My young son was walking up the stairs talking to one of his friends. I could hear their conversation clearly and though I wasn’t eavesdropping, I don’t think Parker would have appreciated knowing that I was listening.
“How do you get to have more phone calls to her cell phone?” asked Parker’s friend Matthew.
“If I am nice to her and do what she says I can earn more phone calls, “ Parker replied.
Are you kidding me? Parker is trying to EARN the ability to make phone calls to a girl?
I didn’t confront him at that time but the thought of my eight-year-old son being manipulated really frustrated me.Parker is discovering girls. And he is enjoying the discovery very much. As parents, it is hard to stand by and not do anything to stop the journey. I am realizing that the many hang-ups we receive are little girls calling. Star 69 and caller ID are such wonderful inventions.
Parker still likes to use the standard elementary party line that ‘he doesn’t like girls’ but Todd and I watch him get wrapped around the axle regarding a few of the girls in his class, not knowing what to do with all the feelings he has especially because the girls are interfering with his other boy relationships. The girls are dividing the boys and inserting themselves into their business. Todd would definitely say that I still do this and it is not regulated to just 3rd grade girls!
I have to tell you that I have been surprised by how aggressive the young girls can be. I have heard the same thing from my other Christian friends with sons in high school. Boys don’t have to work very hard to get what they want…the girls are making themselves available- manipulating situations, parents, rules, and the boys themselves to be in control. They are offering themselves- wholeheartedly- and our young men find it very hard to always be the one to say ‘no’.
In my opinion these characteristics are prime examples of what is going wrong with leadership in the church and home. Boys are failing to become the leaders that they were intended to be because women who do not allow them to lead surround them.
Uh, oh…I can already hear many of you freaking out.
Women do not have to push overs, allowing men to walk all over them- but we do need to learn to step back sometimes. I would use the term ‘stand down’ allowing for the men in our lives to ‘stand up’.
While doing a Beth Moore bible study years ago, I came across a scripture that has stayed with me. Acts 13:49-50:
"The word of the Lord spread through the whole region. But the Jews incited the God-fearing women of high standing and the leading men of the city. They stirred up persecution against Paul and Barnabas, and expelled them from their region."
You see, when the Jews wanted to get Paul and Barnabas out of town- they not only went to the male leaders- but also to the women. Women have influence and can be the cause of stirring up things that are not of God. So can men…but….
After talking to Todd about this whole issue, I understand I don’t have all the answers. I desire to raise my daughters to be strong, independent women after God’s own heart. I want them to wait until the phone rings, I want them to demand respect, courtesy and Godly leadership from the men they meet, and I think that is easier to accomplish in this day and age than for Todd and I to raise our son to be the leader God desires him to be. We fear that if he never has to put forth effort- then where will his passion come from?
I don’t want to have the gender relationships regress to women becoming property of no value- but I desire there to be more balance in our culture. And if our culture refuses to change, then our churches still need to.
I completely understand that many of the young girls are just looking for some type of affirmation because many of them come from homes without male influence, leadership or even presence.
So, where do we stop the cycle? How? Why? Why do women make up most of the volunteer base in most churches? Why do so many women attend church by themselves or with just their children? Why is there a vacuum of Godly Christian male leadership?Any ideas?
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3 comments:
WOW, that is a awesome article. I as a MAN after GODs heart, and a husband and possibly some day a father understand and feel this pain. I grew up in a semi-christian home of divorced parents. I grew up with my mother and sister, and the majority of my friends were women growing up.
Now, that I am married I struggle daily to stand up an to be a strong biblical leader. I struggle daily to discover what it is that a MAN of GOD should be, and how he is to be to his wife. I thank GOD daily for my wife, who herself is a very strong person. She reminds me daily that she "could" do it on her own, but she desires me to STAND UP and take the lead in our home. I still struggle with taking the lead as it is not my personality but GOD has given me the example in the submissive strength of my wife to be the GOD fearing servant leader that is needed in our marriage.
Thank you for your article, I hope and pray that people see the issue as I do. MEN are to be the leader only in the example of CHRIST to the church. Women CAN be strong in their attitudes and feelings as long as there is a heart of respect to your husband, boyfriend etc to cause him to rise up in GOD.
God Bless,
David "Digital Pure" McDougal
You've asked a question that many of us who have been Christians a long
time have asked but unfortunately haven't answered. Things are so out of
balance today. Women of all ages are caught between trying to be the
big important executive or leader, the "superior" in everything while
still having such low self esteem that they throw themselves at men
trying to find one that will make them feel valued. Many teenage girls
don't have fathers who value them so they look for boys to do that and
they offer everything to get that, they don't understand that it gets
just the opposite. Unfortunately this carries into their adult lives,
it's not just teenage girls. Too many boys have no fathers to teach
them how to value girls and there are no fathers in the homes who love
their mothers and teach them what that means. But we know this, this
isn't a new problem. It seems so overwhelming to those of you with young
children just beginning to walk through this time with them. I have
grandchildren and am greatly concerned, I find myself wanting to shelter
them and keep them close. We have adults in counseling to try to
overcome the loss they feel from not having the care and love as a
child. We've been talking about this for many years and looking to
someone else to be the solution. But we have the answer, we know what
we have to do, we just don't do it. The book of Proverbs tells us to
"train up a child in the he should go and when he is old he will not
depart from it" and then we're told by Paul in Titus 2 "you must teach
what is in accordance with sound doctrine...the older men to be
temperate, worthy of respect, self controlled and sound in faith, love
and endurance....the older women to be reverent in the way they live,
not slanderers or addicted to much wine but teach what is good. THEN
they can teach the younger women to ... (live as they should) and men
similarly encourage young men to be self-controlled. In everything SET
AN EXAMPLE BY DOING WHAT IS GOOD. In your teaching show INTEGRITY,
SERIOUSNESS AND SOUNDNESS OF SPEECH THAT CANNOT BE CONDEMNED..... and it
goes on and on. This has not been happening for a long time and we
definitely see consequences in these young girls and boys as well as our
adults. So, Julie, you are absolutely right, we are failing as a church
(not your church or my church, but as the Church). We have to stop
looking for others to solve these problems and remember that the church
is made up of you and me, of men and women and parents, it's not
somebody else, it's us. So what do we do about it? What is a place we
can start? Become women and men who fear the Lord (look it up, search
all the places it appears and you'll see what that means) and to coin a
phrase "just do it" - with our families, our friends, our churches,
those that the Lord has around us to live out what Christ has already
worked in, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness,
faithfulness and self control in a way that teaches them what is right.
We can call it mentoring, we can call it discipleship, it doesn't matter
what we call it we just need to do it. It's a slow process but it is a
sure process. When each of us as individual Christians makes the
fundamental choice to fear the Lord and walk in His way, then and only
then, will things begin to change
I could not agree with you more. As the mother of a high school junior, I can say that the only girlfriends he has had in high school were girls that "came on" to him. They called, they came by, they invited him out; not the other way around. They were very forward, to the point of being pushy. It can be overwhelming as a parent to trust your children to use their best judgment when there is so much pressure - but it will only be two more years until he's out of the house. My rules are stricter than his friends and I think that has been one of the things that has helped to hold him most accountable.
One major issue I have is with the church and younger women's clothing. I can't count the number of times I have been in church and seen young women and teens in clothing that is completely inappropriate. We need to teach modesty to the girls/women in our church ~ and it might not hurt to let them know that they can be stumbling blocks if they do not choose to dress respectfully.
Just a few thoughts...
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