When I was a child pt. 2

1 Corinthians 13:11
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.

I cannot continue to write this blog without recognizing the fact that my life has been rather idyllic. Working with teenagers, young adults, and troubled youth have only emphasized how lucky and blessed I have been in my own life. I share my issues and yet I know for many of you they are not that big of deal in comparison with what you all have gone through. But, I pray that some feeling, some emotion, some aspect of the journey will touch your life and encourage you on your own journey.

I talked to the older girl at college and she gave me some direction on how to make my relationship with God my own. She encouraged me to seek out places where I could be still and see God at work around me...get back in touch with His spirit. I went to the baseball fields at Baylor and parked my car and wrote, I learned to write praise songs within my quiet times (I would have sung them but my voice is not one I enjoy listening to- it sounds much better in my head), I started journaling in a more profilic way, and I stopped trying to attend church.

Oops...is that what she said? Yes. You see, for me, because church had been such a strong part of my life- going to different churches and taking them apart only hindered my walk. Ultimately, I let this go on too long and not being part of a community damaged my intimacy with him...but for a while it was necessary. I needed to find out who JULIE was in Christ.

My last two years at Baylor were a lot of fun...really a great time. But, in the quiet moments, when I was by myself, and when I was in my religion classes, I knew I was neglecting my friend Jesus. When I was growing up the Holy Spirit was described to me as the Jiminy Cricket of Christianity. That was never more true for my life while I was wandering away. I couldn't stray very far without coming face to face with my own sins. I found myself apologizing repeatedly and trying to avoid people who knew me before. I would imagine condemnation on their faces and chalk it up to all Christians being judgmental- blaming them as opposed to facing my own issues.

Sin can be very subtle. The first dabbling- you barely see how it affects you...and then you keep going, and going until it is no longer your issue but everyone else around you. They are judging, they are holier than thou, they are also hypocrites, they should reach out, they, they, they.... What is that old adage- when you are pointing one finger toward someone else- you have four others pointing right back at yourself...and of course the Bible has something to say about this as well:

Matthew 7:3-5
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye

But, God was desiring a relationship with Julie...and I needed to come back to Him. I needed to put away childish things and grow up spiritually.