Undivided Heart- Suffering

Psalm 86:11
Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.

My son ran past me with tears running down his face. The door slammed behind him. I paid the doctor bill, grabbed Raney's hand and followed Parker out to the car. He was sitting in the back seat kicking the seat in front of him and crying. I put Raney in her booster chair, and went around to my seat. As soon as I got in the car, Parker started screaming out his frustrations. I stopped him, and then he just started crying really hard.

The doctor had just told Parker that he didn't need to run anymore. We are having trouble with some joint issues and pain in Parker's legs, hips, and feet. We haven't discovered why, or how and we are trying to chase down the issue by visiting various doctors. Last November, Parker ended up in the emergency room because both his knees were swollen, he couldn't walk, and he was running fever. It quickly went away with the right medication- but we still haven't found the cause and have gotten mixed diagnoses. We have ruled out any life threatening issues (praise God!)- it just about finding the source of the pain at this point.

Since then, Parker has had various pain, stiffness but never the swollen joints or fever. In the last few weeks, the pain has progressed to every other day and one day he had trouble walking without crying because of pain in his feet.

You have to understand Parker. He is full of life, energy, and competition. He wants to do what his friends are doing, he wants to play baseball, run, and be a rough and tumble boy. At school, they are doing a mileage contest. For every five miles they run, they receive a plastic foot to put on a chain. You would think these little feet were diamonds the way the want to get them. Parker spends his recess running laps. He has two feet already. But....his pain has been increasing and he has gone to the nurse at school and had trouble when he got home.

Parker couldn't wait to play baseball this season. The first practice- he got to be catcher! What fun! That position comes with accessories...and Parker loved it! But...when he got home- his knees were hurting very badly and he had trouble sleeping.

So, my son was crying in the car on the way home from the doctor. I calmed him down. As he was crying, this is what he was saying, "Why is this happening to me? I have to be able to run, this isn't fair! What about Katherine and Raney- they don't like to run as much as me." And finally, "Doesn't God see that I am hurting?"

Wow! How many times have we all felt that at one time or another. Doesn't God see we are hurting?

I talked to Parker. I told him that God does see that he is hurting- but we don't always understand how and why God works the way he does- but we do know that God has a plan. I shared with him about Paul:

2 Corinthians 12:7-10
To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I shared with Parker that we didn't exactly know the source of Paul's weakness...and that though he had asked God to remove it- God had a reason for the suffering. I told Parker that we needed to rejoice that it wasn't a life or death issue. And I told him, that God was there for him in the midst of his pain. That Parker needed to find some way to be content within the circumstances he was experiencing- waiting on God.

I have to admit, this didn't go very far to assure my eight year old son. It was too deep, too hard, too distant for him to comprehend. He doesn't care that if he damages his joints now, he might not walk as an old man- he wants to run, play baseball and get those darn plastic feet! But, as a parent, I have to take every opportunity to teach the truth...repeatedly. A second opinion the next day allows him to run unless there is pain- but Parker has a hard time regulating that...so we will see.

His experience, and mine as his parent, reminds me that to be undivided with God- we must find a way through the pain, suffering, hurt, and distress that happens in life- to stay close to our Heavenly Father. Cry out, be honest with God- but seek him through it all. God has the lid of the puzzle box- seeing the whole picture- we can just see the various pieces as he reveals them one by one. His goal is to make us more like him- for HIS glory.

And there is hope in the midst of the suffering. Romans 5:3-5- Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Does this hope mean that everything will be okay and solved like we want? No. It means we already have the hope living inside of us- the hope of Christ is the gift of eternal life and all that a life with him entails- including the suffering. The hope is not that it goes away according to our desires- but that God will work through our suffering, using it for His glory, shaping us according to His plan- so that we are more like Him, serving Him.

I hate that my son is in pain. Any parent hates to see their child suffer. Don't you think God sees it and hurts with us as well? But, we must trust, and continue to follow the commandments of God.
James 5:10-11
Brothers, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.
1 Peter 5:10
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

Mercy Me's Song- Bring the Rain
I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain
I am yours regardless of the clouds that may loom above because you are much greater than my pain you who made a way for me suffering your destiny so tell me whats a little rain

Holy, holy, holy Holy, holy, holy
is the lord God almighty
is the lord God almighty
I'm forever singing