there to intercede for you:
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. Romans 8:26-27.
Sometimes you might even be expressing "trust more out of a desire to trust than a confession of the reality of {your} souls" (One Year Book of Hope, pg. 29).
Thoughts?
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1 comment:
Wow, what a powerful and much needed reminder! Thanks for summarizing God's presence even in the lowest valleys in such a touching way. I just subscribed to your blog recently, and of course, thanks to God's all-encompassing grace and timing, the first blog you post is exactly what I need to hear.
I am struggling with a recurring disease, and the implications this has not only on my physical life and life style, but also on my spiritual life. It can be so hard to hold on to God's promises in times of deep distress, which is why it is so important to "never forget in the darkness what we learn about Him in the light". Also, it takes you back to surrender and obedience...accepting brokenness (in whatever way - physcial, mental, spiritual) as a reality that acknowledges God's sovereignty in our lives.
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