Crisis of Belief

I have been reading a book called The Persecutor by Sergei Kourdakov. (Other versions were published under Forgive me, Natasha). During the late 1960s and early 1970s he worked for the Russian police in terrorizing Christians- beatings, stalkings, and even the deaths of Christians were done under his leadership. However, through witnessing the faith of those he hurt, he came to know Jesus. Ultimately, he escaped to America and traveled speaking about his faith until he was shot under mysterious circumstances in 1973. He was 21 years old. It is a book that has caused me to look at my own faith and wonder how my faith would stand in the face of persecution.



I wanted to know more about Sergei and those mentioned in his book, so I went to the internet. I found a Christian woman who had also read the book when she was young and as she got older, she decided to do a documentary on the book. Supposedly, it was a fascinating journey for her as she started out just trying to trace Sergei's life but ultimately ended up investigating the claims made in the book. It brought her to a crisis of faith as she realized that much of the book was fiction. The documentary, first based on Sergei, ends up being a witness to the heartbreaking journey of this young women as she comes to terms with truth and her own faith in Christ. The documentary is called, Forgive me, Sergei, and I have been trying to track down a way to view the documentary.



My whole point of this blog, however, is to remind us that our faith will always have those moments of crisis. Many times they come when we have been heartbreakingly disappointed. We come to realize that those we looked up to in our faith- are just sinful humans like we are. We see leaders fall into sin and their dramatic fall has an echoing impact throughout other lives. We have to pick up pieces of children or adults who have been hurt by those in Christian leadership or their Christian parents. We are forced to defend church, our faith, and Jesus. And in the quiet, hopefully, we turn to the Bible...and to our own faith, trying to find answers.

God's word says in Romans 3: What if some were unfaithful? Does their faithlessness nullify the faithfulness of God? By no means! Let God be true though every man be false...

You see, God's truth, His faithfulness, His love, His justice- are never dependent on humans. Instead- they stand alone. He is the Alpha...and the Omega.

However, many of us, allow our attention and focus to be moved from God to a human- whether parent, friend, mentor, leader or pastor. And we are disappointed. And we, ourselves, disappoint others. Because we are sinful. And we need a Savior. To rescue us. To redeem us.


What we need to understand is that all crises are opportunities for us to grow in our own faith. We mature a little each time we are faced with a crisis. If we continue to press on, we grow. We return to the basics and the truth found in scripture. We re-aquaint ourselves with a strong, yet compassionate Savior. We spend time in the book of John- following Jesus' footsteps and we let all falseness fall away. We seek comfort in Psalms and thumb through worn out devotionals.

Personally, through my Christian journey, I have realized there are patterns in my walk. Just like in the Bible- (one of my teachers called it the Jewish Sin Cycle)- the Israelites come to know God in His pursuit of them, there is a honeymoon time, they are tested, some of the time- they are found wanting, they fall, and then God restores them. Do you see that in your own life?

I go back to Experiencing God and the seven realities, truths, steps of faith:
1. God is always at work around us
2. God pursues us- His children
3. God invites us to join Him in HIS work
4. God speaks to us through the Bible, the Holy Spirit, other people and circumstances
5. We go through a Crisis of Belief
6. We make major adjustments to our understanding of God based on HIS truth
7. We come to know God more, we mature a little more

Where are you? Are you in a crisis of belief? Are you joining God where you see Him working? Are you in the process of making major adjustments to your life? When you look at your well of faith- is it deepening or evaporating in the midst of crisis? Do you run or turn to God? Or do you do a little of both?

Whatever action or circumstance you find yourself in right now- there is always hope. You stop. You be still. You listen. You confess. You re-engage with the Savior, you return to His truth, and you allow God to reaffirm your place with Him, allowing God to move in to every part of your life and re-establish Himself as Ruler- on the the throne.

I hear Todd all over this blog. One of his favorite verses to use when he talks of struggling to find faith is the father in Mark 9: 24 Immediately the boy's father cried out and said, "I do believe; help my unbelief.

That is what we need to do in times of testing or crises. We look up to heaven and we cry out, "I believe you can do anything God! Help me with any doubt remaining to truly follow you! Wherever you lead!"

Unconditional Love

Memories stand the test of time. There are memories that move in our minds like slide shows and others that are moving pictures. Sometimes the memories come in response to emotions, others to words that we read, and some others are just flashes.

One memory of mine has stayed with me over the years. I was in highschool and upset about something. Isn't it funny- I don't remember the reason- I just remember what happened after. I was closed off and numb, hurting. My parents saw this...and what I remember is my dad coming to me in the kitchen of our house and asking for me to hug him. His arms were open to me- but I was closed to him.

I shook my head to say 'no' with tears streaming down my face. So my dad moved towards me and wrapped his arms around me. My arms were crossed inside of his hug- but his arms were open and surrounding me. My tears continued to fall. I was so NOT wanting to respond. There was a part of me that resented his love and yet I felt comforted.

This memory comes periodically in my life when I think about unconditional love. My dad's love and comfort was not dependent on my response to him- but only because he wanted to love me. To love me...

I know I was hurting my dad by not responding to his love- I wanted to hold onto my pain and I wasn't sure how to make it end.

I look back at that experience now and wonder- if I had opened my arms to his love wouldn't I have felt even more loved? even more comforted? But, there are many days we fight the very love that holds us.

Such a beautiful picture of our Saviour's love for us. It is just there for our asking. There is a song out now called "By Your Side" that has the words, "Please don't fight the hands that are holding you"- and I totally relate to that concept!

There are just some days we fight the love that God has for us. There are a myriad of reasons- but the truth we need to hold onto and work towards is that God's love is truly unconditional and will be there- even when we turn away from it. But, our life would be so much more abundant if we don't fight it- if we allow God to love us, to mold us, to move us toward being more like Him. If we allow God to comfort us, maybe our pain wouldn't last so long. Wow- God is so amazing!

Dear Mom and Dad

Dear Mom and Dad,

Today I took Parker and Katherine to the Orthodontist. I walked in there full of dreams of beautiful teeth for my children and walked out realizing I would not be getting a new car for a while- since beautiful teeth cost a car payment- especially with multiple kids. So, I thought I would write a letter and tell you both 'thank you'. Thank you for taking me to the orthodontist for many years and sacrificing. As my children continue to grow- I am realizing that sacrifice is what you guys did for so many years. You sacrificed for me...because you loved me. You made things look so easy...and yet I know now- that parenting is NOT easy.

Raney talks ALL the time! I think to myself, "no other kid can talk this much!" And then you tell me that I did. Wow! And I never felt like you were tuning me out- I always felt that you wanted to listen to anything I wanted to say- you must have had parenting superpowers to listen and listen and listen.

We have been going out to eat ever so often in actual restaurants- I started to realize my kids thought eating out was driving up to a window. We wanted to teach them how to behave in a restaurant- manners and all that jazz. And then the bill came?!!? Did you really take us to lunch EVERY Sunday? Again- sacrifice.

It kinda freaks me out when my kids ask hard questions- how did you know the answers? How did you make feel so safe? How did you hug me all the time? With three kids- I can get rather 'touched out'. Your arms were always open to me. Thank you.

And that whole getting us dressed every Sunday and going to church by 8:30am! Wow- hard work! It might make you feel better that we fight on the way to church too- I think a lot of families do. Satan is alive and well in the cars of many on the way to church.

I am already starting to freak out about our kids driving...and dating...and being responsible for their own homework and tests. How did you do it all? I really admire you guys and I am so grateful for your example in my life.

It is not all hard- the joys outweigh the sacrifice...so I get it..but it can be really hard. Playing games, laughing, wrestling, working through issues, praying together, talking about God- a family. It still surprises me that I am old enough to be at this stage in life. Where did time go?

Parker threw a ball yesterday and broke a window in our neighbor's house. He came in and told us immediately- and was so proud of himself- even knowing he was going to be paying for it. We were proud of him even though frustrated. I learned by you guys that 'there is always something'- you don't just coast through life.

Katherine is a little nurturer. Raney got hurt the other night and I wasn't there. Todd was kinda freaking out- so Katherine became the little mommy helping Raney get the band-aids. So cute! I love watching her grow up.

The other day driving with Raney we saw a clearing that used to be covered in trees. Her amazement was overwhelming. She innocently asked, "Wow- Mom, did the beavers do that?" Her imagination shines through and even though my ears get tired- I want her to stay little.

Just a little glimpse into what has been going on in our lives. Thank you for everything...and I do mean EVERYTHING!

I love you,

Julie

Just Jesus

My job was to bring 24 small water bottles to Raney’s class for a party. I was afraid that if I bought them too far in advance- they would mysteriously disappear in the hands of the many and various children that come through my doors on any given day. My children love to provide water to the masses for some reason. So, I waited until the day of the party went to the store closest to my house and lo and behold- the shelves were bare!

There was water with raspberry, lemon and other flavors; there was water with electrolytes, added vitamins, and fluoride. There was boxed water with light sugar added for flavor and all other such nonsense. However, I could not find JUST WATER.

All of the sudden- a quote came to mind from earlier in the week. I had read it within my precepts class and the lesson God was teaching me reverberated in my head. This is the quote:
Who will honor God by treasuring His every word- especially over the words of human beings? O Beloved, woe to you if you have time for the writings of humans and not the writings of God. Kay Arthur (Isaiah Precepts- Lesson 4)

Maybe you don’t get distracted throughout your week by the creations of humans- whether it is music, written words or video- but I do. I was struck by the failure to find JUST WATER…and JUST JESUS not always being enough for me struck me. Sometimes I do my Bible study SO THAT I can read other stuff without guilt. Wow! So convicted…. The Bible is my speed bump to the rest of the road? How backwards is that?

Throughout the Bible we find references to thirst, hunger, and water in regards to the satisfaction found in Jesus/God/our relationship with Him. A profound example is when Jesus talks to the Woman at the Well (John 4). He doesn’t offer her anything except the Living Water-, which is Himself. It was enough for her…is it enough for me?

On the last and most important day of the festival, Jesus stood up and shouted, "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink! John 7:37

Matthew Henry says this about John 7:37- “If any man desires to be truly and for ever happy, let him apply to Christ, and be ruled by him. This thirst means strong desires after spiritual blessings, which nothing else can satisfy.”

People who make the water products today add all these extra things to make the water more palatable- ‘easier to go down’ so to speak. I think many of us Christians and Churches today do the same thing. We worry that teachings of Jesus and God are not enough- we have to make them exciting- adding elements that may or may not enhance people’s understanding of Jesus.

I would challenge us to think about this over the next few days or weeks. Is Jesus enough? Why or why not?

Dwell on God’s word, sit and be still listening for Just Jesus- blocking all other ‘enhancers’ so that you are able to hear God’s voice without all the other distractions. There is peace to be found when we realize that all our satisfaction can truly be found in JUST JESUS, we only have to reach for Him.

Not a Sermon, just a itty bitty Thought

Parker has his first EVER basketball practice today. We are making our rounds through the sports- we have tried soccer, baseball and lacrosse. So far, soccer and lacrosse are the winners, but he is really excited about playing basketball.

We went last night to buy basketball shoes. Parker was immediately drawn to the most expensive. I told him he could try all of them on- but just because it was expensive didn't mean it was the best. I could tell he didn't believe me.

He cracked me up. He would put on the shoes and do this little 'run, jump stop, run' routine. After the 6th shoe, I asked him what he was doing. He informed me that he was waiting to see which one squeaked like real basketball players.

So funny! He wanted the most expensive shoes, and he wanted them to squeak like 'real' basketball players and yet, Parker had never even been to a basketball practice!

I told him that the 'squeaking' would come with a real basketball floor, and also after he had actually learned some drills. He then reluctantly admitted that the shoes on sale were the most comfortable. Life lessons.

Isn't that often what we do in our Christian walk, journey, experience? So often, we look to those with more experience walking closely with the Lord and we try to imitate them. But, without actually 'practicing' the activities that draw us closer to being a more mature Christian. We talk the talk- but fail to walk the walk.

We must remain, and abide in Christ fully. He is the only one truly worthy of imitation even though there are people in our lives that we can emulate to bring us closer to God. However, if we are only focused on the outward trappings rather than the inner man or woman, we are missing the mark.

Colossians 1:9-17
For this reason, since the day we heard about this, we have not stopped praying for you and asking that you may be filled with the full knowledge of God's will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you might live in a manner worthy of the Lord and be fully pleasing to him as you bear fruit in every good work and grow in the full knowledge of God. You are being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might, so that you might patiently endure everything with joy and might thank the Father, who has enabled us to share in the saints’ inheritance in the light. He has rescued us from the power of darkness and has brought us into the kingdom of the Son whom he loves. In him we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things in heaven and on earth were created, things visible and invisible, whether they are kings, lords, rulers, or powers. All things have been created through him and for him. He himself existed before all things, and by him all things hold together.

If you are desiring your life to 'squeak' like a mature Christian- focus on those things that help you grow- prayer, Bible study, a preoccupation with things that please Christ. Just a little reminder to myself and to you.

Blessings,
Julie

God's Word

I woke up today and really nothing had changed from yesterday. And I will wake up tomorrow and though it is election day- for the most part- my world will go on as normal. And the day after, barring a miserable recount, I will wake up the same way as the day before.

Voting is essential and an expression of a right bought and paid for by many noble men who had a vision for democracy and freedom. Todd and I have recently watched the John Adams miniseries and it is an outstanding look at the heart-wrenching, soul- searching issues that our founding fathers went through in creating our United States. I don’t think I had ever realized the extent though, the written letters have always amazed me, as well as the formal documents created during this time. It was not an easy choice to remove themselves from their country- the issues were not always black and white.

But I woke up this morning being reminded of something even more profound:

For, "All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field; the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of the Lord stands forever." And this is the word that was preached to you. (1 Peter 1:24-25).

No matter the outcome of the election, we as Christians need to be reminded that God’s word is what stands FOREVER. No matter who is on the proverbial throne- we have King that we follow no matter who is ‘leading’. We have statutes, principles, and laws that stand the test of time. We have a higher calling:

His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.
For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Peter 1:3-8.

So, whether your candidate wins tomorrow or not, you still belong to the King of Kings. Let go of all bitterness, malice and contempt. Do not stop fighting for what you believe in, but let’s all realize that someone much higher than any earthly person is in charge. And though we don’t always understand God’s ways- they are HIS ways and His word is filled with responsibilities for us as Christians to pursue. His Holy Spirit will enable us to live a life filled with faith, goodness, self-control, perseverance, godliness, brotherly kindness and love. These are requirements of us, as Christians- and they DO NOT CHANGE. Just as God’s word doesn’t change.

Blessings.

Jesus Comes Near

Sometimes I wonder if I am ‘too familiar’ with my Savior. A book that has impacted me regarding the person of Christ is called God Came Near by Max Lucado. I loved it when I read it during college and it was the very first book I ever gave to Todd.

Why? You wonder. It is not a theological exegesis on the Savior of the World- but does exactly what the title suggests. It brings God, in the person of Christ, near to me.

One of my favorite chapters is Twenty-five questions for Mary. I loved reading it then writing my own questions out to the side. Maybe, like Jessica Thompson does regarding her questions for God, I will just ask God to ‘add them to my list’ in my prayer time.

You see Mary was a mother like me. A mother with fears, frustrations, love and joy- just like me. But, unlike me, she was the mother to a perfect God- in the form of a baby that she watched grow. She nurtured him, and took care of him; she watched in the doorway as Jesus worked with Joseph in the carpentry shop, if Jesus was sick, she probably stayed up with Him. And that is another question for Mary- does a perfect God get sick?

Now, I would love to sit at Mary’s feet and learn from her. What would she do with the internet and her son Jesus? Would she run out and protect Him from bullies? Did Jesus clean His room? Help around the house? Have chores? Would she let Him watch PG-13 movies? And would He even want to?

How did she feel to see her son teaching in the temple? Proud? Or sad, knowing that He was really not hers that He belonged to the world and was stepping into His role- as Teacher, Master, Redeemer, and Savior.

All of these thoughts echo in my head as Frontline begins a three-week series on 'Who is Jesus?' (www.frontlinedc.com)

Over the years my understanding of who He is has been shaped by many things- most recently by studying the book of John, verse by verse. At times I felt that Jesus was austere, removed, but at others I sensed his passion in the fervent expressions of the words He spoke. He was a man burdened, a man of sorrows and a man of love. God came near to me again as we studied John 17. In this chapter you hear Jesus’ heart for His disciples, and those coming after.

Who is Jesus to me? At times He is my closest friend, at others He is my teacher and one who convicts me, but at all times HE IS MY SAVIOR.

All the way my Savior leads me, What have I to ask beside? Can I doubt His tender mercy, Who through life has been my Guide? Heav’nly peace, divinest comfort, Here by faith in Him to dwell! For I know, whate’er befall me, Jesus doeth all things well; For I know, whate’er befall me, Jesus doeth all things well.

All the way my Savior leads me, Cheers each winding path I tread, Gives me grace for every trial, Feeds me with the living Bread. Though my weary steps may falter And my soul athirst may be, Gushing from the Rock before me, Lo! A spring of joy I see; Gushing from the Rock before me, Lo! A spring of joy I see.

All the way my Savior leads me, Oh, the fullness of His love! Perfect rest to me is promised In my Father’s house above. When my spirit, clothed immortal, Wings its flight to realms of day This my song through endless ages: Jesus led me all the way; This my song through endless ages: Jesus led me all the way. (Fanny J. Crosby 1875)